Disappointed kids are just average

[Anonymous]

I don't see a problem.

[Anonymous]

Well OP, with your attitude you’ll give your kids some serious mental and emotional issues. So in that sense they will not be average!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ll get raked over the coals here, OP, but I sort of get it. My kid is fairly smart at school and average at a a crazy competitive sport. She’s also very self-aware, which will serve her well in adulthood but means she knows exactly where she stands now. She’s smart enough to be placed with brilliant kids at school but feels slow compared to them. At her sport, there’s a clear divide between natural protégés and girls with a little bit of talent and crazy work ethic. Her work ethic is keeping her in the sport but she isn’t one of the standouts that gets all of the attention and resources, and it will be a yearly struggle to keep her place in the program.

I often wonder what life feels like for her peers who are just natural at what they do, even if I am grateful for who she is. It’s natural to be curious about whether life is easier or better with more talent.

I don’t think protege means what you think it means

Lord help me, voice to text in the wind. Prodigy. Prodigy!

[Anonymous]

Consider this: most people ending up leading very average lives as adults, even if they are in the gifted program in 3rd grade, win state track meets in high school, and even if they attend an Ivy League college.

[Anonymous]

My kid is average academically (two advanced degree parents). I wish they had better grades and scores so they would get more merit aid for college. Otherwise, I just want them to care about something and be willing to work hard. I also want them to be kind, interested in what's going on in the world and be somewhat introspective. We'll see. I hear they can mature a lot in college.

I think as parents we need to accept that they are their own person, much is determined by birth, and appreciate the people they are.

[Anonymous]

I was average until law school, but I decided to care and graduated top of that class. I stopped caring again 10 years into my career and settled at average with time for more time for my family and hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well OP, with your attitude you’ll give your kids some serious mental and emotional issues. So in that sense they will not be average!

+1 seriously OP, go to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if it’s even harder for parents who always excelled at everything. I was captain of every sports team I played on, was top 5 of my graduating high school and college classes and now as an adult director in my field. I have never not succeeded in what I have tried at. Op here

What is DC of not a bunch of nerds from small towns who excelled in high school and college all grouped together in one place with their kids competing against each other? Putting aside that you really need to find a way to get over this, it would make total sense that your kids are average - everyone here is the offspring of "successful parents." Barf.

[Anonymous]

As a kid who was way above average in many things, the older I get the more I realize it really does not matter. Being a striver does not equal happiness - and in the big scheme of things, the person who can appreciate a beautiful sunset, or prioritize time with family and friends over an incredible career, or know they are making a difference by serving others in some way, is going to have just as good a turn on this earth as a superstar. Raise your kids to prioritize the right things (being good kind people and finding joy in what they do have) and to be successful enough not to be burdened by poverty (lots of paths to that if starting MC/UMC) and they’ll be lucky.

[Anonymous]

My friend’s brother was very successful, sports, schools, graduated from Harvard, etc. at 35 he is living with mom and dad with no job, girlfriend, independence… he has a bunch of psychological issues, etc. but he is very smart!

His average sister, has a job, is married and has a child. She didn’t go to Harvard and was ok at sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a kid who was way above average in many things, the older I get the more I realize it really does not matter. Being a striver does not equal happiness - and in the big scheme of things, the person who can appreciate a beautiful sunset, or prioritize time with family and friends over an incredible career, or know they are making a difference by serving others in some way, is going to have just as good a turn on this earth as a superstar. Raise your kids to prioritize the right things (being good kind people and finding joy in what they do have) and to be successful enough not to be burdened by poverty (lots of paths to that if starting MC/UMC) and they’ll be lucky.

I love this! Honestly being average is kind of a blessing. I know a lot of miserable recovering childhood overachievers love your kids. They are and help them find something that they love to do and they will be set up for a happy adulthood. Certainly putting pressure on them to achieve beyond their abilities will not do that.

[Anonymous]

i am a miserabe recovering childhood overachiever who unfortunately didn't figure out what was wrong until i was nearly 60. I pushed my kids unreasonably because I thought I could 'make them successful'. I was mostly unhappy with their averageness when they were growing up and it was clearly my issue, not theirs. We were overseas a lot with military and foreign service and there wasn't a lot of online therapy available twenty years ago. in retrospect, I wish I had gotten a lot more therapy a lot sooner.

We had a hard childhood upbringing and my sister recently said that there her number one goal for her kids in their relationships was that they marry someone who was nice to them. My mom keeps yammering on about 'what does he do' and 'where does he work', and now in retrospect it seems like ideally that would be a relatively small part of picking a spouse and a good job shouldn't override something like cruelty, but we truly didn't know that growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if it’s even harder for parents who always excelled at everything. I was captain of every sports team I played on, was top 5 of my graduating high school and college classes and now as an adult director in my field. I have never not succeeded in what I have tried at. Op here

Where did you grow up, though??

DH and I both grew up in less competitive areas and had more successes while growing up than our kids have. Even though our kids are great.

My guess is that it’s nowhere near as competitive as the DMV in 2025. Just saying…

And to think that the DMV is just one of many places accomplished people congregate. Even if your child is a spectacular athlete or scholar in the DMV it by no means that on a larger stage they will find success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if it’s even harder for parents who always excelled at everything. I was captain of every sports team I played on, was top 5 of my graduating high school and college classes and now as an adult director in my field. I have never not succeeded in what I have tried at. Op here

I understand how you feel as I was in this boat for a little while. But at some point, you realize that your children come into this word with their own program. We have to feed them, clothe them and keep them safe until they are old enough to be on their own. Just enjoy the journey of parenting and see how to bring out the best in your children, even if they don’t align with your standards. Change your perspective and enjoy this time, because it goes quickly!

[Anonymous]

Your children are still very young.. Plenty of time for them to excel..