Where are the wholesome, mainstream kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it so funny that so many ppl believe that sports kids dont do any of those things. They are some of the biggest culprits, at least when I went to school they were.

I am curious - how old are your kids? Did they play sports? What was their experience with their peers?

I was going by the kids in my high school. Many of the kids on the sports teams, were the trouble makers, it was common knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15-year-old DS is in flux. He's about to enter HS.
Kids he grew up with in elementary and middle seemed to have splintered into two camps -- kids who are sneaking ouvaping, defacing property (seriously, two kids he knows well were just arraigned in court for this), or else have super niche interests like D&D, which don't appeal to my kid.

I am not saying my child is an angel but he's really not interested in staying out til all hours and vaping (and I'd like to think we've dissuaded him from this anyway), but he's also not into the things that the non-party kids enjoy. The result is that he's struggling to find kids who are on his wavelength and he ends up spending a lot lot of time when he's not at sports practice hanging out alone.

Can anyone else relate? Does this improve with age?

My DD is 17. Popular, cheerleader, hangs out with athletes. She and her friends like going to parties but in her friend group and most of the people they hang out with, barely anyone vapes. It's actually looked down upon. There's drinking (she rarely does) but no one is getting stupid embarassingly drunk. I know she's older but this has always been the case. We're at MCPS. Sounds like your kid needs to find new friends- defacing property- seriously? Tell your kid to find better friends. THere are plenty of them out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it so funny that so many ppl believe that sports kids dont do any of those things. They are some of the biggest culprits, at least when I went to school they were.

I am curious - how old are your kids? Did they play sports? What was their experience with their peers?

I was going by the kids in my high school. Many of the kids on the sports teams, were the trouble makers, it was common knowledge.

Yeah it's not going to be the troublemaker sports. Everyone knows which ones those are.

Sports like karate (no they are not like cobra kai), swimming. Mainstream kids are gaming and chatting online about bands and music mostly. They aren't all either druggies or supernerds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it so funny that so many ppl believe that sports kids dont do any of those things. They are some of the biggest culprits, at least when I went to school they were.

I am curious - how old are your kids? Did they play sports? What was their experience with their peers?

I was going by the kids in my high school. Many of the kids on the sports teams, were the trouble makers, it was common knowledge.

Yeah it's not going to be the troublemaker sports. Everyone knows which ones those are.

Sports like karate (no they are not like cobra kai), swimming. Mainstream kids are gaming and chatting online about bands and music mostly. They aren't all either druggies or supernerds.

Just going by my experience, it was alot of the sports kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic school.

I wish! The kids we know at a few of those schools are definitely in the party crowd, especially as freshmen

Stop associating with seedy parents and you won’t know seedy children. 95% of our Catholic is amazing, you must know the 5%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always find it so funny that so many ppl believe that sports kids dont do any of those things. They are some of the biggest culprits, at least when I went to school they were.

This and it's still true. My kid is at a large public high school in NoVa that is UMC. Sports kids are the partiers and vapers. Some sports worse than others though.

[Anonymous]

The kids I know like this go straight from sports practice to life guarding at our pool, teaching swim lessons, working at the snack bar, or working at kids’ sports and dance camps. They are very busy and are going to be early to start their next day. But at another pool we used to belong to and sometimes visit with friends, the kids who work there are very different and definitely go from guarding to late nights/mild trouble. It is a much quieter and less busy pool that doesn’t have the same level of professional management and high expectations, so I think it attracts different kids.

I agree that there doesn’t seem to be a lot of middle ground and it can be very hard to find the just right in-between. But work seems like a good starting point.

[Anonymous]

I hear a slight tinge of judgment in your post OP about non-sports activities. Your kid is probably picking up on this too. Try band, choir, theater, debate, newspaper, yearbook, etc etc. Lots of nice and normal kids doing all these activities. Point is find something he likes and he'll find other like-minded people who are a bit more motivated in general beyond partying.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 in HS (large-ish public high school, UMC suburb) and there is a huge number of “regular” kids that are more or less as you describe. They definitely don’t vape (at my kids’ HS that is considered to be for “losers”), don’t party and drink or at least don’t do much of it (and definitely not as underclassmen), get decent to good grades, don’t get “in trouble” at school, have a decent relationship with their parents/family.

