JV team drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty amazed to see so many adults assume op's dd did something wrong, rather than the coach simply favoring some kids over others.

Then why did he even put her on the team just last month?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty amazed to see so many adults assume op's dd did something wrong, rather than the coach simply favoring some kids over others.

I've had a kid be in a coach's out-group, and both were true. The coach was a favorite playing jerk AND my DD did not present well at practice.

Though it was kind of amazing that with a new coach DD's demeanor as a player made a 180 and all of a sudden it was much easier for her to earn the playing time she didn't get before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty amazed to see so many adults assume op's dd did something wrong, rather than the coach simply favoring some kids over others.

Then why did he even put her on the team just last month?

Not sure about op's school but at ours anyone can be part of JV. You may not get to play much, but you can join.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty amazed to see so many adults assume op's dd did something wrong, rather than the coach simply favoring some kids over others.

It can be both.

1000% yes, favoritism happens. NOT even a question. I could vent all day long about exasperating things I have seen.

But this scenario is particularly odd- favoritism or no. The extra player isn’t even getting token playing time in blowouts? It screams some type of behavioral or social issue (even if that issue is a misunderstanding or misinterpretation on the coach’s part).

[Anonymous]

Even the most hard nosed competitive jerk of a coach is not typically going to sit the only extra player 100% of the time even in blowouts. Not when carrying a roster of 10. It pretty much has to be one of these issues, in order of most likely to least:

1) real or perceived serious behavioral issues (attendance, hustle, attitude etc)
2) someone has been talking serious sh!t about your DD
3) coach truly feels your DD is a genuine safety hazard to herself- but even these are usually safe in the OF

Probably #1, even if the issue is only one of perception. She definitely needs to talk to the coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty amazed to see so many adults assume op's dd did something wrong, rather than the coach simply favoring some kids over others.

Then why did he even put her on the team just last month?

Our team has a girl who literally can’t run. When she “runs” she looks like a 70 year old limping while power walking. So no one wants to be behind her on the bases and she definitely can’t steal. Opposing teams identify this immediately and pick her off like a sniper.

And she plays more than kids who are definitely better than she is.

Why does she get preferential treatment? Who the hell knows.

My point - Coaches are often not logical or merit-driven, despite assertions to the contrary. Often the coach is whichever rando volunteers.

[Anonymous]

I was in this situation playing my second year of JV softball with a first year coach. I finally asked the coach what I could do to get playing time. He said “do better in the games.” Except I was never in games. It was such a mindf—-! I think I was subbed into maybe 1 inning twice that season, and the pressure to show what I could do was overwhelming but I did fine, but not amazing and wasn’t getting home runs or anything.

I switched to a different spring sport the next year. It took until my second professional job when I encountered a boss similar to that coach to realize that nothing I did was ever going to please either or them, and sometimes coaches and bosses just dislike someone for no reason. Contorting yourself to try to win their favor is impossible and soul-crushing. In hindsight, both were cut from a similar mold: semi-failed beta men in the direct shadow of more successful women leaders (varsity coach, big boss) who took their frustrations out by randomly creating out-groups and using the tiny bit of power they had to exercise their dislike of people.

As someone who absolutely loved softball and was devoted to it for 10 years, my advice is to find another sport. I say that with a lot of heartbreak and empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think something strange is going on for sure (given they only have one extra player and the games have been very lopsided scores)

The only times I’ve seen coaches be this brutal about playing time, it has always been a behavioral issue of some sort.

+1

Especially since this season pretty much just started and he obviously was the one that chose her for the team.

We live somewhere where softball is huge, For our team, the varsity coach chooses both teams to have control of who might get called up. Only the freshman coach creates their own team from the girls who don’t make JV or varsity freshman year. So if it’s a similar situation, the JV coach might be pouting because he didn’t pick his team, isn’t the varsity coach, etc. It’s surprising that grown men can be petty babies, but it shouldn’t be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No writing. She needs to schedule in person 1:1 time and ask, “What can I do to improve?”

lol a bench player at this point will only get in the game with a new coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty amazed to see so many adults assume op's dd did something wrong, rather than the coach simply favoring some kids over others.

