S/o meeting the ex-wife: what are the girlfriends thinking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone in the thread mentioned that for a single women with no kids, there’s many better options than marrying a man with young kids and an ex wife. That thread suggests there may be a lot of drama and even when no drama you’ll always be second to your boyfriends children.

Yet many women will want to do this and in fact do it. Why? What are they thinking is the appeal in this situation?

Lack of self esteem? Not feeling they have any options? Being love bombed?

Too many men with kids are just looking for a replacement nanny, not a partner. Too many men are actual awful parents. If he’s a good dad, he isn’t introducing parades of women to his kids. Honestly if he’s a good dad he shouldn’t even have much time to date, because he’s clearly not prioritizing his children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone in the thread mentioned that for a single women with no kids, there’s many better options than marrying a man with young kids and an ex wife. That thread suggests there may be a lot of drama and even when no drama you’ll always be second to your boyfriends children.

Yet many women will want to do this and in fact do it. Why? What are they thinking is the appeal in this situation?

So, most of these single women missed their windows to get married and start families themselves and now find themselves in their 30s and all the men are either:

-- Losers living in their parents' basement;
-- Players and disease-ridden commitment phobes;
-- Married

The DESIRABLE men available to them are either:

-- Younger and would absolutely take a roll in the hay with a cougar, but they're not gonna put a ring on it;
-- Divorced, many with kids.

These are not typical hot young women in their 20s who find themselves in these situations -- yes, they have plenty of options. But by the time you're in your 30s and female and you know your eggs are drying up by the second, you discover the script is flipped. There really aren't any "good men" in your age group left, because they were already snatched up by other women a decade or so before. That leaves either chasing after aging players or men with baggage. And usually, they're the ones with options now.

I'm surprised you needed this explained to you.

It’s actually a chicken-egg dilemma: most rich men in their 40s and 50s have kids. I know plenty of very attractive women in their early and mid 30s who are willing to chase after divorced dads with kids IF (1) they are rich & provide the lifestyle and (2) they are willing to have a baby with Younger Wife #2.

It’s really more about the lifestyle than anything else. These ladies want a Provider and they are willing to tolerate the kids. You don’t see female surgeons in their 30s putting up with divorced dads with kids. It’s always the young, pretty school teacher or interior decorator or artist/pilates instructor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone in the thread mentioned that for a single women with no kids, there’s many better options than marrying a man with young kids and an ex wife. That thread suggests there may be a lot of drama and even when no drama you’ll always be second to your boyfriends children.

Yet many women will want to do this and in fact do it. Why? What are they thinking is the appeal in this situation?

Lack of self esteem? Not feeling they have any options? Being love bombed?

Too many men with kids are just looking for a replacement nanny, not a partner. Too many men are actual awful parents. If he’s a good dad, he isn’t introducing parades of women to his kids. Honestly if he’s a good dad he shouldn’t even have much time to date, because he’s clearly not prioritizing his children.

No they aren’t. Should we say women are looking for extra paychecks. A good dad can date, just like a mom can. Why is it ok for the mom but not dad?

[Anonymous]

He is older and has money. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is older and has money. Duh.

It’s really just the money that matters. All these ladies would prefer a guy with money their own age and no baggage, but settle for an older guy with money, kids, and maybe a bitter XW. They willingly forgo single men with no baggage their own age who don’t have money.

When you chase a lifestyle, you will earn every dollar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone in the thread mentioned that for a single women with no kids, there’s many better options than marrying a man with young kids and an ex wife. That thread suggests there may be a lot of drama and even when no drama you’ll always be second to your boyfriends children.

Yet many women will want to do this and in fact do it. Why? What are they thinking is the appeal in this situation?

So, most of these single women missed their windows to get married and start families themselves and now find themselves in their 30s and all the men are either:

-- Losers living in their parents' basement;
-- Players and disease-ridden commitment phobes;
-- Married

The DESIRABLE men available to them are either:

-- Younger and would absolutely take a roll in the hay with a cougar, but they're not gonna put a ring on it;
-- Divorced, many with kids.

These are not typical hot young women in their 20s who find themselves in these situations -- yes, they have plenty of options. But by the time you're in your 30s and female and you know your eggs are drying up by the second, you discover the script is flipped. There really aren't any "good men" in your age group left, because they were already snatched up by other women a decade or so before. That leaves either chasing after aging players or men with baggage. And usually, they're the ones with options now.

I'm surprised you needed this explained to you.

It’s actually a chicken-egg dilemma: most rich men in their 40s and 50s have kids. I know plenty of very attractive women in their early and mid 30s who are willing to chase after divorced dads with kids IF (1) they are rich & provide the lifestyle and (2) they are willing to have a baby with Younger Wife #2.

