Where are the wholesome, mainstream kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholic school.

Most kids in Catholic school when I was there were out drinking freshman year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15-year-old DS is in flux. He's about to enter HS.
Kids he grew up with in elementary and middle seemed to have splintered into two camps -- kids who are sneaking out, vaping, defacing property (seriously, two kids he knows well were just arraigned in court for this), or else have super niche interests like D&D, which don't appeal to my kid.

I am not saying my child is an angel but he's really not interested in staying out til all hours and vaping (and I'd like to think we've dissuaded him from this anyway), but he's also not into the things that the non-party kids enjoy. The result is that he's struggling to find kids who are on his wavelength and he ends up spending a lot lot of time when he's not at sports practice hanging out alone.

Can anyone else relate? Does this improve with age?

Surely there are other kids who dont want to be troublemakers and act more kid like? I was that kid, no interest in smoking, drinking, partying ect. Luckily my neighborhood friends were the same and I had a good, small group of school friends the same too. And I went to a school where there seemed to be alot of troublemakers.

My kids and their friends are "wholesome" in that they are not drinking/vaping/partying, but they are not "mainstream." They are into obscure films, music, and their school-related extracurricular activities are things like theater and D&D.

So, basically, I think you may be setting up a false dichotomy. Wholesome and mainstream are not the same, and in many cases the most wholesome kids are not the ones seeking or obtaining mainstream approval.

They sound like incels.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is pretty mainstream and wholesome. Her friends are jocks who do well in school. She plays two varsity sports and two rec sports and most of her friends are from there. As far as I can tell, they dont vape or drink.

[Anonymous]

Band, swimming, track, or a club that interests him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15-year-old DS is in flux. He's about to enter HS.
Kids he grew up with in elementary and middle seemed to have splintered into two camps -- kids who are sneaking ouvaping, defacing property (seriously, two kids he knows well were just arraigned in court for this), or else have super niche interests like D&D, which don't appeal to my kid.

I am not saying my child is an angel but he's really not interested in staying out til all hours and vaping (and I'd like to think we've dissuaded him from this anyway), but he's also not into the things that the non-party kids enjoy. The result is that he's struggling to find kids who are on his wavelength and he ends up spending a lot lot of time when he's not at sports practice hanging out alone.

Can anyone else relate? Does this improve with age?

My DD is 17. Popular, cheerleader, hangs out with athletes. She and her friends like going to parties but in her friend group and most of the people they hang out with, barely anyone vapes. It's actually looked down upon. There's drinking (she rarely does) but no one is getting stupid embarassingly drunk. I know she's older but this has always been the case. We're at MCPS. Sounds like your kid needs to find new friends- defacing property- seriously? Tell your kid to find better friends. THere are plenty of them out there.

Lololololol. I’ll just bet your daughter doesn’t drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic school.

Most kids in Catholic school when I was there were out drinking freshman year.

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholic school.

I was going to say private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always find it so funny that so many ppl believe that sports kids dont do any of those things. They are some of the biggest culprits, at least when I went to school they were.

Not of they are actually good and competitive at their sport - then they watch what they eat, train, and get plenty of rest, like their trainers tell them. I know, because I was that kid.

[Anonymous]

I knew people would jump on sports as the solution. Teens who play sports like to drink a lot, like to have sex and party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I hear a slight tinge of judgment in your post OP about non-sports activities. Your kid is probably picking up on this too. Try band, choir, theater, debate, newspaper, yearbook, etc etc. Lots of nice and normal kids doing all these activities. Point is find something he likes and he'll find other like-minded people who are a bit more motivated in general beyond partying.

+1. We also know sporty kids who play D&D - kids can have multiple interests, it's not only nerds vs jocks.

I agree with a PP who said the wholesome kids are busy. They are in clubs and volunteering and training/practicing and scouts and whatever else. Your kid will find them when he picks an activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always find it so funny that so many ppl believe that sports kids dont do any of those things. They are some of the biggest culprits, at least when I went to school they were.

It’s also funny for them to claim that kids who play sports just happen to be top students. They have differing abilities just like other groups. But teens who play contact sports are the mostly likely group to drink alcohol and binge drinking in high school and hockey.


People who claim otherwise must not have been in that type of group. Boozers.

[Anonymous]

My son's friends in high school played sports, did band/orchestra or theater, took rigorous classes, went to the occasional parties with alcohol, dated, smoked plenty of weed and went to good colleges. There are more than two types of kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic school.

Most kids in Catholic school when I was there were out drinking freshman year.

How old are you?

Have you not been to a Gonzaga football game? It’s required for the kids to go, and I saw many who were clearly drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic school.

Most kids in Catholic school when I was there were out drinking freshman year.

How old are you?

Have you not been to a Gonzaga football game? It’s required for the kids to go, and I saw many who were clearly drunk.

So you’re old. And can’t answer direct questions.

[Anonymous]

He should try a no-cut sport. Crew? Cross country? Track?

My DS now a college graduate found a great group of friends in MS-all had different interests/activities but common interest seems to be relaxed, nice guys who enjoy doing simple things together- hanging out at each others houses, playing pick up basketball, pickleball, going to movies, etc. I realize this might be unusual but the core group bonded in HS- stayed friends in college and are still close.