Are those grandparents who are worried about being "too far away" from grandchildren unaware of airplanes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a dumb post. My family lives within driving distance and we are lucky that there is money, time, and health that we can see DH's family often who live a 3 hr plane ride away. We recognize many people aren't in the same situation as us.

And if people are giving up stuff they want because of their parents, the problem is with them, not their parents.

Your view of the world and what people are able to do is very skewed. Your post just makes you sound like an idiot.

have you READ any posts around here? they're filled with raging self-absorbed types (or their adult children complaining about them) who are OUTRAGED their interests and time with grandchildren are not made first priority.

So? If your parents are the raging, self-absorbed type, remind them they can buy a ticket to visit at any time. If they can't afford it, you could buy them a ticket. If they really want to see their grandkids on a regular basis, they could move to you, but if they already have a community in place, it's probably a bad idea. So, nicely ignore the raging.

Or they can stop the raging—it is fundamentally their problem. The rest of us don't need to put up wiht it.

But you can't control other people, only yourself. So if you have raging self-absorbed parents and you've offered solutions, but all they can do is keep raging, then you just have to ignore them politely. They are still your parents, and they deserve the respect of being politely ignored. Almost no adult child will move near their parents to placate them, especially if they have a spouse. The idea is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they able to fly whenever it suits them?

I'm sure they are aware of airplanes. Your thread title says a lot.

What do you think it says?

Of course they can fly when they want—it's about priorities, but why couldn't they? And family CAN visit them!

Your title and OP say a lot about your attitude toward the grandparents. Boy, did they raise a self-centered child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

Not everyone one wants to be a vacation and holiday grandparent.

so what? you take what you get. if your kids live far away, maybe you get to be a vacation and holiday grandparent—and that's fine. you don't try to manipulate, let them live their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

+1 when it comes to watching kids grow or anything with loved ones in general, the insignificant moments are significant ones. “Quality” time (at the expense of quantity) is a myth. It all matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a dumb post. My family lives within driving distance and we are lucky that there is money, time, and health that we can see DH's family often who live a 3 hr plane ride away. We recognize many people aren't in the same situation as us.

And if people are giving up stuff they want because of their parents, the problem is with them, not their parents.

Your view of the world and what people are able to do is very skewed. Your post just makes you sound like an idiot.

have you READ any posts around here? they're filled with raging self-absorbed types (or their adult children complaining about them) who are OUTRAGED their interests and time with grandchildren are not made first priority.

So? If your parents are the raging, self-absorbed type, remind them they can buy a ticket to visit at any time. If they can't afford it, you could buy them a ticket. If they really want to see their grandkids on a regular basis, they could move to you, but if they already have a community in place, it's probably a bad idea. So, nicely ignore the raging.

Or they can stop the raging—it is fundamentally their problem. The rest of us don't need to put up wiht it.

But you can't control other people, only yourself. So if you have raging self-absorbed parents and you've offered solutions, but all they can do is keep raging, then you just have to ignore them politely. They are still your parents, and they deserve the respect of being politely ignored. Almost no adult child will move near their parents to placate them, especially if they have a spouse. The idea is absurd.

totally, ignoring them is the right move.

but everything would be so much easier if they would be decent people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to be at insignificant events too.

So, move near them? Or vent here, if moving isn't an option for you.

[Anonymous]

Mine wanted to move in with us and be fully cared for and paid by us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a dumb post. My family lives within driving distance and we are lucky that there is money, time, and health that we can see DH's family often who live a 3 hr plane ride away. We recognize many people aren't in the same situation as us.

And if people are giving up stuff they want because of their parents, the problem is with them, not their parents.

Your view of the world and what people are able to do is very skewed. Your post just makes you sound like an idiot.

have you READ any posts around here? they're filled with raging self-absorbed types (or their adult children complaining about them) who are OUTRAGED their interests and time with grandchildren are not made first priority.

