Sibling adopted drug exposed toddler and their savior complex has because their whole persona

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading. It’s time to understand and relinquish long held views. If you are finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative regarding adopted children.


https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/cultural-views-on-adoption/qa

https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/

https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/

First of all, your first link is broken. I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective.

Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss. So, the situation is tragic. She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail. She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail.

There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy. She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs. Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members? I really don't think so.

Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent. In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often. Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible. I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family. These children sometimes are never able to support themselves. They need a lot of help.

To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing. But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand. Compassion is a virtue.

Your story, while sad, is completely irrelevant to OP's dilemma and just puts you on blast for attention. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading. It’s time to understand and relinquish long held views. If you are finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative regarding adopted children.


https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/cultural-views-on-adoption/qa

https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/

https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/

First of all, your first link is broken. I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective.

Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss. So, the situation is tragic. She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail. She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail.

There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy. She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs. Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members? I really don't think so.

Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent. In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often. Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible. I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family. These children sometimes are never able to support themselves. They need a lot of help.

To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing. But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand. Compassion is a virtue.

Your story, while sad, is completely irrelevant to OP's dilemma and just puts you on blast for attention. Stop.

What I was trying to say is that adoption is complex and adoptees don't have the only relevant perspective. Making this all about your "baby scoop" sob story is just as irrelevant, as far as we know.

[Anonymous]

OP is right on the vibes. Very crass. Seeking vulgar praise as adoptive parents. Adoptee is a prop in their own virtue show.

I know what I'm talking about. Adopted a child at age 3 from very, very similar circumstances. She is 16 now. Love her dearly and until death. However. She requires 10x the parenting of my 3 biological children combined. It is a long, hard road. A 70-year commitment. Hopefully your relatives will simply tire of posting at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading. It’s time to understand and relinquish long held views. If you are finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative regarding adopted children.


https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/cultural-views-on-adoption/qa

https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/

https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/

First of all, your first link is broken. I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective.

Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss. So, the situation is tragic. She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail. She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail.

There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy. She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs. Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members? I really don't think so.

Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent. In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often. Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible. I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family. These children sometimes are never able to support themselves. They need a lot of help.

To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing. But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand. Compassion is a virtue.

Your story, while sad, is completely irrelevant to OP's dilemma and just puts you on blast for attention. Stop.

What I was trying to say is that adoption is complex and adoptees don't have the only relevant perspective. Making this all about your "baby scoop" sob story is just as irrelevant, as far as we know.

I don't have a baby scoop sob story. Huh? Maybe start your own thread instead of posting a TLDR hijaking reply to OP's post.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you can say anything. They would be terribly offended. I’d just stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Adoptive parent here. I think OP is right in her concerns. I never posted anything difficult about our kids, though there have been difficult times, and I don't think parents (whether through biology or adoption) should be publicly oversharing. I do, however, get a little annoyed with the dramatic pendulum swing in the adoption world paradigms towards no gratitude towards adoptive parents. I do not expect my children to feel grateful that we adopted them. At all. I do, however, feel like any good parents (either biological or adoptive) deserve some gratitude from a child who gets raised in a loving, supportive home. I certainly feel that gratitude towards my own biological parents---who, while not perfect---were pretty darn great, supportive, and loving. When adoptees are told over and over to focus on their grief and loss regarding their biological family, without any concomitant recognition of also having good parents (albeit ones through adoption), it diminishes the adoptive parents. Anyone raised by a supportive loving family should be grateful for that family---far too many people never get that experience in any family situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adoptive parent here. I think OP is right in her concerns. I never posted anything difficult about our kids, though there have been difficult times, and I don't think parents (whether through biology or adoption) should be publicly oversharing. I do, however, get a little annoyed with the dramatic pendulum swing in the adoption world paradigms towards no gratitude towards adoptive parents. I do not expect my children to feel grateful that we adopted them. At all. I do, however, feel like any good parents (either biological or adoptive) deserve some gratitude from a child who gets raised in a loving, supportive home. I certainly feel that gratitude towards my own biological parents---who, while not perfect---were pretty darn great, supportive, and loving. When adoptees are told over and over to focus on their grief and loss regarding their biological family, without any concomitant recognition of also having good parents (albeit ones through adoption), it diminishes the adoptive parents. Anyone raised by a supportive loving family should be grateful for that family---far too many people never get that experience in any family situation.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading. It’s time to understand and relinquish long held views. If you are finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative regarding adopted children.


https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/cultural-views-on-adoption/qa

https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/

https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/

First of all, your first link is broken. I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective.

Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss. So, the situation is tragic. She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail. She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail.

There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy. She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs. Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members? I really don't think so.

Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent. In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often. Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible. I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family. These children sometimes are never able to support themselves. They need a lot of help.

To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing. But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand. Compassion is a virtue.

That the thing. We put all the resources, funding, and accolades into the ( usually well off white) adoptive parents with zero to the actual parent who could use this. I am not saying there aren't actual mothers who really do want to give away their kids, there are. But most of the time it's about classism,racism, morality, and money. Women take all the hits for being incapable, but where is the father, where are other family members?
And, not all adoptions have to do with a mother who cannot parent, or drugs, or mental illness. Sometimes they have little support, or are young. That's not a take a child card for the infertile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adoptive parent here. I think OP is right in her concerns. I never posted anything difficult about our kids, though there have been difficult times, and I don't think parents (whether through biology or adoption) should be publicly oversharing. I do, however, get a little annoyed with the dramatic pendulum swing in the adoption world paradigms towards no gratitude towards adoptive parents. I do not expect my children to feel grateful that we adopted them. At all. I do, however, feel like any good parents (either biological or adoptive) deserve some gratitude from a child who gets raised in a loving, supportive home. I certainly feel that gratitude towards my own biological parents---who, while not perfect---were pretty darn great, supportive, and loving. When adoptees are told over and over to focus on their grief and loss regarding their biological family, without any concomitant recognition of also having good parents (albeit ones through adoption), it diminishes the adoptive parents. Anyone raised by a supportive loving family should be grateful for that family---far too many people never get that experience in any family situation.

