Do you have a kid w/ anxiety who was well-supported at college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot remember colleges but in an IEP related thread a while ago, some posters named colleges that gave certain kids advanced access to schedule courses. One parent said was because their kid didn’t do well with classes at particular times or something like that and schools gave priority scheduling accommodation. Maybe ask schools about that

Hmmm, lemme guess what time of day…

I'm a NP, whose kid has that accommodation. She is a morning person -- perfectly happy with 8:30 classes but really struggles after 4. She's usually in bed by 9.

Is that the answer you expected? Do you know anything about disability?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The extreme defensiveness of those reacting to the therapist proves her point. Many of these gen z kids (especially of the affluent DCUM-type) have been snowplow and helicopter parented and don’t function as independent young adults with agency and responsibility.

Bingo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot remember colleges but in an IEP related thread a while ago, some posters named colleges that gave certain kids advanced access to schedule courses. One parent said was because their kid didn’t do well with classes at particular times or something like that and schools gave priority scheduling accommodation. Maybe ask schools about that

Hmmm, lemme guess what time of day…

I'm a NP, whose kid has that accommodation. She is a morning person -- perfectly happy with 8:30 classes but really struggles after 4. She's usually in bed by 9.

Is that the answer you expected? Do you know anything about disability?

How are they going to function in a job? Or in college when the class they need or want to take is after 4? There are tools they can learn that help with these types of issues. Accommodations are rarely the answer for students who struggle at certain times of the day, except in cases where the disability is so significant that holding a regular job and independent living is not going to be an option for the young person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The extreme defensiveness of those reacting to the therapist proves her point. Many of these gen z kids (especially of the affluent DCUM-type) have been snowplow and helicopter parented and don’t function as independent young adults with agency and responsibility.

Bingo

And yet many of us with kids who are highly anxious or have disabilities also have other kids who are highly confident, capable, and not disabled, who are thriving academically and socially, whom we parented exactly the same way. Convenient as it is to blame the parents, I think there are other more significant factors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot remember colleges but in an IEP related thread a while ago, some posters named colleges that gave certain kids advanced access to schedule courses. One parent said was because their kid didn’t do well with classes at particular times or something like that and schools gave priority scheduling accommodation. Maybe ask schools about that

Hmmm, lemme guess what time of day…

I'm a NP, whose kid has that accommodation. She is a morning person -- perfectly happy with 8:30 classes but really struggles after 4. She's usually in bed by 9.

Is that the answer you expected? Do you know anything about disability?

How are they going to function in a job? Or in college when the class they need or want to take is after 4? There are tools they can learn that help with these types of issues. Accommodations are rarely the answer for students who struggle at certain times of the day, except in cases where the disability is so significant that holding a regular job and independent living is not going to be an option for the young person.

I don't have that disability, but I have had several white collar professional jobs where I've left at 4. I work early hours now. Nobody cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The extreme defensiveness of those reacting to the therapist proves her point. Many of these gen z kids (especially of the affluent DCUM-type) have been snowplow and helicopter parented and don’t function as independent young adults with agency and responsibility.

Bingo

And yet many of us with kids who are highly anxious or have disabilities also have other kids who are highly confident, capable, and not disabled, who are thriving academically and socially, whom we parented exactly the same way. Convenient as it is to blame the parents, I think there are other more significant factors.

+1

So many uninformed, inflammatory ableist comments in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a similar SLAC and no, he is not well supported. I keep hearing accounts of other kids at the same school who are, but it seems it’s very individual or luck of the draw. In general schools are facing layoffs and tightened budgets and it seems like services and extras have been pared back. His professors are very nice and approachable but it has been hard to get help with anything outside individual classes. As an example, advising is weak to nonexistent and my kid panics at course registration. It starts at 11pm one particular night (different days for different classes) and if you don’t add popular courses or requirements in the first minute, you won’t get them. My kid is terrible with time pressure and basically gets zero preferred classes and every semester takes random leftover classes or spends weeks stalking for spots to open. Lotta bureaucracy for a small school.

But why is that the fault of the school? If your kid is 20 freaking years old, they should be able to open the course registration portal at 11 PM and figure out how to register for courses. If anything it's a lot easier at a SLAC than at a state school. The school is not responsible for your kid's own irresponsibility!

Not the PP but man. Why did you need to post this? May you and yours never have to deal with any mental health issues or disabilities.
Geez.