So? If your parents are the raging, self-absorbed type, remind them they can buy a ticket to visit at any time. If they can't afford it, you could buy them a ticket. If they really want to see their grandkids on a regular basis, they could move to you, but if they already have a community in place, it's probably a bad idea. So, nicely ignore the raging.

Or they can stop the raging—it is fundamentally their problem. The rest of us don't need to put up wiht it.

But you can't control other people, only yourself. So if you have raging self-absorbed parents and you've offered solutions, but all they can do is keep raging, then you just have to ignore them politely. They are still your parents, and they deserve the respect of being politely ignored. Almost no adult child will move near their parents to placate them, especially if they have a spouse. The idea is absurd.

it's not absurd—we all know people who couldn't escape their hometown, whose parents encourged them to go to college and stay close to home, to take a job that won't send them away... and if you've ever met just about anyone in DC who came here from somewhere else, there's a good chance they have a family member who gives them shit about why they keep the grandchildren so far away.

my parents are fine (4.5 hour drive) and my wife's parents are decent, but some of her other in-laws, who have even less right to say anything are horrible... and we know tons of people living here with horror stories about parents or in-laws who are constantly whining about it. and we both know people from HS who work deadbeat jobs but "the grandparents really help out, I can't imagine not having them so close".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine wanted to move in with us and be fully cared for and paid by us.

the level of entitlement is absurd.

send them some Southwest coupons and help set up a kayak.com account to find a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a dumb post. My family lives within driving distance and we are lucky that there is money, time, and health that we can see DH's family often who live a 3 hr plane ride away. We recognize many people aren't in the same situation as us.

And if people are giving up stuff they want because of their parents, the problem is with them, not their parents.

Your view of the world and what people are able to do is very skewed. Your post just makes you sound like an idiot.

have you READ any posts around here? they're filled with raging self-absorbed types (or their adult children complaining about them) who are OUTRAGED their interests and time with grandchildren are not made first priority.

So? If your parents are the raging, self-absorbed type, remind them they can buy a ticket to visit at any time. If they can't afford it, you could buy them a ticket. If they really want to see their grandkids on a regular basis, they could move to you, but if they already have a community in place, it's probably a bad idea. So, nicely ignore the raging.

Or they can stop the raging—it is fundamentally their problem. The rest of us don't need to put up wiht it.

But you can't control other people, only yourself. So if you have raging self-absorbed parents and you've offered solutions, but all they can do is keep raging, then you just have to ignore them politely. They are still your parents, and they deserve the respect of being politely ignored. Almost no adult child will move near their parents to placate them, especially if they have a spouse. The idea is absurd.

it's not absurd—we all know people who couldn't escape their hometown, whose parents encourged them to go to college and stay close to home, to take a job that won't send them away... and if you've ever met just about anyone in DC who came here from somewhere else, there's a good chance they have a family member who gives them shit about why they keep the grandchildren so far away.

my parents are fine (4.5 hour drive) and my wife's parents are decent, but some of her other in-laws, who have even less right to say anything are horrible... and we know tons of people living here with horror stories about parents or in-laws who are constantly whining about it. and we both know people from HS who work deadbeat jobs but "the grandparents really help out, I can't imagine not having them so close".

So? Lots of people have dysfunctional families. I guess let them whine a bit and then smile and politely change the subject. There is no way DH or I would move from our jobs and communities because our parents complained about access to the grandkids. Most likely, whoever in your family is complaining knows this and just complains for the sake of it. If someone wants more access, it's up to them to move to get it, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a dumb post. My family lives within driving distance and we are lucky that there is money, time, and health that we can see DH's family often who live a 3 hr plane ride away. We recognize many people aren't in the same situation as us.

And if people are giving up stuff they want because of their parents, the problem is with them, not their parents.

Your view of the world and what people are able to do is very skewed. Your post just makes you sound like an idiot.

have you READ any posts around here? they're filled with raging self-absorbed types (or their adult children complaining about them) who are OUTRAGED their interests and time with grandchildren are not made first priority.

