Disappointed that it’s a boy

[Anonymous]

Girls are great but the tween-teen years are brutal. The friend drama, anxiety, and attitude have been challenging for me. I don’t have boys so I don’t have a comparison but I just hope this gets better as she matures.

[Anonymous]

My boy is nothing like OP generalized. As if all people are different.

[Anonymous]

This is why I didn't find out the sex. I knew I'd love whatever came but figured I'd be disappointed somehow while waiting for the arrival (probably either way tbh lol!).

[Anonymous]

It’s a normal feeling.

I remember getting a message after my 2nd was born “awe, no girl for you” . I mean think it, but don’t send that message.

I feel like possibly middle & definitely high school is where I the absence of sons hanging around me was most felt.

[Anonymous]

I’ve got 2 rowdy, energetic, very stereotypical “boy” energy boys and one sweet, sensitive boy who is more the quiet rule following type; loves pink, sparkles, rainbows and mermaids.

You never know what type of kid you will get but gender only plays a small part in who they are as little human beings.

Also, lots of people have gender preferences even though voicing that is now kind of taboo and not seen as progressive. You are going to love this kid so much and wonder why you thought it mattered but give yourself grace as you work through feeling disappointed

[Anonymous]

I never felt that way about my 2nd boy!
Op, you were expecting or wishing for a girl!
It's normal to feel disappointed.

[Anonymous]

My parents had a boy then wanted a girl. My older brother was a quiet, well behaved introverted kid who was into computers and sports.

Then they had me. My mother was so happy about getting her girl!! Unfortunately I let them down from pretty much day 1. I was an ADHD tomboy. Always in trouble. Hated anything girly and was loud, hyperactive, rough and difficult.

Then they had my sister and she was the dream girl. Liked pink and bows in her hair and playing with dolls and was the perfect little girl. She was also sweet and well behaved! At least they eventually go the girl they wanted!

Having traditional gender norm stereotypes is great if you get that child. Not so great when you get a child who doesn’t fit all the stereotypes and traditions norms.

[Anonymous]

I have a handful of boys, so I understand the feeling of not having a girl.

But I can report that having boys creates a special dynamic among brothers that just isn’t the same between a brother and sister (which I’ve observed closely in my family and closest friends).

You’ll see, op.

[Anonymous]

It will be wonderful once he is here, OP. I can relate to your feelings as a mom of 3 boys, but it will be awesome. I desperately wanted a girl too, but having 3 boys has been such a fun ride so far. I’m 14 years in, and loving it. My 3 have an incredible bond with each other, but also with me. They can be loud, messy and smelly, but also sweet and thoughtful. They open up to me when they are sad or feeling stuck about stuff, and still love to snuggle. I grew up in a girl dominant family and was terrified of having a son ,but I’ve been shocked at how wonderful raising boys has been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. Mom of boys. All the moms of multiple boys in my baby playgroup felt the same when pregnant with a second boy. But as I’m sure you realize, and will realize more once you actually have your child, all boys are not alike. My first boy has a lot of typically boyish traits that can be hard to live with. My second boy is completely different. He is a total joy.( My first is s joy too but a more challenging kind of joy).

Also, I’ll just repeat something my OB told me, which didn’t console me at the time but which now seems true: that little boys are often harder to handle than little girls, but teen boys tend to be a lot easier. No guarantees of course but I do feel having teens now that our life is easier in certain ways than that if some families with girls. Probably doesn’t help you but I do get it now.

You’re going to be fine!

All this!

I have 4 boys and no girls. I felt similar sadness with my 2nd and 3rd - while excited for a boy, I was sad for missing out on having a daughter. Before trying for the 4th, I did some soul searching to make sure I wasn’t just trying for a girl. When testing confirmed he was a boy, I was actually relieved.

It’s okay to feel this way. It will get better and if it doesn’t, go talk to someone to work through it. Things that helped me:
Brothers have a special bond. They’re adorable together (when they’re not fighting, of course).
I already had all the boy stuff and know what to do with boys.
I get to raise awesome boys who will be wonderful spouses for their wives.
I’m the only female in the house so I get the final vote on everything and get treated like a queen.
Boys generally love their moms and while they are tougher (louder) when they’re young, they’re generally easier as teenagers. My 17 year old DS has been mostly lovely as a teenager with minimal moodiness.

Your house may be loud but hopefully lots of fun and full of love. I know I’ll miss the loudness when they’re all out of the house!

[Anonymous]

Who would want to raise a girl in today’s world? Second-class in this country, expected to handle both employment and the entirety of parenting, risk of sexual assault, decreasing reproductive rights…

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. I felt disappointed when I found out my 2nd was a boy. My boys are now 19 and 25, and I wouldn't change a thing. I think it's great that they have same-sex siblings. For a while I used to wish that having a 3rd and it being a girl were in the cards for me, but that feels like a lifetime ago and I have zero feelings about it anymore. It will get better, OP; it will be fine.

[Anonymous]

I get it. This is why you find out ahead of time to give yourself some time to mourn the experience you thought n you might have and be over it by the time they’re born. Also, give your partner some grace if their first reaction to the news is also not leaping over the moon.

[Anonymous]

61 year old mom/grandmother here with my 2c...

I have 3 boys - now full adults (29, 31 and 34), 2 of them married. In the past 34 years of being a mom, I can absolutely assure you that those dreams of the mother-daughter relationship being somehow "better" has not been accurate in my observations. It is completely personality specific. I am WAY closer to my boys than many of my friends and their daughters. And, both of my daughters in law and their mothers.

All my sons are completely open communicators. I think the trick is parenting. Never stop talking to them, asking questions, etc. By the time they are teenagers, they won't know that isn't the norm. Do NOT assume that, just because they are boys, they are incapable of being good listeners, etc.

As many have also said, the joy of watching your sons be best friends is priceless. What a gift!

There is a great chance one of your sons will very close to you, fun, no-drama and always willing to talk to you, his mom.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I completely understand where you are coming from. I’d like to say that raising young men is a special job and I consider it a sign of an amazing mother to embrace young boys and raise them. Good luck, I know it will be fine.