The kids at our local private Catholic HS (many of whom went to elementary and middle at my kids’ public or live in our neighborhood) are worse than the public HS kids and it isn’t even close.

Sports kids are a mixed bag. Depends on the sport and the crowd. Some are very strait laced, others are pretty bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it so funny that so many ppl believe that sports kids dont do any of those things. They are some of the biggest culprits, at least when I went to school they were.

This and it's still true. My kid is at a large public high school in NoVa that is UMC. Sports kids are the partiers and vapers. Some sports worse than others though.

I posted how my kid was in that crowd freshman year and is thankfully out of it now, 3 years later. Yes, an UMC large public. The local privates are the same here in NoVa. I agree with some sports being worse than others. We thought being involved with sports would keep him away from this and it was the opposite.

I should also mention the amount of kids underage driving or driving while doing the above. It was a scary time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15-year-old DS is in flux. He's about to enter HS.
Kids he grew up with in elementary and middle seemed to have splintered into two camps -- kids who are sneaking out, vaping, defacing property (seriously, two kids he knows well were just arraigned in court for this), or else have super niche interests like D&D, which don't appeal to my kid.

I am not saying my child is an angel but he's really not interested in staying out til all hours and vaping (and I'd like to think we've dissuaded him from this anyway), but he's also not into the things that the non-party kids enjoy. The result is that he's struggling to find kids who are on his wavelength and he ends up spending a lot lot of time when he's not at sports practice hanging out alone.

Can anyone else relate? Does this improve with age?

Surely there are other kids who dont want to be troublemakers and act more kid like? I was that kid, no interest in smoking, drinking, partying ect. Luckily my neighborhood friends were the same and I had a good, small group of school friends the same too. And I went to a school where there seemed to be alot of troublemakers.

My kids and their friends are "wholesome" in that they are not drinking/vaping/partying, but they are not "mainstream." They are into obscure films, music, and their school-related extracurricular activities are things like theater and D&D.

So, basically, I think you may be setting up a false dichotomy. Wholesome and mainstream are not the same, and in many cases the most wholesome kids are not the ones seeking or obtaining mainstream approval.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15-year-old DS is in flux. He's about to enter HS.
Kids he grew up with in elementary and middle seemed to have splintered into two camps -- kids who are sneaking out, vaping, defacing property (seriously, two kids he knows well were just arraigned in court for this), or else have super niche interests like D&D, which don't appeal to my kid.

I am not saying my child is an angel but he's really not interested in staying out til all hours and vaping (and I'd like to think we've dissuaded him from this anyway), but he's also not into the things that the non-party kids enjoy. The result is that he's struggling to find kids who are on his wavelength and he ends up spending a lot lot of time when he's not at sports practice hanging out alone.

Can anyone else relate? Does this improve with age?

Surely there are other kids who dont want to be troublemakers and act more kid like? I was that kid, no interest in smoking, drinking, partying ect. Luckily my neighborhood friends were the same and I had a good, small group of school friends the same too. And I went to a school where there seemed to be alot of troublemakers.

My kids and their friends are "wholesome" in that they are not drinking/vaping/partying, but they are not "mainstream." They are into obscure films, music, and their school-related extracurricular activities are things like theater and D&D.

So, basically, I think you may be setting up a false dichotomy. Wholesome and mainstream are not the same, and in many cases the most wholesome kids are not the ones seeking or obtaining mainstream approval.

What does mainstream even mean? My kid does band and he and friends are not into obscure things. They are teenagers who kinda do all the same things other teenagers do. But no they don't vape and vandalize property. I feel like this is coded language for cool vs not cool (in both parents and kids minds).

Be less worried about all that and find something the kid likes to do.

[Anonymous]

Most of the wholesome Young Life kids get hammed and hook up.... what is wholesome to you OP?

[Anonymous]

if they are male and teenagers then they are all incels.

[Anonymous]

Curious what sorts have reputations for drinking/partying.