Sibling adopted drug exposed toddler and their savior complex has because their whole persona
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Anonymous
Unfortunately people disregard basic parenting advice pretty much constantly. The point is OP is not the best person equipped to help these parents do better. |
Anonymous
It's always the adoptive parent who has the most trouble with all this. Maybe this can help you understand a little better: https://howtobeadopted.com/blog/2021/finding-...-post-by-gilli-bruce Living in Adoption’s Emotional Aftermath https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/04/10...-emotional-aftermath |
Anonymous
I did not realize the savior narrative. That is screwed up. Hopefully it does not represent the majority of adoptive parents. |
Anonymous
All kids serve the parent's purpose. Get over yourself. |
Anonymous
It's actually less about the individual parent unit and more about society's perception. All adopted children are seen as being "saved" and all adoptive parents as saviors, when, in fact, children are actually fulfilling the needs of the adoptive parents. In this case, the OP writes about her sister, and it appears that the sister needs to have a martyr situation present, but it isn't because she saved a child with needs, it's a trauma from her fertility journey- which is emotionally and physically intense. She may not be a narcissist, but it’s, in effect, a whole dynamic going on that this child is fulfilling. |
Anonymous
Not when they are removed from their mother, actually. Then they serve society's purpose. |
Anonymous
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Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading. It’s time to understand and relinquish long held views. If you are finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative regarding adopted children.
https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption...views-on-adoption/qa https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/ https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/ |
Anonymous
WTF? You're telling us who you are. Clearly. |
Anonymous
| Most parents lose their identity to their kids, martyr themselves, and most parents make mistakes. The biggest thing you can do is be there for the kid when they hit their teens and things get rocky. Just ignore their social media posts. |
Anonymous
| I can almost guarantee your sibling would be just as annoying social media user with a bio child, btw. |
Anonymous
Oppositional Defiant Disorder. |
Anonymous
Are you a parent? |
Anonymous
First of all, your first link is broken. I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective. Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss. So, the situation is tragic. She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail. She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail. There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy. She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs. Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members? I really don't think so. Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent. In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often. Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible. I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family. These children sometimes are never able to support themselves. They need a lot of help. To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing. But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand. Compassion is a virtue. |
Anonymous
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After reading each PP, my advice is to mite or even block them from your social media accounts.
I have a relative who is incredibly narcissistic, delusional and writes long glowing posts about each DC who are now young adults. Way too much personal information shared. Started with a blog documenting everyday life with young children (and way too many photos and details) and just kept going. |
Anonymous
What a sh$&@y comment. Do you know scoop era was? It was human trafficking. Have some sympathy. |