Where are the wholesome, mainstream kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15-year-old DS is in flux. He's about to enter HS.
Kids he grew up with in elementary and middle seemed to have splintered into two camps -- kids who are sneaking out, vaping, defacing property (seriously, two kids he knows well were just arraigned in court for this), or else have super niche interests like D&D, which don't appeal to my kid.

I am not saying my child is an angel but he's really not interested in staying out til all hours and vaping (and I'd like to think we've dissuaded him from this anyway), but he's also not into the things that the non-party kids enjoy. The result is that he's struggling to find kids who are on his wavelength and he ends up spending a lot lot of time when he's not at sports practice hanging out alone.

Can anyone else relate? Does this improve with age?

Surely there are other kids who dont want to be troublemakers and act more kid like? I was that kid, no interest in smoking, drinking, partying ect. Luckily my neighborhood friends were the same and I had a good, small group of school friends the same too. And I went to a school where there seemed to be alot of troublemakers.

[Anonymous]

This will change in high school. Sports ramp up and also become more school based so groups form in school based on that. Also a lot of middle schoolers have niche, nerdy interests. My oldest played online games, watched anime and was a bit “quirky” but that was no longer her personality by 15

[Anonymous]

I always find it so funny that so many ppl believe that sports kids dont do any of those things. They are some of the biggest culprits, at least when I went to school they were.

[Anonymous]

I agree that he will likely find a group in high school, but it will probably be through an interest. Mine met her close friends either through music or stem extracurriculars throughout middle and high school. Encourage him to try many things until he finds a group that clicks. Debate, robotics, theater, student government, school sports, etc. I would have him maintain a relationship with the D&D kids as they will likely be nice to hang out with when they become involved in the mainstream extracurriculars, and they won't be a bad influence.

[Anonymous]

Tough to find your tribe. Especially in MS.
I hear you though - my kid entering 8th is feeling the similar situation - lot of girls starting to get into partying. Other girls too academic for DD (but great kids). She wants friends who are fun but not doing substances/sneaking out/partying.

Even as adults it can be hard to find that - ppl who are available and want to hang out doing fun things but not necessarily partying/drinking/impressing each other with their expensive things. The ones who make themselves available a lot are in the latter camp. The ones who are calmer don't make for so much availability.

[Anonymous]

A lot of friend groups shook out/reformed when HS started. It’s a great time for him to find some activity he likes.

[Anonymous]

Is he looking down on everything that’s not sports? There are a ton of activities in HS— band, theater, model UN/debate/mock trial, ultimate frisbee (which may or may not be treated as a sport) etc etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholic school.

Catholic school kids are among the wildest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always find it so funny that so many ppl believe that sports kids dont do any of those things. They are some of the biggest culprits, at least when I went to school they were.

Seriously. My kid plays a HS and travel sport and some of those kids are very much into bad stuff.

[Anonymous]

He needs to join things that appeal to his interests.

Also, a lot of kids try out vaping and partying and then some get it out of their systems or decide it's not for them, and will "come back." Maybe just a quarter to a third of them, but he should be open to the idea some of them are just going through a phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholic school.

Are you joking?

[Anonymous]

He's not even in HS yet, this will work itself out. There are lots of clubs and teams and he will also make friends in classes. You can find some well balanced kids in all activities.

[Anonymous]

So much changes in HS. Freshman year, my oldest was involved in sports AND hanging out with a rough crowd who was sneaking out, doing drugs, partying and court involved. Be happy your son is not in with this crowd.

He’s a senior now and it’s been a couple years since he dropped the sport and all of those friends. He works part time and rarely goes out now, just occasionally meeting up with other friends to go out to eat and he’s more of a homebody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic school.

Catholic school kids are among the wildest.

Ugh...yes. Catholic school kids have been much worse (drugs, cheating, etc) than my kids public school cohort. Some of this may be the age...shift from MS to HS but I was not expecting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always find it so funny that so many ppl believe that sports kids dont do any of those things. They are some of the biggest culprits, at least when I went to school they were.

I am curious - how old are your kids? Did they play sports? What was their experience with their peers?