So? If your parents are the raging, self-absorbed type, remind them they can buy a ticket to visit at any time. If they can't afford it, you could buy them a ticket. If they really want to see their grandkids on a regular basis, they could move to you, but if they already have a community in place, it's probably a bad idea. So, nicely ignore the raging.

Or they can stop the raging—it is fundamentally their problem. The rest of us don't need to put up wiht it.

But you can't control other people, only yourself. So if you have raging self-absorbed parents and you've offered solutions, but all they can do is keep raging, then you just have to ignore them politely. They are still your parents, and they deserve the respect of being politely ignored. Almost no adult child will move near their parents to placate them, especially if they have a spouse. The idea is absurd.

it's not absurd—we all know people who couldn't escape their hometown, whose parents encourged them to go to college and stay close to home, to take a job that won't send them away... and if you've ever met just about anyone in DC who came here from somewhere else, there's a good chance they have a family member who gives them shit about why they keep the grandchildren so far away.

my parents are fine (4.5 hour drive) and my wife's parents are decent, but some of her other in-laws, who have even less right to say anything are horrible... and we know tons of people living here with horror stories about parents or in-laws who are constantly whining about it. and we both know people from HS who work deadbeat jobs but "the grandparents really help out, I can't imagine not having them so close".

So? Lots of people have dysfunctional families. I guess let them whine a bit and then smile and politely change the subject. There is no way DH or I would move from our jobs and communities because our parents complained about access to the grandkids. Most likely, whoever in your family is complaining knows this and just complains for the sake of it. If someone wants more access, it's up to them to move to get it, obviously.

on one level you're not wrong—I mean, eff them and their toxicity. I have no problem saying that and it really lowers my opinion of them when they do that.

But also, to be clear, they're wrong, and it's on them to be better people, not for people they're trying to manipulate to just figure out how to grin and bear it.

And to be clear, I feel fine about my choices, but it really makes me feel bad when my friends in the area talk about the shit they put up with from their families. I jsut don't get why some people are so selfish—they're not YOUR kids! They are your children's kids—let your children raise them! You fit in where you can!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine wanted to move in with us and be fully cared for and paid by us.

Crazy. Moving in parents or inlaws would kill our marriage. Whenever either side visits, we are tense and on edge. Could not live like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a dumb post. My family lives within driving distance and we are lucky that there is money, time, and health that we can see DH's family often who live a 3 hr plane ride away. We recognize many people aren't in the same situation as us.

And if people are giving up stuff they want because of their parents, the problem is with them, not their parents.

Your view of the world and what people are able to do is very skewed. Your post just makes you sound like an idiot.

have you READ any posts around here? they're filled with raging self-absorbed types (or their adult children complaining about them) who are OUTRAGED their interests and time with grandchildren are not made first priority.

So? If your parents are the raging, self-absorbed type, remind them they can buy a ticket to visit at any time. If they can't afford it, you could buy them a ticket. If they really want to see their grandkids on a regular basis, they could move to you, but if they already have a community in place, it's probably a bad idea. So, nicely ignore the raging.

Or they can stop the raging—it is fundamentally their problem. The rest of us don't need to put up wiht it.

But you can't control other people, only yourself. So if you have raging self-absorbed parents and you've offered solutions, but all they can do is keep raging, then you just have to ignore them politely. They are still your parents, and they deserve the respect of being politely ignored. Almost no adult child will move near their parents to placate them, especially if they have a spouse. The idea is absurd.

it's not absurd—we all know people who couldn't escape their hometown, whose parents encourged them to go to college and stay close to home, to take a job that won't send them away... and if you've ever met just about anyone in DC who came here from somewhere else, there's a good chance they have a family member who gives them shit about why they keep the grandchildren so far away.

my parents are fine (4.5 hour drive) and my wife's parents are decent, but some of her other in-laws, who have even less right to say anything are horrible... and we know tons of people living here with horror stories about parents or in-laws who are constantly whining about it. and we both know people from HS who work deadbeat jobs but "the grandparents really help out, I can't imagine not having them so close".