It’s really more about the lifestyle than anything else. These ladies want a Provider and they are willing to tolerate the kids. You don’t see female surgeons in their 30s putting up with divorced dads with kids. It’s always the young, pretty school teacher or interior decorator or artist/pilates instructor.

Sometimes it's the surgeon. Successful women prefer a successful man with baggage over an unsuccessful man with no baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone in the thread mentioned that for a single women with no kids, there’s many better options than marrying a man with young kids and an ex wife. That thread suggests there may be a lot of drama and even when no drama you’ll always be second to your boyfriends children.

Yet many women will want to do this and in fact do it. Why? What are they thinking is the appeal in this situation?

I don't think they are “thinking”. They are often naive and assume life will be easier if they date/marry an established family man, and they don't understand the trade-offs. Go onto any number of reddit threads discussing second spouse / stepparent issues and you'll learn that 95% of them are miserable.

Oh my gosh. I took a look and you are right. I mean I assume the threads will skew venting because it’s the internet but I can’t imagine having “the worst experience I’ve ever had” be my daily life (or at least 50 percent of my daily life).

And to top it off I can’t imagine having to live through that AND be married to my ex.

[Anonymous]

I am a second wife though he didn’t have kids. I remember telling my mom when I met him “he’s great but I would never marry him because he’s divorced.” It was great. Took all of the pressure off the relationship and we had so much fun together!
I remember being in grad school and telling my girlfriends “all the good ones are taken. I am just going to wait until they reshuffle the deck and get one then.” Worked out fine!

[Anonymous]

PP it is totally different when he is divorced without kids. Night and day. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP it is totally different when he is divorced without kids. Night and day. BTDT.

Yes exactly. The two are entirely different species.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a second wife though he didn’t have kids. I remember telling my mom when I met him “he’s great but I would never marry him because he’s divorced.” It was great. Took all of the pressure off the relationship and we had so much fun together!
I remember being in grad school and telling my girlfriends “all the good ones are taken. I am just going to wait until they reshuffle the deck and get one then.” Worked out fine!

lol at comparing a starter marriage with a divorced dude with kids in his 40s.

Not the same thing at all, you sweet summer child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone in the thread mentioned that for a single women with no kids, there’s many better options than marrying a man with young kids and an ex wife. That thread suggests there may be a lot of drama and even when no drama you’ll always be second to your boyfriends children.

Yet many women will want to do this and in fact do it. Why? What are they thinking is the appeal in this situation?

So, most of these single women missed their windows to get married and start families themselves and now find themselves in their 30s and all the men are either:

-- Losers living in their parents' basement;
-- Players and disease-ridden commitment phobes;
-- Married

The DESIRABLE men available to them are either:

-- Younger and would absolutely take a roll in the hay with a cougar, but they're not gonna put a ring on it;
-- Divorced, many with kids.

These are not typical hot young women in their 20s who find themselves in these situations -- yes, they have plenty of options. But by the time you're in your 30s and female and you know your eggs are drying up by the second, you discover the script is flipped. There really aren't any "good men" in your age group left, because they were already snatched up by other women a decade or so before. That leaves either chasing after aging players or men with baggage. And usually, they're the ones with options now.

I'm surprised you needed this explained to you.

It’s actually a chicken-egg dilemma: most rich men in their 40s and 50s have kids. I know plenty of very attractive women in their early and mid 30s who are willing to chase after divorced dads with kids IF (1) they are rich & provide the lifestyle and (2) they are willing to have a baby with Younger Wife #2.

It’s really more about the lifestyle than anything else. These ladies want a Provider and they are willing to tolerate the kids. You don’t see female surgeons in their 30s putting up with divorced dads with kids. It’s always the young, pretty school teacher or interior decorator or artist/pilates instructor.

Sometimes it's the surgeon. Successful women prefer a successful man with baggage over an unsuccessful man with no baggage.

Money talks!

[Anonymous]

I opened this expecting a thread about what girlfriends thought about the ex wife when they first met. I wish this was that thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I opened this expecting a thread about what girlfriends thought about the ex wife when they first met. I wish this was that thread!

Feel free to to start a spin off of the spin off.

[Anonymous]

I am the ex-wife, and although my exH presents well - he’s handsome, smart, and charming - he’s got serious mental problems and addiction issues. I have no regrets about ending the marriage. His new girlfriend has no kids and is our age (late 30s) so I’m just waiting to see how he ruins this relationship with his selfishness and insanity. They’re long-distance which staves off that inevitability to an extent, but it will come.