Sibling adopted drug exposed toddler and their savior complex has because their whole persona

[Anonymous]

My sibling adopted a drug-exposed 2.5-year-old little boy from foster care last year after many years of infertility.

I realize a child with his background and neglect comes with challenges. However, my sibling and spouse document all of it on social media, mainly in how they saved the boy and how much better he has it. Every new toy, vacation, and family outing is about how he wouldn’t have this or that if we didn’t save him from his horrible biological family.

This is just a rant but it feels so wrong to me, especially as their son gets older and can read their posts or internalize their commentary. I want to say something. Would that be wrong? It feels almost narcissistic to constantly post and talk about this.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised they are doing this, considering how much mandatory education stuff surrounding why you shouldn’t do this comes with the territory of fostering to adopt a child. Which means they have been told how they shouldn’t do this by actual experts and are still doing it. Meaning, they aren’t going to listen to you.

[Anonymous]

I think that in the interests of the child, you should say something privately to the parents.

My best friends adopted a baby who had lived in pretty dire orphanage conditions in another country, and who needed various therapies and treatments. Their mindset was that their child had brought them so much, and that THEY were the lucky ones. And obviously they didn't, and still don't, post too much on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sibling adopted a drug-exposed 2.5-year-old little boy from foster care last year after many years of infertility.

I realize a child with his background and neglect comes with challenges. However, my sibling and spouse document all of it on social media, mainly in how they saved the boy and how much better he has it. Every new toy, vacation, and family outing is about how he wouldn’t have this or that if we didn’t save him from his horrible biological family.

This is just a rant but it feels so wrong to me, especially as their son gets older and can read their posts or internalize their commentary. I want to say something. Would that be wrong? It feels almost narcissistic to constantly post and talk about this.

Yes, it’s wrong and deeply narcissistic but anyone that narcissistic isn’t going to listen to you. And the child has been adopted and isn’t being physically harmed so there is nothing to legally report. So, I don’t think you can do anything.

[Anonymous]

It's your sibling. You can say something and be direct, because even if they get all huffy and upset, it will blow over eventually. It's definitely worth trying, because this is really bad for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your sibling. You can say something and be direct, because even if they get all huffy and upset, it will blow over eventually. It's definitely worth trying, because this is really bad for the kid.

Narcissists never let things blow over

[Anonymous]

There are a TON of struggles behind closed doors with a drug-exposed kid and will be for YEARS to come.

To counter their defeats, they publicly post the happy moments and (reassure their own selves ) with the savior persona. It boosts their self esteem too...which is what people need when raising a troubled and stubbirn and challenging foster kid need.

Add into the equation their sadness and frustration of years of infertility, then this whole persona isn't unusual.

In fact, you could argue they're vicariously living their "what could've been" through their triumph and happy moments like a new toy, vacation, type posts.

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend who adopted a disabled child from an orphanage in an Eastern European country and posts ad nausea on instagram photos, videos and testimonials of all the medical interventions and mental health therapies this poor kid is undergoing. For years. zero privacy.

I think what my friend has done is incredibly noble, but I am extremely uncomfortable with the public insta posting about very private and personal struggles this kid is experiencing. I think my friend’s heart is in the right place but as a disabled person myself I would not want all of my private and intimate moments (including being in pain and despair) plastered all over the internet.

[Anonymous]

If you have a close relationship, I would definitely say something. I follow a Romanian adoptee on instagram and she has many posts about her American parents constantly reminding her she was adopted and lucky. Now, she’s no contact with them.

[Anonymous]

They’ve been through years of infertility and now have to transition into this new life. I have a ton of empathy for them. It sounds like you are coming from a place of judgment. Therefore, I wouldn’t say anything because it’s not coming from the right place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend who adopted a disabled child from an orphanage in an Eastern European country and posts ad nausea on instagram photos, videos and testimonials of all the medical interventions and mental health therapies this poor kid is undergoing. For years. zero privacy.

I think what my friend has done is incredibly noble, but I am extremely uncomfortable with the public insta posting about very private and personal struggles this kid is experiencing. I think my friend’s heart is in the right place but as a disabled person myself I would not want all of my private and intimate moments (including being in pain and despair) plastered all over the internet.

You should listen to this season of this podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/nobody-...7188?i=1000682372689

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’ve been through years of infertility and now have to transition into this new life. I have a ton of empathy for them. It sounds like you are coming from a place of judgment. Therefore, I wouldn’t say anything because it’s not coming from the right place.

Protecting a child's privacy is not coming from the right place?
Who should have more empathy, the child or the self congratulatory white savior complex parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’ve been through years of infertility and now have to transition into this new life. I have a ton of empathy for them. It sounds like you are coming from a place of judgment. Therefore, I wouldn’t say anything because it’s not coming from the right place.

Protecting a child's privacy is not coming from the right place?
Who should have more empathy, the child or the self congratulatory white savior complex parents?

Of course the child deserves empathy, but that is not the question op was asking. The child receives no benefit from an aunt calling their parents narcissists and lecturing them.

[Anonymous]

Tough dilemma, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your sibling. You can say something and be direct, because even if they get all huffy and upset, it will blow over eventually. It's definitely worth trying, because this is really bad for the kid.

Narcissists never let things blow over

True.