Why do we tolerate trash talking and elitism as "boys will be boys" behavior?

[Anonymous]

Just let your kids know, and this is true, the real talent, the future college players and pro sports athletes are not “trash” talking. They are not bullies. It’s the middling kids. It’s the ones who are capable of playing the sport but will never be a stand out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that my boys are getting older and we are carpooling frequently and spending weekends at various games, I am a bit disturbed by how bad the trash talking culture is with kids this young.
When the dehumanization of another child is fueled by fierce competitiveness, why do we let it slide? The message our kids take in is that “in order for me to succeed, I need to make that other kid smaller. That’s the only way I’ll get bigger. Better. Be the best.” If a child is competing against other teams, and even his own teammates, why must he diminish them in order to enlarge himself? The attitude I get from most parents of boys is they want their kid to engage so he's not a target or bullied himself and it's just a right of passage but I wonder why? Shouldn't we as parents be encouraging less toxic behaviors?

Who says it is toxic? Seriously.

[Anonymous]

I have a 4th grade boy. My kid does quite a bit of this. It's horrible. I hate it. I've tried everything. He tells me that all the boys do it and that it's funny and no one takes it seriously. The saddest thing is in the carpool some of the kids will be like "I stopped playing baseball because I'm trash at it, ha ha!" I don't know what else to do at this point, it's just baked into the culture.

I've repeatedly tried to talk to my son when I see more eggregious examples of this, but he just stomps off. I'm not sure punishing him would be helpful. Hopefully they grow out of it?

[Anonymous]

Because boys WILL be boys. And girls WILL be girls. The meme gets it right.
Two boys talking:
Boy 1: "Fake insult"
Boy 2: "Fake insult"

Two girls talking:
Girl 1: "Fake compliment"
Girl 2: "Fake compliment"

I'll hang with the boys any day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let your kids know, and this is true, the real talent, the future college players and pro sports athletes are not “trash” talking. They are not bullies. It’s the middling kids. It’s the ones who are capable of playing the sport but will never be a stand out.

You wish this were true. Lots of pro athletes are notorious trash talkers. Yah, I get it, we all liked Barry Sanders's style of being understated and handing the ball to the ref, but that's not everybody.

[Anonymous]

My son does this, and I hate it so much. Whenever I hear him trash a friend or teammate, I shut it down, even if it is in front of his peers. DH does the same. We have zero tolerance in our home and cars for negative talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let your kids know, and this is true, the real talent, the future college players and pro sports athletes are not “trash” talking. They are not bullies. It’s the middling kids. It’s the ones who are capable of playing the sport but will never be a stand out.

You wish this were true. Lots of pro athletes are notorious trash talkers. Yah, I get it, we all liked Barry Sanders's style of being understated and handing the ball to the ref, but that's not everybody.

Good point. My kid is always like "but so and so NFL player said X and then did Y!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because boys WILL be boys. And girls WILL be girls. The meme gets it right.
Two boys talking:
Boy 1: "Fake insult"
Boy 2: "Fake insult"

Two girls talking:
Girl 1: "Fake compliment"
Girl 2: "Fake compliment"

I'll hang with the boys any day.

Girls give real compliments. Boys give real insults. Horrible cruel insults just like girls sometimes do.

Don’t make excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let your kids know, and this is true, the real talent, the future college players and pro sports athletes are not “trash” talking. They are not bullies. It’s the middling kids. It’s the ones who are capable of playing the sport but will never be a stand out.

You wish this were true. Lots of pro athletes are notorious trash talkers. Yah, I get it, we all liked Barry Sanders's style of being understated and handing the ball to the ref, but that's not everybody.

Good point. My kid is always like "but so and so NFL player said X and then did Y!"

Tell your kid he’s not an adult pro athlete.

The future pro athletes were not bullying kids who weren’t as good as them. Most were 100% focused on their own training. I don’t think some of your kids are involved in good natured ribbing. There’s a line they have to learn not to cross.

The pro athletes are all relatively equal in their field and some are just big mouths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let your kids know, and this is true, the real talent, the future college players and pro sports athletes are not “trash” talking. They are not bullies. It’s the middling kids. It’s the ones who are capable of playing the sport but will never be a stand out.

You wish this were true. Lots of pro athletes are notorious trash talkers. Yah, I get it, we all liked Barry Sanders's style of being understated and handing the ball to the ref, but that's not everybody.

Good point. My kid is always like "but so and so NFL player said X and then did Y!"

Tell your kid he’s not an adult pro athlete.

The future pro athletes were not bullying kids who weren’t as good as them. Most were 100% focused on their own training. I don’t think some of your kids are involved in good natured ribbing. There’s a line they have to learn not to cross.

The pro athletes are all relatively equal in their field and some are just big mouths.

This is so out of touch with reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys bond this way.

Yup!

It sucks for the ones they bully and leave out. They don't have bonds

My point is that they bully and roast each other to bond with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If only we had good role models for the boys to look up to.

Exactly. How much effort are the grown up males doing to model and correct?

[Anonymous]

The real problem is these horrible boy-moms.

They are the worst human beings on the planet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let your kids know, and this is true, the real talent, the future college players and pro sports athletes are not “trash” talking. They are not bullies. It’s the middling kids. It’s the ones who are capable of playing the sport but will never be a stand out.

You wish this were true. Lots of pro athletes are notorious trash talkers. Yah, I get it, we all liked Barry Sanders's style of being understated and handing the ball to the ref, but that's not everybody.

Good point. My kid is always like "but so and so NFL player said X and then did Y!"

Tell your kid he’s not an adult pro athlete.

The future pro athletes were not bullying kids who weren’t as good as them. Most were 100% focused on their own training. I don’t think some of your kids are involved in good natured ribbing. There’s a line they have to learn not to cross.

The pro athletes are all relatively equal in their field and some are just big mouths.

This is so out of touch with reality.

My personal experience from my day with college and pro athletes and my kids and nieces and nieces who currently play. The mediocre kids are the worst when it comes to cutting other kids down.

What is your “reality”?

[Anonymous]

It gets much worse, not better, in middle school. By high school, most of these rec players won’t be on the school teams and the athletes would not go around trash talking the kids not on the team.

I have two boys. One kid is quiet and zero trash talking. Second has friends who constantly rank one another. They are also very supportive and cheer one another on.

This trash talking in sports is nothing new.