Do you have a kid w/ anxiety who was well-supported at college?

[Anonymous]

We have a quirky LGBT kid with mild LDs + significant social & general anxiety. They are looking at schools like Kenyon, Oberlin, Vassar, Reed, Skidmore, and Bard and have the grades and scores to get into most or all. Our biggest concern is finding a place where they will feel supported from an LD and mental health perspective.

We're hoping to hear real-world experience of parents of kids with a similar profile who felt their kid was well-supported by their college, particularly if it's on this list or a school with a similar vibe.

[Anonymous]

My kid is at a similar SLAC and no, he is not well supported. I keep hearing accounts of other kids at the same school who are, but it seems it’s very individual or luck of the draw. In general schools are facing layoffs and tightened budgets and it seems like services and extras have been pared back. His professors are very nice and approachable but it has been hard to get help with anything outside individual classes. As an example, advising is weak to nonexistent and my kid panics at course registration. It starts at 11pm one particular night (different days for different classes) and if you don’t add popular courses or requirements in the first minute, you won’t get them. My kid is terrible with time pressure and basically gets zero preferred classes and every semester takes random leftover classes or spends weeks stalking for spots to open. Lotta bureaucracy for a small school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a quirky LGBT kid with mild LDs + significant social & general anxiety. They are looking at schools like Kenyon, Oberlin, Vassar, Reed, Skidmore, and Bard and have the grades and scores to get into most or all. Our biggest concern is finding a place where they will feel supported from an LD and mental health perspective.

We're hoping to hear real-world experience of parents of kids with a similar profile who felt their kid was well-supported by their college, particularly if it's on this list or a school with a similar vibe.

Are you east coast? Have you visited Reed? Maybe reconsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a quirky LGBT kid with mild LDs + significant social & general anxiety. They are looking at schools like Kenyon, Oberlin, Vassar, Reed, Skidmore, and Bard and have the grades and scores to get into most or all. Our biggest concern is finding a place where they will feel supported from an LD and mental health perspective.

We're hoping to hear real-world experience of parents of kids with a similar profile who felt their kid was well-supported by their college, particularly if it's on this list or a school with a similar vibe.

Are you east coast? Have you visited Reed? Maybe reconsider.

As in maybe not Reed

[Anonymous]

Not by the school, but our kid went to a much bigger state school. Our daughter went to college with generalized anxiety disorder and ADHD. Moderate depression and anorexia resurfaced first year. With a lot of trial and error on the medication side, and strong support from her therapist (virtual) and us (remotely), and a transfer to another college in her sophomore year, our daughter got back on her feet and is now heading into senior year.
My big takeaway is that, no matter how caring a school presents itself, and I am sure many are, be prepared to augment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not by the school, but our kid went to a much bigger state school. Our daughter went to college with generalized anxiety disorder and ADHD. Moderate depression and anorexia resurfaced first year. With a lot of trial and error on the medication side, and strong support from her therapist (virtual) and us (remotely), and a transfer to another college in her sophomore year, our daughter got back on her feet and is now heading into senior year.
My big takeaway is that, no matter how caring a school presents itself, and I am sure many are, be prepared to augment.

+1. If possible, get a therapist before you go and maintain that relationship while you're there. I would not depend on a college mental health office for adequate support. Even if it's light years better than when we all went, try to have support and health for mental health issues consistently and outside of the college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a similar SLAC and no, he is not well supported. I keep hearing accounts of other kids at the same school who are, but it seems it’s very individual or luck of the draw. In general schools are facing layoffs and tightened budgets and it seems like services and extras have been pared back. His professors are very nice and approachable but it has been hard to get help with anything outside individual classes. As an example, advising is weak to nonexistent and my kid panics at course registration. It starts at 11pm one particular night (different days for different classes) and if you don’t add popular courses or requirements in the first minute, you won’t get them. My kid is terrible with time pressure and basically gets zero preferred classes and every semester takes random leftover classes or spends weeks stalking for spots to open. Lotta bureaucracy for a small school.

But why is that the fault of the school? If your kid is 20 freaking years old, they should be able to open the course registration portal at 11 PM and figure out how to register for courses. If anything it's a lot easier at a SLAC than at a state school. The school is not responsible for your kid's own irresponsibility!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a similar SLAC and no, he is not well supported. I keep hearing accounts of other kids at the same school who are, but it seems it’s very individual or luck of the draw. In general schools are facing layoffs and tightened budgets and it seems like services and extras have been pared back. His professors are very nice and approachable but it has been hard to get help with anything outside individual classes. As an example, advising is weak to nonexistent and my kid panics at course registration. It starts at 11pm one particular night (different days for different classes) and if you don’t add popular courses or requirements in the first minute, you won’t get them. My kid is terrible with time pressure and basically gets zero preferred classes and every semester takes random leftover classes or spends weeks stalking for spots to open. Lotta bureaucracy for a small school.