Then why did he even put her on the team just last month?

Our team has a girl who literally can’t run. When she “runs” she looks like a 70 year old limping while power walking. So no one wants to be behind her on the bases and she definitely can’t steal. Opposing teams identify this immediately and pick her off like a sniper.

And she plays more than kids who are definitely better than she is.

Why does she get preferential treatment? Who the hell knows.

My point - Coaches are often not logical or merit-driven, despite assertions to the contrary. Often the coach is whichever rando volunteers.

LOL

My DS has had a kid like this on his travel team for 4 years now. If you saw him run, you would assume he has a sprained ankle or something. He runs with a limp. And is an average player at best, skillwise. He is a taller kid so I think they thought that could be reason for the awkwardness but puberty has come and gone and still he runs like a granny with a sprained ankle LOL. And many others are now tall also so it isn’t a size thing. It is a mystery.

But he always plays and always starts. Very nice kid.

IME there is always a kid or two like this on any team- total head scratchers. Who knows what the coach is thinking….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No writing. She needs to schedule in person 1:1 time and ask, “What can I do to improve?”

lol a bench player at this point will only get in the game with a new coach.

You’d be correct in a lot of scenarios but this one seems very weird. With a roster of 10? I genuinely think something else is going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think something strange is going on for sure (given they only have one extra player and the games have been very lopsided scores)

The only times I’ve seen coaches be this brutal about playing time, it has always been a behavioral issue of some sort.

+1

Especially since this season pretty much just started and he obviously was the one that chose her for the team.

Agree it is odd and crappy given the specifics--but in terms of choosing her, OP said they basically begged people to try out. I am guessing maybe there were no cuts?

OP, does she play softball outside of school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty amazed to see so many adults assume op's dd did something wrong, rather than the coach simply favoring some kids over others.

Then why did he even put her on the team just last month?

In case of illness or injury of another player. But on a losing team there is no excuse for this kid not to play. Unless my DD was passionate about softball I would let her quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP one thing I would pay attention to is basically what, if the coach were a parent, would be called mom/dad ball. People say paid coaches don't do it, but they absolutely can. It's not just about one kid. It's a favored in group. Those kids can make more errors, strike out more often, hustle less, whatever, because the coach just likes them. Maybe she clicks with their personalities. Maybe they're the most helpful. Maybe their moms run the boosters or teach at the school or something. Whatever it is, there's a connection between the coach and some of the kids. Meanwhile everyone else gets a tight leash on playing mistakes and somehow can never quite be good enough.

I don't even think that kind of behavior is usually intentional, but I've met plenty of softball coaches who do it. I've also met plenty who don't.

Maybe you've already addressed this, but does your DD control the controllables at practice? Does she hustle (this is a serious sticking point for a lot of softball coaches)? Is she attentive? Does she make the most of every opportunity? When she's in the dugout is she cheering on the team, paying attention to the game and sharing what she sees if anything?

+1 It's a toxic environment. Some coaches are just crappy people and they like the mean girl/boy cliques. These parents are jerks and create their own tight group which gives them power. The kids all support their friends getting the positions regardless of skill. Other kids who are better players get screwed. I've seen it and there's nothing you can do about it. The coach will become angry if you bring it up because they know they're not behaving appropriately.

OP, your DD needs to leave the team. This is a mind f*ck situation. If there's no other softball team to join, then she needs to find a new sport. I'm really sorry. We're going through that now with our HS DD and we waited too late. I wish we left when the masses did.

[Anonymous]

Some coaches form premature opinions about players that be very difficult to change. The player can't get any playing time to improve. When the player does get playing time they are put back on the bench for any perceived mistake. A player can never develop in that kind of environment.