Pausing career to SAHM for a bit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI, if they’re little when you SAHM, your kids won’t remember a thing. And even if they’re old enough to remember, they won’t care that you SAHM for them. So this has to be something that you yourself find value in doing, because no one else will care about you staying home or about any sacrifices you make financially and career-wise to do so.

That’s definitely not universally true. My kids have told me that they love that I’m a SAHM. On the flip side I also know of kids who wish that their parents were around more.

And I had a mother who was the first partner in her firm. Her kids and grandkids are very close with her and immensely proud that she was able to have such a successful professional career while being a wonderful mother. Some women are capable of more than homemaking, you don’t need to guilt trip them that someday their children will wish they were around more.

And so it begins...

You’re cool with pages of people saying it’s better to be a SAHM but one person’s personal experience with a professional mom is not ok?

No. Weird take.

[Anonymous]

My FIL had multiple post grad degrees and SAHM MIL only had an undergraduate degree yet all of their kids think their mom was the smarter one and they are where they are today mostly because of her.

[Anonymous]

What matters most is if you are a motherly and caring person or not. If you aren't, there is no benefit in your staying home for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on your reason. Nothing kills your career more than keeping a job you hate where you are struggling to succeed due to juggling the household and kids at the same time. Leaving it and staying home with kids and then returning back with a new outlook is better for your career. Sometimes taking a break to leave toxic situation produces more rewards long term than keeping yourself in a rat race that's killing your drive and making you hate life.

No, it really isn’t. It’s much much easier to find a job when you already have one.

The job market doesn’t treat unemployed candidates well, especially if they’ve even out of the workforce for years.

+1

I don’t regret staying home with my kids, but I am having a hell of a time even getting an interview thus far in my efforts to re-enter the workforce. It’s extremely demoralizing, so just be prepared for that possibility if you do take a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You won't regret it.

Your kids are the most amazing thing you will ever create.

Trust me, that once they are teens and young adults leaving home, you will look back not regret one moment you put them first.

I have never met a mom who looked at her adult children and wished that she had spent more time at her job and less time with her kids.

If you are able to tighten the family budget to spend a few precious years with them while they are young, either as a full time stay at home mom, or through a part time or flexible gig job, do it. It might be hard in the moment, but you won't regret it looking backwards.

Eh. So I’m planning to transition to being a SAHM for a bit but do absolutely know someone who probably wishes she had spent more time at work. Her eldest son is truly a horrible person (and I’ve known him since he was a child and it’s just his innate character). She was second in her class in high school and phi beta kappa in a stem field in college and gave it all up to be at home for him and it really was not worth it.

Although maybe she doesn’t regret it because her younger son was very successful and a wonderful person (who unfortunately passed away).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't regret it.

Your kids are the most amazing thing you will ever create.

Trust me, that once they are teens and young adults leaving home, you will look back not regret one moment you put them first.

I have never met a mom who looked at her adult children and wished that she had spent more time at her job and less time with her kids.

If you are able to tighten the family budget to spend a few precious years with them while they are young, either as a full time stay at home mom, or through a part time or flexible gig job, do it. It might be hard in the moment, but you won't regret it looking backwards.

Eh. So I’m planning to transition to being a SAHM for a bit but do absolutely know someone who probably wishes she had spent more time at work. Her eldest son is truly a horrible person (and I’ve known him since he was a child and it’s just his innate character). She was second in her class in high school and phi beta kappa in a stem field in college and gave it all up to be at home for him and it really was not worth it.

Although maybe she doesn’t regret it because her younger son was very successful and a wonderful person (who unfortunately passed away).

Sounds like the older son needs some grief counseling

[Anonymous]

I think it really depends on your personality, as much as anything else.

I wish I could work 20-30 hours per week. That would allow me to parent in the way I want to, and still have outside things.

I like the "mom" part of things (being a room parent, being there for all the parent events at both kids' schools, making homemade baked goods, homemade ridiculous halloween costumes, knowing the teachers and other parents, knowing all the other kids, being active in their preferred after school activities) but not so much the "maintenance of things" aspect of being a SAHM (household maintenance, car stuff, cleaning the house).

I also think I'd resent my husband after a while for "getting" to go outside the house and do cool science while I was feeling stuck at home dealing with boring household tasks.

I also am an MD, PhD and dual board certified and worked for a very long time to get where I'm at professionally, so I think there's some sunk cost thing going on too.

If we were sufficiently wealthy that me working didn't make a dent in our budget (we are so not even close to that) AND I could still outsource everything to a very competent household manager, I'd probably want to be a SAHM. Instead, I'm trying to work 30-ish hours a week, outsource the boring jobs that get turfed to SAHM and be as present as I can for my kids.

Also, I thought by age 5 my kids would need me less, but as my kids get older I'm realizing I'm not sure when they will need me less. 5 is a different kind of need, but my kindergartener loves me being present at school etc.

[Anonymous]

My short break has now lasted nine years! It’s really hard to get back into it and Covid Put a damper on returning for sure but then also you feel like you’ve been out of the industry for too long, etc. JMI

[Anonymous]

I was fortunately able to step down to part-time work for a decade instead of SAHM. Is that a possibility in your field?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really depends A LOT on what industry you are in.

This. And for many jobs there is no guarantees one will ever be able to go back to original field.

I’m in one of those fields. I was very lucky to maneuver to a PT position (it was a challenge to work out) and I think I’m happy how it’s gone. If I could have worked even fewer hours when my kids were small that would have been even better.

I am a big proponent of people working PT or on a consulting basis if it works for their family. There’s no magic to being home every minute but FT work plus commute is a lot of hours, and doesn’t always work great for both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was it worth it? regrets? Did you have a fairly easy time getting back into a job in the area?

Thank you!

I took eight years off. It was really tough to get back into my field (UI design). I went back to work 15 years ago, so it may be easier now. Honestly I wouldn’t do it again. I’m not advocating for anyone not to take off, just admitting that it was really hard to get back into my field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've no regret at all, it worked wonders for whole family's mental health. Only issue is that society stops seeing your worth so if that matters to you, reconsider. If not and you feel secure in your marriage and finances, go for it.

+1

[Anonymous]

I am quitting to be a SAHM but I’m also planning to go back to school to enter a new field when I return to work.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the person. i am retired now, but worked for more than eighteen years and had kids late. I don't regret it. DH worked incredibly long hours and loved his work. I enjoyed staying home. Some people need to be outside the house. Neither is right or wrong.

If you can afford it and want to stay home, do it. If you'd rather be working, do that.
One size does not fit all.

[Anonymous]

I SAH for five years, then tried to go back. It wasn’t for our family, so I transitioned to part time work. I miss working more because I love my job, but my kid has multiple special needs. Even though he’s doing “better”, it’s only because I’m constantly doing lots of therapies. If I hadn’t put the time in, he wouldn’t be doing well at all. I hope to ramp up my hours in a couple years, but of course now the other child is struggling. Some days, it makes me feel like my face is melting off, but I imagine that if you’re not parenting special needs children, it would be easier and more fun. Even if I never go back fully, I don’t regret taking the time off. My DH has good character, and I put our relationship even before our kids. We’ve both had years of therapy and are from an emotionally healthy place.