TJ kid and suspecting hidden disability

[Anonymous]

what is TJ?

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the replies, OP.

Just want to say that I was an academically very high performing kid, top of my class at a similarly rigorous HS (private New ENgland prep school), and have three Ivy League degrees. But I very much wish I had had some support early on!

It is not just that I hit my wall and struggled with my dissertation. It is that I have absolutely horrible executive functions (a lifetime of forgoing all organizational systems and just relying on smarts and the push of last minute-pressure) and a huge amount of anxiety. These have hurt me in so many very significant ways as an adult.

School was easy because the parameters were clear, the expectations manageable, the amount of work limited, and - it needs to be pointed out - I just liked it. I was interested in all subjects. I hyperfocused. But I really struggle with regular adult responsibilities.

I get that, back then and even now, I didn't raise a lot of red flags for ADHD but I can't help wish that someone had insisted I work on my executive functions. And I especially think that I could have had some support for my anxiety. For me, going to a less rigorous high school or college would not have made sense or helped me in any way. I *loved* school. I loved the challenge. I loved doing well. What would have helped me is having parents or teachers notice how uneven my development was and maybe someone setting up some targeted therapy in my areas of weakness.

For what it's worth, I was very social but have definitely become more introverted in my old age. I find adult life incredibly draining.

[Anonymous]

6:53 here.

I just reread your OP and realize that I didn't answer the question. What I would do is start with a therapy. I'd look for a good PhD psychologist who works with adolescents and will get to know your child well, uses CBT, and go from there. I don't know how much you will gain from $4-$6 thousand dollar testing, to be honest, given that your child is so successful in so many areas. I would jump right into therapy and have the therapist work on areas weakness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could he have OCD?

Two people on my side of the family have OCD, so yes its a possibility. As a non-professional, it's not easy for me to know if that's part of it. Kid has a weird thing with only drinking one kind of water (so beyond the food stuff there is a thing about not liking tap water and recently only one preferred brand of water). I don't know if again it's an aversion, fear of the unknown, fear of bacteria...I'm not able to get answers about certain behaviors like that.

I don't see repetitive behaviors other than being rigid about routines and schedules.

This type of rigidity presented in my DD—including not brushing teeth. It’s exacerbated in her by stress. She was eventually diagnosed with OCD, and ERP therapy helped dramatically. And yes it runs in families.

[Anonymous]

Some of these responders really have no idea what they are talking about.

Sounds like your child is headed towards neurodivergent burnout, OP. Consequences and behavior modification can make this worse.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here have experience with suspecting a disability in high school?

Signs:
Food aversions (from a very young age)
Refusal to study
Struggles with social anxiety in certain situations
Avoidance of daily living tasks

The kid is obviously very bright so none of this came out until TJ is now pushing academic limits. Kid masks very very well. Appears very social, no problem making friends.

Where do you start with testing? Do I ask the school?

Perhaps transfer your kid back to their home school. Running people close to the upper bounds of their coping ability is a poor choice.

To succeed long term, people have to enjoy life, school, work enough to find meaning in going forward.

This may not be a question of what diagnosis your child may have. It may be about whether they are in the right environment to foster their growth.

Kid is actually doing fine academically, but the signs I mentioned are not improving despite attempting many at home techniques and hiring an executive coach. Sending back to the home school will allow the behaviors to continue.

Also adding that kid expressed that they would not be opposed to testing and also felt that ADHD might be an issue, but after recognizing kid was the only one in a big group to not eat a very popular food. It sort of dawned on me this behavior is pretty outside the norm.

“doesn’t like tacos” is not a DSM criteria for any disorder. Any DSM diagnosis is supposed to pose a significant clinical challenge in their life. What is the significant issue here?

Tacos is about the only thing the kid eats. There are 3 or so items the kid eats from specific brands and usually it's repeatedly for years on end. As a young child it was one kind of Mac and cheese for about 3 years. These days it's plain burgers. We can't go to random restaurants. Kid will not eat the food.

I have to give kid at least a weeks notice regarding schedule changes. Used to be a few days and expanded to a week after a recent incident that I took kid to a new activity with several days notice. Kid enjoyed activity but that was the new demand.