Because I'm a therapist who deals with college students all the time with anxiety/depression who are hell-bent on blaming the school/admin for their OWN failings. I deal with mentally ill young adults day in and day out who are unable to take accountability for the most basic tasks. It's a HUGE cultural problem. Gen Z is happy to blame the school/institution/other adults for their own shortcomings while not doing anything on their own to solve their "inability to deal with time pressure" (as the PP describes their kid) or the myriad of other excuses I get about why my clients are not able to complete developmentally appropriate tasks.

What basic tasks can’t they do? I’m asking because I want to make sure I teach them to my teenagers before they go to college.

DP, also in the field.
Examples of tasks colleagues and I see lacking in teens and young adults that are needed for success in college and employment:
-setting an alarm (or 2) and waking up , getting dressed and ready for school on time by middle school.
-putting themselves to bed and prioritizing sleep; having the insight to understand they feel better and function better with 7-9hrs of sleep in high school, though we recommend parents take the phone and all screens away for younger students. By college they need to learn to cut themselves off
-by high school, ability to look at the week ahead and make a plan for studying/homework, understand what types of study breaks work best for them. Parents and exec function coaches can help create a plan but it needs to be turned over to the kid with fewer checkins and more autonomy well before college. Too often a kid with a lot of supports does not learn how to build those supports for themselves before they go off, and yes this includes registering with college for accommodations but the college version is often less hands on and more student driven than the parents have been.
-ability to make themselves a basic breakfast lunch or dinner(microwave use at a minimum, know how to make a sandwich, very basic) and not needing reminders to eat at regular times
-ability to do laundry
-no need to be reminded to shower and take care of basic hygiene (really).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The extreme defensiveness of those reacting to the therapist proves her point. Many of these gen z kids (especially of the affluent DCUM-type) have been snowplow and helicopter parented and don’t function as independent young adults with agency and responsibility.

Bingo

Exactly. These are the same parents that have micromanaged high school, which is actually the time that the kids should be sorting everything out THEMSELVES with your guidance only. They were dumb enough to do the talking for their kids, and now the kids have failed to thrive.

[Anonymous]

If you are waking your child up for school more than once a month after they go to high school, you are failing.

[Anonymous]

My DD with anxiety/depression went to a LAC a few hours from home. Freshman year was tough, but she graduated in four years. Being close by was really helpful - she took the train in sometimes or drove out to visit her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The extreme defensiveness of those reacting to the therapist proves her point. Many of these gen z kids (especially of the affluent DCUM-type) have been snowplow and helicopter parented and don’t function as independent young adults with agency and responsibility.

Bingo

And yet many of us with kids who are highly anxious or have disabilities also have other kids who are highly confident, capable, and not disabled, who are thriving academically and socially, whom we parented exactly the same way. Convenient as it is to blame the parents, I think there are other more significant factors.

You have to parent anxious kids differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot remember colleges but in an IEP related thread a while ago, some posters named colleges that gave certain kids advanced access to schedule courses. One parent said was because their kid didn’t do well with classes at particular times or something like that and schools gave priority scheduling accommodation. Maybe ask schools about that

Hmmm, lemme guess what time of day…

I'm a NP, whose kid has that accommodation. She is a morning person -- perfectly happy with 8:30 classes but really struggles after 4. She's usually in bed by 9.

Is that the answer you expected? Do you know anything about disability?

How are they going to function in a job? Or in college when the class they need or want to take is after 4? There are tools they can learn that help with these types of issues. Accommodations are rarely the answer for students who struggle at certain times of the day, except in cases where the disability is so significant that holding a regular job and independent living is not going to be an option for the young person.

She will likely never be able to work the evening shift, and that's ok. She also may not be able to hold a full time job -- we'll see how her disability progresses. It's a progressive neurological disorder, so we don't take anything for granted.

[Anonymous]

I have a kid with ADD, OCD and anxiety going to a big flagship. School received his accommodations requests for academic and housing supports and quickly approved it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are waking your child up for school more than once a month after they go to high school, you are failing.

Woke up my twins every day until they graduated from HS. Reminded them of homework throughout HS. Was definitely Helicopter Parent. Not ashamed of that.

They both graduated this yr from Chicago and Dartmouth respectively. One is going to LSE for a masters the other is going to an IB job in NYC. No matter what you say, kids will learn at their own pace.

[Anonymous]

My niece with anxiety (medicated) is at a top tier college within an hour of her parents.