Anyone else experience regret after a vasectomy?
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Anonymous
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In case it helps you feel better, op, my only child is now a teenager. They wanted a sibling from around ages 4-7 but since then have repeatedly told me how glad they are to be an only. Literally it comes up fairly frequently. They spend time with friends and are so happy to come home to peace.
Do I ever grieve the family size I thought I'd have? Yes, especially when I was around your stage. I really wanted to have a birth and a newborn I understood better rather than a traumatic medical experience. Would I have gotten that? No way to tell. A couple things that have helped are taking time to grieve. It's okay to be sad for a little. Then finding other families with only children, particularly in the elementary school years. By middle school the kids find their own paths, but it was helpful to have many years with others in the same boat, including long days together where the kids could practice disagreeing and sharing. After being the host on some of those days, I was ready to be back to my only as well. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like you always wanted another baby, but you were scared about the medical side of it. If that’s the case I would push through. I had hard pregnancies and it stopped me from having one more baby, and I always wish I had just pushed through. If you were unsure about wanting another child, it would make more sense, but just being traumatized from a pregnancy isn’t reason enough for me to think that you shouldn’t do it again. There are definitely ways to get pregnant, even with the vasectomy, so if you still want a baby, it’s a possibility for sure.. good luck! |
Anonymous
| I totally get your perspective. My first was a really rough baby and kid. He's still rough now as a teenager. My kids are 9 and 15 years apart. My other two kids are much more chill. |
Anonymous
| They're so easy to undo, I don't understand why you wouldn't just have reversal. |
Anonymous
Might want to look into that. Always heard they are difficult to undo and still work properly. I cannot imagine any man or woman voluntarily doing something like that. I wouldn't be with a man who even thought about doing that, as it would say more about his character, or lack thereof, than anything else. |
Anonymous
They are NOT easy to undo. And there is no reason to undo it for pregnancy when you can just have TESE done on him, and just do IUI or IVF. |
Anonymous
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No, but we had already had three babies. We decided to wait until our 3rd was a few years to make sure we were definitely done.
I would have had that regret if I had had only 1. |
Anonymous
| not.at.all. |
Anonymous
| Yes- I understand. Not sure I would describe as regret but definitely a very sad decision that I still feel unsettled about. I almost died in childbirth with my second and my husband was very traumatized by facing the possibility of being a single dad of a newborn and 2.5 year old. He felt 100% certain that he did not want anymore children after that. I would have liked to explore options further. 8 years later, we are both in our 40s and things feel pretty finalized. We considered adoption and looked into that process but life events (death of a parent, loss of a job, child needing an IEP, etc) we just kept feeling like the timing wasn’t right. I’m pretty sad that we won’t have a 3rd. I don’t necessarily blame my husband but I was not totally on board with his choice. |
Anonymous
| I've thought about it but part of the fun is watching my wife turn into one of the bullet dodging agents from the matrix everytime I'm about to finish |
Anonymous
This. And the ONLY reason to try to undo a vasectomy vs TESE is if you absolutely insist insemination occur through PIV. |