Kid will not brush teeth or face despite complaining about acne. Usually doesn't shower more than once a week despite being involved in daily athletics. When asked kid will lie or refuse. Prefers lies to refusal.

Natural consequences. Kid can be hungry. Kid can have acne.

As for the schedule stuff it seems like you are too sensitive to him. So he complains that you decided to change weekend plans on Wednesday. Ignore. Alternatively he can just stay home if he doesn’t want to go - again natural consequences.

if HE is bringing up any of this stuff as causing him distress then sure, look into more ways to support him.

Ignore this poster, they have no idea how disability works.

sure I do. IF the child actually has a disability then the goal is to move towards functionality and independence and that includes natural consequences. There is no medication that makes a kid brush their teeth but there are behavioral methods that OP can access now regardless of any diagnosis. She’s describing an infective parenting style where she expects much but gives no support. People seem to believe there is some magic in labeling a kid as “neurodivergent” that actually produces some kind of tangible result. sorry no, does not work that way.

Nobody thinks that. But I do believe understanding how a kid's brain works helps parents and providers to better support them, and helps the kid understand themselves. Many neurodivergent people find that embracing their neurodivergence is extremely helpful and in some cases literally lifesaving. But I guess you think they are just that stupid because you are a POS.

Well, OP wasn’t being truthful about what is actually happening. And I stand by what I said. As a parent you have to do a lot more than just get your kid a label; and the label doesn’t actually do anything in and of itself. But it’s much easier to believe a fairytale that the kid will identify with being “neurodivergent” and somehow that solves everything; than doing the hard work of finding what works for you kid (and examining your own issues as a parent).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here have experience with suspecting a disability in high school?

Signs:
Food aversions (from a very young age)
Refusal to study
Struggles with social anxiety in certain situations
Avoidance of daily living tasks

The kid is obviously very bright so none of this came out until TJ is now pushing academic limits. Kid masks very very well. Appears very social, no problem making friends.

Where do you start with testing? Do I ask the school?

Perhaps transfer your kid back to their home school. Running people close to the upper bounds of their coping ability is a poor choice.

To succeed long term, people have to enjoy life, school, work enough to find meaning in going forward.

This may not be a question of what diagnosis your child may have. It may be about whether they are in the right environment to foster their growth.

Kid is actually doing fine academically, but the signs I mentioned are not improving despite attempting many at home techniques and hiring an executive coach. Sending back to the home school will allow the behaviors to continue.

Also adding that kid expressed that they would not be opposed to testing and also felt that ADHD might be an issue, but after recognizing kid was the only one in a big group to not eat a very popular food. It sort of dawned on me this behavior is pretty outside the norm.

“doesn’t like tacos” is not a DSM criteria for any disorder. Any DSM diagnosis is supposed to pose a significant clinical challenge in their life. What is the significant issue here?

Tacos is about the only thing the kid eats. There are 3 or so items the kid eats from specific brands and usually it's repeatedly for years on end. As a young child it was one kind of Mac and cheese for about 3 years. These days it's plain burgers. We can't go to random restaurants. Kid will not eat the food.

I have to give kid at least a weeks notice regarding schedule changes. Used to be a few days and expanded to a week after a recent incident that I took kid to a new activity with several days notice. Kid enjoyed activity but that was the new demand.

Kid will not brush teeth or face despite complaining about acne. Usually doesn't shower more than once a week despite being involved in daily athletics. When asked kid will lie or refuse. Prefers lies to refusal.

Natural consequences. Kid can be hungry. Kid can have acne.

As for the schedule stuff it seems like you are too sensitive to him. So he complains that you decided to change weekend plans on Wednesday. Ignore. Alternatively he can just stay home if he doesn’t want to go - again natural consequences.

if HE is bringing up any of this stuff as causing him distress then sure, look into more ways to support him.

Ignore this poster, they have no idea how disability works.

sure I do. IF the child actually has a disability then the goal is to move towards functionality and independence and that includes natural consequences. There is no medication that makes a kid brush their teeth but there are behavioral methods that OP can access now regardless of any diagnosis. She’s describing an infective parenting style where she expects much but gives no support. People seem to believe there is some magic in labeling a kid as “neurodivergent” that actually produces some kind of tangible result. sorry no, does not work that way.

