Disappointed kids are just average

[Anonymous]

I know too many people who have had to bury a child ever to feel this way, OP. Get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the just ok kids from my high school are pretty successful as adults.

[Anonymous]

At this point, I’d be happy for my kids to be DC average.

I grew up in a less worldly and academic state and DC people are generally sooo much smarter, savvier, open-minded, engaged than most of the people I grew up around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if it’s even harder for parents who always excelled at everything. I was captain of every sports team I played on, was top 5 of my graduating high school and college classes and now as an adult director in my field. I have never not succeeded in what I have tried at. Op here

Things you are failing at:

Loving your kids for who they are
Humility
Having perspective
Empathy

Best of luck with working on those things. I'm sure someone as accomplished as you can figure it out, though.

[Anonymous]

You’ll get raked over the coals here, OP, but I sort of get it. My kid is fairly smart at school and average at a a crazy competitive sport. She’s also very self-aware, which will serve her well in adulthood but means she knows exactly where she stands now. She’s smart enough to be placed with brilliant kids at school but feels slow compared to them. At her sport, there’s a clear divide between natural protégés and girls with a little bit of talent and crazy work ethic. Her work ethic is keeping her in the sport but she isn’t one of the standouts that gets all of the attention and resources, and it will be a yearly struggle to keep her place in the program.

I often wonder what life feels like for her peers who are just natural at what they do, even if I am grateful for who she is. It’s natural to be curious about whether life is easier or better with more talent.

[Anonymous]

I was you when my kid was in elementary. He is still average but you get used to it. At least he isn’t anxious, depressed, doesn’t think he is a girl and he is interested in girls.
No drug problems, knock on wood. And he is good looking so maybe he has it made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll get raked over the coals here, OP, but I sort of get it. My kid is fairly smart at school and average at a a crazy competitive sport. She’s also very self-aware, which will serve her well in adulthood but means she knows exactly where she stands now. She’s smart enough to be placed with brilliant kids at school but feels slow compared to them. At her sport, there’s a clear divide between natural protégés and girls with a little bit of talent and crazy work ethic. Her work ethic is keeping her in the sport but she isn’t one of the standouts that gets all of the attention and resources, and it will be a yearly struggle to keep her place in the program.

I often wonder what life feels like for her peers who are just natural at what they do, even if I am grateful for who she is. It’s natural to be curious about whether life is easier or better with more talent.

I don’t think protege means what you think it means

[Anonymous]

I posted before. To add, my ex and I grew up in similar circumstances but I was always one of the best, ambitious, etc etc. He was normal but he chose CS as his field and I went into humanities and then had a kid and now he is way more successful than I am. You just never know!

Being a man is an advantage imho.
Being good looking is definitely an advantage.
Not having mental health issues is a huge one, as well as having a healthy level of self esteem.
The rest is less important imho.

[Anonymous]

Elementary aged? Adoption is still on the table OP. Sometimes you have to cut your losses.

Sorry this has befallen you. Hidden burden of being so awesome all the time.

[Anonymous]

My kids are average or below average and so was I. Being a parent has involved me getting over a lot of things. They are college age but not in college, working but at $20/hr jobs so they live at home, popular with their friend groups but have lost touch with the ones that went to top schools.

They'll be fine. Maybe they'll marry well.

[Anonymous]

What a terrible thought, OP. You need therapy.

—therapy goer

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you need therapy. Your kids are humans beings not accomplishments or trophies for your wall. I have my own self worth so my kids don’t need to excel at anything in particular to make me happy.

And OP, I am also accomplished in my field. Executive level, fancy degree from fancy school that DCUM would love. My kids don’t need to live my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? Most people are just ok. But many of them are good and kind and raise good families who help others and contribute in their ways.

Kids are in elementary school. Op here

goodness My kids were not exceptional in ES, except maybe one was academically.

Give them time to grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if it’s even harder for parents who always excelled at everything. I was captain of every sports team I played on, was top 5 of my graduating high school and college classes and now as an adult director in my field. I have never not succeeded in what I have tried at. Op here

Op how could you possibly know that your kids are average at elementary age!? For one thing, all of your comparators are from the end of high school on, even the sports. I assume you were not captain of the 2nd grade summer swim team but rather a high school sport, which, by the way, is not always the "best" player but is more often a leader, thus rewarding hard work in addition to innate skill. Frankly, you sound like you have an inflated concept of how successful you were/are.

[Anonymous]

I love it! My now HS aged kid is above average, but not super high. There is no pressure to get into top colleges. And there is no such thing as a dream college. Now we can save the money we were going to use for those schools for a future down payment for a house when they are ready without feeling like we are being cheap.