But why is that the fault of the school? If your kid is 20 freaking years old, they should be able to open the course registration portal at 11 PM and figure out how to register for courses. If anything it's a lot easier at a SLAC than at a state school. The school is not responsible for your kid's own irresponsibility!

Not the PP but man. Why did you need to post this? May you and yours never have to deal with any mental health issues or disabilities.
Geez.

[Anonymous]

My kid had a good experience at Franklin & Marshall. They do a really nice job at providing supports to kids and even have an emergency on call team that can check on your kid if they are in crisis. Definitely keep your current therapist, if you can, or set up relationship with new one for guaranteed support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a similar SLAC and no, he is not well supported. I keep hearing accounts of other kids at the same school who are, but it seems it’s very individual or luck of the draw. In general schools are facing layoffs and tightened budgets and it seems like services and extras have been pared back. His professors are very nice and approachable but it has been hard to get help with anything outside individual classes. As an example, advising is weak to nonexistent and my kid panics at course registration. It starts at 11pm one particular night (different days for different classes) and if you don’t add popular courses or requirements in the first minute, you won’t get them. My kid is terrible with time pressure and basically gets zero preferred classes and every semester takes random leftover classes or spends weeks stalking for spots to open. Lotta bureaucracy for a small school.

Does your student qualify for accommodations? Discuss priority registration with the disability services office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a similar SLAC and no, he is not well supported. I keep hearing accounts of other kids at the same school who are, but it seems it’s very individual or luck of the draw. In general schools are facing layoffs and tightened budgets and it seems like services and extras have been pared back. His professors are very nice and approachable but it has been hard to get help with anything outside individual classes. As an example, advising is weak to nonexistent and my kid panics at course registration. It starts at 11pm one particular night (different days for different classes) and if you don’t add popular courses or requirements in the first minute, you won’t get them. My kid is terrible with time pressure and basically gets zero preferred classes and every semester takes random leftover classes or spends weeks stalking for spots to open. Lotta bureaucracy for a small school.

But why is that the fault of the school? If your kid is 20 freaking years old, they should be able to open the course registration portal at 11 PM and figure out how to register for courses. If anything it's a lot easier at a SLAC than at a state school. The school is not responsible for your kid's own irresponsibility!

Not the PP but man. Why did you need to post this? May you and yours never have to deal with any mental health issues or disabilities.
Geez.

Because I'm a therapist who deals with college students all the time with anxiety/depression who are hell-bent on blaming the school/admin for their OWN failings. I deal with mentally ill young adults day in and day out who are unable to take accountability for the most basic tasks. It's a HUGE cultural problem. Gen Z is happy to blame the school/institution/other adults for their own shortcomings while not doing anything on their own to solve their "inability to deal with time pressure" (as the PP describes their kid) or the myriad of other excuses I get about why my clients are not able to complete developmentally appropriate tasks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a similar SLAC and no, he is not well supported. I keep hearing accounts of other kids at the same school who are, but it seems it’s very individual or luck of the draw. In general schools are facing layoffs and tightened budgets and it seems like services and extras have been pared back. His professors are very nice and approachable but it has been hard to get help with anything outside individual classes. As an example, advising is weak to nonexistent and my kid panics at course registration. It starts at 11pm one particular night (different days for different classes) and if you don’t add popular courses or requirements in the first minute, you won’t get them. My kid is terrible with time pressure and basically gets zero preferred classes and every semester takes random leftover classes or spends weeks stalking for spots to open. Lotta bureaucracy for a small school.

