So. Difficult.

[Anonymous]

Tough situation. I’ve read the whole thread. Regarding the DD - She has a right to her feelings, yes AND she has to acknowledge that she is harboring a resentment that is now 4-5 years old. She is 22. She is old enough to start examining her reaction, resentment and her feelings. She is old enough to start communicating as a mature adult.

Regarding OP - avoiding your DD isn’t helping anything. If you want to preserve the relationship and move forward, figure out what you want to say, and how you want to say it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did op do the wrong thing?? SO many people didn’t let their kids socialize indoors. My entire social circle and my neighborhood handled it like this. They socialized outside.

In 2020 300 THOUSAND Americans died of COVID. Think of how many more that would have been if we hadn’t taken precautions. You didn’t make a mistake, you have nothing to apologize for.

You have a spoiled brat of a dd and you shouldn’t let her use you as a punching bag.

F that noise. The actual spoiled brats (the private school kids) were back in person in late 2020.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apologize sincerely and move on. She is your child so who cares who is wrong.

I don’t get the sense that DD will move on.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just admit it. You were probably one of those parents who was an anxious mess and made her life a living hell. I bet you still mask up in the car. You’re the one who should be in therapy.

[Anonymous]

My dd would not be setting foot in my house in this situation. We can talk once she gets over this bs slight.
We were in a similar situation, and nobody is selfish enough to harbor animosities

[Anonymous]

She sounds nuts. And why doesn’t she blame your husband, since it was his mother?

She either needs solo therapy or you should both go for family therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just admit it. You were probably one of those parents who was an anxious mess and made her life a living hell. I bet you still mask up in the car. You’re the one who should be in therapy.

But typing hostile, cruel messages to strangers online, that's totally healthy.

Be well, friend.

[Anonymous]

You are the parent so its your burden to fix it. Adult kids don't care to fix even if they are wrong and average therapists just want them as long term customers so they highlight and sometimes even exaggerate or create problems. You need to take kid in car or on walk and have a heart to heart and start rebuilding your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where was your husband when you were protecting his mother? His job was to show a united front on this. I’m sick of men getting a pass when women have to clean up their mess and take responsibility for things they ignore.

Wow, you read a whole lot into OP’s opening post and it says more about you than her.

[Anonymous]

Op, it's annoying that you came here to dump but aren't engaging. Please interact with your OWN THREAD!

[Anonymous]

If you pay for phone, health insurance, or help with her rent or utilities, time to stop. She sounds like a brat who is supposed to be adulting. And honestly any young woman who feels so free to dismiss and disparage her mother so freely is frankly someone I don't want my two sons anywhere near. That sort of anger and hostility permeates her personality. Nope.

[Anonymous]

Where is your DH in all this? I don’t understand why you’re the only one in trouble for this. He needs to sit down and talk with her, and then each time she’s disrespectful, he needs to speak up to support you. Not attack her but support how an adult responds.

With that said, you should also dig deep and think about her motivations. Even if you didn’t do wrong during Covid, it could go a long way to empathize with her. If I had to guess, the Covid friend group solidified without her and she hasn’t found her social footing after that. An apology without defensiveness could mean a lot, especially since the situation has passed and it’s not like you have to change any behavior just because you apologized. It’s easy to do but many people refuse to do it for whatever reason.

And finally, lay off on minor criticisms and advice. She’s an adult now. My dd is younger but gets more irritated with me than her dad. I tell my husband and he relays advice to her, and it’s much better received. For things that don’t matter, just let it go and vocally say that you have confidence in her decisions. She is an adult but at the same time needs to own her decisions and can’t blame you later.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry.

My child also does not remember or “credit me” for the many, many years ofhappy childhood I enabled. It is really hard to bear.

[Anonymous]

Did therapist worsen the situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you pay for phone, health insurance, or help with her rent or utilities, time to stop. She sounds like a brat who is supposed to be adulting. And honestly any young woman who feels so free to dismiss and disparage her mother so freely is frankly someone I don't want my two sons anywhere near. That sort of anger and hostility permeates her personality. Nope.

Why did you bring up your sons? What do they have to do with OP’s daughter?