But- have you acknowledged their true identity, their race or ethnicity , their birth story, or are we just rebranding and asking them to be grateful? Do they have access to all their information, who their parents are, who their extended family is, what their genealogy is, what their medical history is? Or are they just supposed to be grateful that you took them in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading. It’s time to understand and relinquish long held views. If you are finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative regarding adopted children.


https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/cultural-views-on-adoption/qa

https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/

https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/

First of all, your first link is broken. I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective.

Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss. So, the situation is tragic. She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail. She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail.

There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy. She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs. Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members? I really don't think so.

Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent. In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often. Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible. I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family. These children sometimes are never able to support themselves. They need a lot of help.

To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing. But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand. Compassion is a virtue.

Your story, while sad, is completely irrelevant to OP's dilemma and just puts you on blast for attention. Stop.

I don't think PP 's comment is irrelevant at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading. It’s time to understand and relinquish long held views. If you are finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative regarding adopted children.


https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/cultural-views-on-adoption/qa

https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/

https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/

First of all, your first link is broken. I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective.

Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss. So, the situation is tragic. She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail. She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail.

There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy. She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs. Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members? I really don't think so.

Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent. In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often. Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible. I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family. These children sometimes are never able to support themselves. They need a lot of help.

To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing. But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand. Compassion is a virtue.

Your story, while sad, is completely irrelevant to OP's dilemma and just puts you on blast for attention. Stop.

What I was trying to say is that adoption is complex and adoptees don't have the only relevant perspective. Making this all about your "baby scoop" sob story is just as irrelevant, as far as we know.

I'll help you out here, PP, since you are a little slow on the uptake. No one is hijacking the OP's thread. This is about the child's POV in this scenario. OP is tired of sister's savior speak, so- what do you think is going to happen with the kid? See, no one thinks about that.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading. It’s time to understand and relinquish long held views. If you are finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative regarding adopted children.


https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/cultural-views-on-adoption/qa

https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/

https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/

First of all, your first link is broken. I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective.

Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss. So, the situation is tragic. She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail. She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail.

There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy. She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs. Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members? I really don't think so.

Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent. In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often. Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible. I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family. These children sometimes are never able to support themselves. They need a lot of help.

To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing. But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand. Compassion is a virtue.

Your story, while sad, is completely irrelevant to OP's dilemma and just puts you on blast for attention. Stop.

What I was trying to say is that adoption is complex and adoptees don't have the only relevant perspective. Making this all about your "baby scoop" sob story is just as irrelevant, as far as we know.

I'll help you out here, PP, since you are a little slow on the uptake. No one is hijacking the OP's thread. This is about the child's POV in this scenario. OP is tired of sister's savior speak, so- what do you think is going to happen with the kid? See, no one thinks about that.

I see very little posts about the child’s POV but a bunch of posts about how people should be grateful for their parents. Is anyone asking these children how they feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading. It’s time to understand and relinquish long held views. If you are finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative regarding adopted children.


https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/cultural-views-on-adoption/qa

https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/

https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/

First of all, your first link is broken. I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective.

Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss. So, the situation is tragic. She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail. She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail.

There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy. She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs. Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members? I really don't think so.

Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent. In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often. Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible. I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family. These children sometimes are never able to support themselves. They need a lot of help.

To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing. But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand. Compassion is a virtue.

Your story, while sad, is completely irrelevant to OP's dilemma and just puts you on blast for attention. Stop.

What I was trying to say is that adoption is complex and adoptees don't have the only relevant perspective. Making this all about your "baby scoop" sob story is just as irrelevant, as far as we know.

I'll help you out here, PP, since you are a little slow on the uptake. No one is hijacking the OP's thread. This is about the child's POV in this scenario. OP is tired of sister's savior speak, so- what do you think is going to happen with the kid? See, no one thinks about that.

I see very little posts about the child’s POV but a bunch of posts about how people should be grateful for their parents. Is anyone asking these children how they feel?

Which is my point, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading. It’s time to understand and relinquish long-held views. If you are finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative regarding adopted children.


https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/cultural-views-on-adoption/qa

https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/

https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/

First of all, your first link is broken. I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective.

Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss. So, the situation is tragic. She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail. She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail.

There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy. She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs. Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members? I really don't think so.

Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent. In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often. Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible. I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family. These children sometimes are never able to support themselves. They need a lot of help.

To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing. But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand. Compassion is a virtue.

Your story, while sad, is completely irrelevant to OP's dilemma and just puts you on blast for attention. Stop.

What I was trying to say is that adoption is complex and adoptees don't have the only relevant perspective. Making this all about your "baby scoop" sob story is just as irrelevant, as far as we know.

I'll help you out here, PP, since you are a little slow on the uptake. No one is hijacking the OP's thread. This is about the child's POV in this scenario. OP is tired of sister's savior speak, so- what do you think is going to happen with the kid? See, no one thinks about that.

I see very little posts about the child’s POV but a bunch of posts about how people should be grateful for their parents. Is anyone asking these children how they feel?

Which is my point, actually.

OP here. This is precisely what my worry is. Who will harm my nephew when he is old enough to read or understand the constant commentary? My sibling already has narcissistic tendencies and has dealt with past addiction issues their spouse enabled. The spouse is now detached, but virtual signals about the child and there perfect home online. Although it’s a financially stable environment, it’s just another type of toxic household this little boy is in and I feel concerned for him.