Reply to Sibling adopted drug exposed toddler and their savior complex has because their whole persona

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Addressing societal views on adoption- some reading.  It’s time  to understand  and relinquish long held views. If you are  finding that you are becoming angry at these statements, it only proves the long held narrative  regarding adopted children.

https://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/cultural-views-on-adoption/qa

https://redthreadbroken.com/2019/05/01/on-gratitude-and-adoption/

https://adoption.com/avoiding-the-savior-complex-in-adoption/[/quote]

First of all, your first link is broken.  I appreciated your other links for a nuanced perspective.

Let me give you another one: I have a close family member who had two children taken from her because she was basically homeless and unable to raise them. She will feel the loss of those children for the rest of her life, and those children will also likely feel a sense of loss.  So, the situation is tragic.  She was also taken from her birth family who were drug addicts and in and out of jail.  She is severely mentally ill and in and out of jail.

There is no magic situation that would have made those childrens' lives free of tragedy.  She now lives in a storage shed with no running water and three dogs.  Would they have been better off moving every few months, with large chunks of their childhood spent with drug addicted family members?  I really don't think so.

Sometimes people don't want to or can't parent.  In those situations (which we hope will be rare as they are inherently tragic) it's best if those kids are adopted early and often.  Recovering from severe neglect and overcoming family tendencies towards drug addiction / alcohol addiction / mental illness is very difficult and often impossible.  I've seen that in children adopted from international impoverished and addicted situations in my own family.  These children sometimes are never able to support themselves.  They need a lot of help.

To be clear, I do not think the above family member who is putting their child's issues on blast is doing the right thing.  But, it's possible that their situation i more difficult than casual observers can understand.  Compassion is a virtue.[/quote]
That the thing. We put all the resources,  funding, and accolades into the ( usually well off white) adoptive parents with zero to the actual parent who could use this. I am not saying there aren't actual mothers who really do want to give away their kids, there are. But most of the time it's about classism,racism, morality, and money. Women take all the hits  for being incapable,  but where is the father,  where are other family members? 
And,  not all adoptions have to do with a mother who cannot parent, or drugs,  or mental illness.  Sometimes they have little support, or are young. That's not a take a child card for the infertile.  [/quote]

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