Nobody thinks that. But I do believe understanding how a kid's brain works helps parents and providers to better support them, and helps the kid understand themselves. Many neurodivergent people find that embracing their neurodivergence is extremely helpful and in some cases literally lifesaving. But I guess you think they are just that stupid because you are a POS.

Well, OP wasn’t being truthful about what is actually happening. And I stand by what I said. As a parent you have to do a lot more than just get your kid a label; and the label doesn’t actually do anything in and of itself. But it’s much easier to believe a fairytale that the kid will identify with being “neurodivergent” and somehow that solves everything; than doing the hard work of finding what works for you kid (and examining your own issues as a parent).

You are tilting at windmills. Nobody believes what you say they believe. Nobody is spending thousands to get their kid assessed and then does nothing with that info except tell their kid they are "neurodivergent" (which is not a diagnosis)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what is TJ?

Thomas Jefferson high school for science and technology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS. this is your kid reacting to the stress of TJ. If he is able enough to get into TJ then there is no “hidden disability” that is the source of the issue. That said I’m positive you can get your kid an ADHD dx and put them on amphetamines to get through TJ.

There are lots of kids at TJ with disabilities. My kid has a medical disability and has a plan for it unrelated to these other issues.

Absolutely not true. 2e kids all over that school!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could he have OCD?

Two people on my side of the family have OCD, so yes its a possibility. As a non-professional, it's not easy for me to know if that's part of it. Kid has a weird thing with only drinking one kind of water (so beyond the food stuff there is a thing about not liking tap water and recently only one preferred brand of water). I don't know if again it's an aversion, fear of the unknown, fear of bacteria...I'm not able to get answers about certain behaviors like that.

I don't see repetitive behaviors other than being rigid about routines and schedules.

OCD is a form of anxiety. Autistic people have a lot of anxiety, and therefore OCD presents quite frequently in autistic people. All this is as clear as day, OP.

- living with two people with ADHD/autism/anxiety/OCD. It's all part of the same profile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS. this is your kid reacting to the stress of TJ. If he is able enough to get into TJ then there is no “hidden disability” that is the source of the issue. That said I’m positive you can get your kid an ADHD dx and put them on amphetamines to get through TJ.

There are lots of kids at TJ with disabilities. My kid has a medical disability and has a plan for it unrelated to these other issues.

Absolutely not true. 2e kids all over that school!

I don't have a kid at TJ. But I have a gifted AuADHD kid and know TJ's reputation...I would think there are quite a lot of high functioning AuADHDers there.

[Anonymous]

The year(s) my kid was in TJ there was 4 kids in her grade with a 504. This was published info on the FCPS website for that school. They publish it by percentage and you can calculate it from the 450 kids in the class. It was less than 1% so that’s what they put instead of an exact number.
And…….unfortunately there was a data breach where TJ actually sent a note to all the kids with a 504 and Cc-ed all of the parents.

However, I don’t know what they do now. Kid came in on the old school way, as opposed to the way now where each school gets a certain percentage of kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m the above poster and my kid had a 504 for a physical disability as well.

There probably are kids with ADHD/Autism but I’m not sure how many are granted a 504. TJHSST teachers were nice about accommodating but, a few teaching post-AP classes were not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could he have OCD?

Two people on my side of the family have OCD, so yes its a possibility. As a non-professional, it's not easy for me to know if that's part of it. Kid has a weird thing with only drinking one kind of water (so beyond the food stuff there is a thing about not liking tap water and recently only one preferred brand of water). I don't know if again it's an aversion, fear of the unknown, fear of bacteria...I'm not able to get answers about certain behaviors like that.

I don't see repetitive behaviors other than being rigid about routines and schedules.

OCD is a form of anxiety. Autistic people have a lot of anxiety, and therefore OCD presents quite frequently in autistic people. All this is as clear as day, OP.

- living with two people with ADHD/autism/anxiety/OCD. It's all part of the same profile.

OCD is definitely not the same as anxiety and it is not on a spectrum with autism. This is not a helpful framework. Agree that OP should get her child assessed if she thinks OCD may be in play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these responders really have no idea what they are talking about.

Sounds like your child is headed towards neurodivergent burnout, OP. Consequences and behavior modification can make this worse.

OP hasn’t even tried behavioral modification and the kid is probably too old for it anyway.