DS had a similar experience, and I have to say that it got better over time. One thing that helped was me reaching out to one of the deans (which I was very reluctant to do) and asking how to help my kid succeed (after he had done the normal self advocacy stuff with no luck). I think they appreciated that I didn’t call to complain or ask them to make some special exception for my kid, and it turned out the DS had kinda slipped through the cracks in a couple of ways. The dean ended up connecting DS with professors who helped with getting classes as well as housing and other resources that made a big difference. At DS’s school, class registration was a disaster the first year and lots of kids and parents were really angry. Admin said “don’t worry, it will work out during the first week of classes” but that’s tough for kids dealing with anxiety. Getting connected directly with profs who took time to answer questions (and introduce DS to other profs whose classes had spots) and with the right person in the housing office (to deal with an awful roommate situation) helped a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a similar SLAC and no, he is not well supported. I keep hearing accounts of other kids at the same school who are, but it seems it’s very individual or luck of the draw. In general schools are facing layoffs and tightened budgets and it seems like services and extras have been pared back. His professors are very nice and approachable but it has been hard to get help with anything outside individual classes. As an example, advising is weak to nonexistent and my kid panics at course registration. It starts at 11pm one particular night (different days for different classes) and if you don’t add popular courses or requirements in the first minute, you won’t get them. My kid is terrible with time pressure and basically gets zero preferred classes and every semester takes random leftover classes or spends weeks stalking for spots to open. Lotta bureaucracy for a small school.

But why is that the fault of the school? If your kid is 20 freaking years old, they should be able to open the course registration portal at 11 PM and figure out how to register for courses. If anything it's a lot easier at a SLAC than at a state school. The school is not responsible for your kid's own irresponsibility!

To be clear, my kid logs on just before the appointed time but can’t click through fast enough to add the courses to his cart and check out, because his disabilities affect processing and motor speed. That’s what I mean. It’s just the first example I thought of regarding my kid’s education. Thanks for being so kind!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a similar SLAC and no, he is not well supported. I keep hearing accounts of other kids at the same school who are, but it seems it’s very individual or luck of the draw. In general schools are facing layoffs and tightened budgets and it seems like services and extras have been pared back. His professors are very nice and approachable but it has been hard to get help with anything outside individual classes. As an example, advising is weak to nonexistent and my kid panics at course registration. It starts at 11pm one particular night (different days for different classes) and if you don’t add popular courses or requirements in the first minute, you won’t get them. My kid is terrible with time pressure and basically gets zero preferred classes and every semester takes random leftover classes or spends weeks stalking for spots to open. Lotta bureaucracy for a small school.

But why is that the fault of the school? If your kid is 20 freaking years old, they should be able to open the course registration portal at 11 PM and figure out how to register for courses. If anything it's a lot easier at a SLAC than at a state school. The school is not responsible for your kid's own irresponsibility!

Not the PP but man. Why did you need to post this? May you and yours never have to deal with any mental health issues or disabilities.
Geez.

Because I'm a therapist who deals with college students all the time with anxiety/depression who are hell-bent on blaming the school/admin for their OWN failings. I deal with mentally ill young adults day in and day out who are unable to take accountability for the most basic tasks. It's a HUGE cultural problem. Gen Z is happy to blame the school/institution/other adults for their own shortcomings while not doing anything on their own to solve their "inability to deal with time pressure" (as the PP describes their kid) or the myriad of other excuses I get about why my clients are not able to complete developmentally appropriate tasks.

Maybe time to take a sabbatical. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at a similar SLAC and no, he is not well supported. I keep hearing accounts of other kids at the same school who are, but it seems it’s very individual or luck of the draw. In general schools are facing layoffs and tightened budgets and it seems like services and extras have been pared back. His professors are very nice and approachable but it has been hard to get help with anything outside individual classes. As an example, advising is weak to nonexistent and my kid panics at course registration. It starts at 11pm one particular night (different days for different classes) and if you don’t add popular courses or requirements in the first minute, you won’t get them. My kid is terrible with time pressure and basically gets zero preferred classes and every semester takes random leftover classes or spends weeks stalking for spots to open. Lotta bureaucracy for a small school.

DS had a similar experience, and I have to say that it got better over time. One thing that helped was me reaching out to one of the deans (which I was very reluctant to do) and asking how to help my kid succeed (after he had done the normal self advocacy stuff with no luck). I think they appreciated that I didn’t call to complain or ask them to make some special exception for my kid, and it turned out the DS had kinda slipped through the cracks in a couple of ways. The dean ended up connecting DS with professors who helped with getting classes as well as housing and other resources that made a big difference. At DS’s school, class registration was a disaster the first year and lots of kids and parents were really angry. Admin said “don’t worry, it will work out during the first week of classes” but that’s tough for kids dealing with anxiety. Getting connected directly with profs who took time to answer questions (and introduce DS to other profs whose classes had spots) and with the right person in the housing office (to deal with an awful roommate situation) helped a lot.

m
Thanks, this is helpful. We have tried as parents to coach but not to get involved directly but I think we need to, because self-advocacy isn’t working.