So? Lots of people have dysfunctional families. I guess let them whine a bit and then smile and politely change the subject. There is no way DH or I would move from our jobs and communities because our parents complained about access to the grandkids. Most likely, whoever in your family is complaining knows this and just complains for the sake of it. If someone wants more access, it's up to them to move to get it, obviously.

on one level you're not wrong—I mean, eff them and their toxicity. I have no problem saying that and it really lowers my opinion of them when they do that.

But also, to be clear, they're wrong, and it's on them to be better people, not for people they're trying to manipulate to just figure out how to grin and bear it.

And to be clear, I feel fine about my choices, but it really makes me feel bad when my friends in the area talk about the shit they put up with from their families. I jsut don't get why some people are so selfish—they're not YOUR kids! They are your children's kids—let your children raise them! You fit in where you can!

On the flipside, at least they care and they are alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine wanted to move in with us and be fully cared for and paid by us.

Crazy. Moving in parents or inlaws would kill our marriage. Whenever either side visits, we are tense and on edge. Could not live like that.

hopefully they at least are aware and odn't try to overstay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a dumb post. My family lives within driving distance and we are lucky that there is money, time, and health that we can see DH's family often who live a 3 hr plane ride away. We recognize many people aren't in the same situation as us.

And if people are giving up stuff they want because of their parents, the problem is with them, not their parents.

Your view of the world and what people are able to do is very skewed. Your post just makes you sound like an idiot.

have you READ any posts around here? they're filled with raging self-absorbed types (or their adult children complaining about them) who are OUTRAGED their interests and time with grandchildren are not made first priority.

So? If your parents are the raging, self-absorbed type, remind them they can buy a ticket to visit at any time. If they can't afford it, you could buy them a ticket. If they really want to see their grandkids on a regular basis, they could move to you, but if they already have a community in place, it's probably a bad idea. So, nicely ignore the raging.

Or they can stop the raging—it is fundamentally their problem. The rest of us don't need to put up wiht it.

But you can't control other people, only yourself. So if you have raging self-absorbed parents and you've offered solutions, but all they can do is keep raging, then you just have to ignore them politely. They are still your parents, and they deserve the respect of being politely ignored. Almost no adult child will move near their parents to placate them, especially if they have a spouse. The idea is absurd.

it's not absurd—we all know people who couldn't escape their hometown, whose parents encourged them to go to college and stay close to home, to take a job that won't send them away... and if you've ever met just about anyone in DC who came here from somewhere else, there's a good chance they have a family member who gives them shit about why they keep the grandchildren so far away.

my parents are fine (4.5 hour drive) and my wife's parents are decent, but some of her other in-laws, who have even less right to say anything are horrible... and we know tons of people living here with horror stories about parents or in-laws who are constantly whining about it. and we both know people from HS who work deadbeat jobs but "the grandparents really help out, I can't imagine not having them so close".

So? Lots of people have dysfunctional families. I guess let them whine a bit and then smile and politely change the subject. There is no way DH or I would move from our jobs and communities because our parents complained about access to the grandkids. Most likely, whoever in your family is complaining knows this and just complains for the sake of it. If someone wants more access, it's up to them to move to get it, obviously.

on one level you're not wrong—I mean, eff them and their toxicity. I have no problem saying that and it really lowers my opinion of them when they do that.

But also, to be clear, they're wrong, and it's on them to be better people, not for people they're trying to manipulate to just figure out how to grin and bear it.

And to be clear, I feel fine about my choices, but it really makes me feel bad when my friends in the area talk about the shit they put up with from their families. I jsut don't get why some people are so selfish—they're not YOUR kids! They are your children's kids—let your children raise them! You fit in where you can!

On the flipside, at least they care and they are alive.

It's not the worst thing a family member can do, but no... toxic behavior isn't a sign of "Caring" it's a sign of not caring.