Disappointed kids are just average
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Anonymous
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I am a high school teacher (with 2 kids in HS). At my hs about 20% of kids are striver/in all AP/studying for SAT, about 15% already know they won't be going to college and just want to graduate, and the other 65% are just like OP’s kid. They hang out with friends, play sports, and could really care less about school. That does not mean college is not for them If you're in MD, schools like Goucher, BCC, Hood, Salisbury and even Towson will take a kid like this.
They may even end up coasting through college like they did high school, but a majority of them that I see after college are all well adjusted, happy young people. They may not be doctors or in finance, but they're solidly employed and productive members of society. Show your kids some love and that you trust them just as they are. |
Anonymous
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I grew up in this area--was somewhat above average for this area, and went to college and succeeded at the plans I had made. The gift of average is doing what you want and being happy--no outsized outside expectations to fail at, etc.
My cousin was the best/smartest in a small school in a small town, the best at her extracurriculars, etc. She went to a T10 university, and struggled. She's still struggling 20 years later--to be happy, to know what she wants to do in life, to meet her parents expectations, etc. The thing about growing up here, in an ocean of extraordinary people, is that it gives you perspective about yourself, so you aren't surprised when you go out into the broader world and meet people who are more successful than you at things, or encounter something hard that you have to work through. |
Anonymous
Honest and average is better than genius and evil. You are probably average too, as I am! |
Anonymous
Most the town of D.C. thrives on workaholic, striver, Type “A”zzhole culture. Several men I know have had massive heart attacks or quadruple bypass surgeries in their 50s, or even 40s; largely due to stress. Is that what you want for your children? |
Anonymous
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My religious faith emphasises good deeds and good karma over worship.
So how can I ever be disappointed if my kid is a kind, moral and helpful person? |
Anonymous
| Did anyone else read the title of this post and think that “disappointed” was an adjective describing “kids” as the subject? I thought I was going to see an article on how it’s normal for kids to be disappointed a lot! |
Anonymous
You were good in sports. You were good academically. That must have been nice but those days are gone. You have a job as a director much like other adults. I’d say currently you are pretty average and that’s ok. If your kids stay average meaning As and Bs in high school, activities that they enjoy, have some friends, find a college that’s just right for them and a happy family then consider yourself lucky and be happy. |
Anonymous
You hadn’t accomplished any of those things in elementary school, though. Since you’ve never personally experienced anything but success, you haven’t had to build resilience. Picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and moving forward after a disappointment is a good life skill. You’re just encountering this now, as an adult. Your children will have different life experiences that build different skills. Their successes may be smaller or less frequent, but they’ll be appreciated so much more. |
Anonymous
| Just enjoy life. One day you’ll be old and dying (if you’re lucky to live to be old) and you’ll be wishing you just loved your kids for who they are and not spent so much time making yourself miserable for what they weren’t. And who cares about sports!?!? It’s literally a game. |
Anonymous
I also don't see where OP herself is any kind of amazing super star as an adult! At my job, being a director is a middle manager. It is a bunch of 40-ish year olds - I am one of them - and we do fine but we are not even at the top of the orc chart. Sounds like you peaked in high school. Your kids aren't there yet. But in the meantime please get therapy. I am guessing you won't and think we are all being mean but genuinely, these kind of unmet expectations are incredibly harmful. |
Anonymous
Exactly. My valedictorian sister is a SAHM and while I was average in high school and college went on to have a great career in public service. It will all turn out Ok. |
Anonymous
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OP - I was a very high achiever throughout my early life. Everything came easily to me as well. I went to a top 25 school and played 2 D1 sports. But I was an absolutely miserable mess. And honestly not that great of a person. Because my whole life I'd been told that being smart and athletic were what made you worthy as a person, and frankly that's just the genetic lottery.
In my early 20s I woke up and realized that none of that actually mattered in life, and tried to focus on being a better friend, family member and person all around. I think because of that experience, I just want my kids to know themselves. And be good people. And find something they love, even though if they're not going to excel at it. |
Anonymous
Are you exceptional? I'm not saying this in a snotty way. I think most of us are not, but our society makes us feel like we need to be and our kids need to be too. Even worse in the DMV which is why I no longer live there. Are you kind? Do you have a strong relationships? Do you have meaning in you life? These are the things that really matter. |
Anonymous
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Also - just wanted it add that I think average is pretty good! My son has the hardest time in school. Works so hard. Barely passes or fails the standard tests. I had no idea growing up that graduation wasn’t a given. We will see to it that he graduates with tutors and whatever we have to do - but it is not a given. I believe despite his academic challenges he will do fine in life because we had a good work ethic so I’m not worried. You can’t tell his grades are average as he seems smart.
Average is fine! I wish my kid could just study the average amount and get average grades. |