Disappointed that it’s a boy

[Anonymous]

I was maybe disappointed for 5 minutes, but then realized that it's not about me anymore. It means that DS1 gets a brother--how cool is that? They're the best buddies and I love seeing them having each other.

[Anonymous]

It’s ok to have some disappointment op. Many do. How is your older though? The experience of having two boys has only improved with age for me. And comparing cute preschool girls and rowdy preschool boys who aren’t your own kids just isn’t the same as your own kids who grow into fun elementary boys and hopefully silly witty teen boys who from what I hear are a lot easier in some ways than teen girls.

Little girls seem a lot easier than my boys in a lot of ways for sure. But my boys are a ton of fun (I’m sure girls are too!) anyway, just wanted to say it gets better with time in my experience as they grow older. Having two boys now feels pretty right. Cup of Jo has some fantastic posts on this - Google cup of Jo on having boys

[Anonymous]

That’s a heavy burden for a child to bear. To know that they were such a disappointment that the thought of having another one like them was devastating to their parents.

I would do therapy. You aren’t going to be able to hide that disappointment from your kids, even if you don’t openly say it.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I'd be upset with two boys also. Girl clothes are just SO MUCH cuter. All boys clothes are like, "Would you like dinosaurs or vehicles? There are no other options." That's why mine is dressed super preppy - because so many of the solid colors are preppy. Primary is decent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s a heavy burden for a child to bear. To know that they were such a disappointment that the thought of having another one like them was devastating to their parents.

I would do therapy. You aren’t going to be able to hide that disappointment from your kids, even if you don’t openly say it.

If I had a nickel for every friend who felt this way after an ultrasound I’d have a lot of nickels. It’s common. The feelings don’t carry over post birth. It’s all a fantasy at this point, imagining the child, and gender is the only peg to hang the fantasy on.

[Anonymous]

Oh man I’m the opposite. Before having boys, I was so so terrified of the idea of having a boy, especially as an only child and product of all-girls’ education. I had conversations with girlfriends about really really only wanting a girl. And then my boy arrived and he has just been the most magical and wonderful little person ever.
We have a crapshoot with our remaining embryos…we don’t sex-select, we go with the one the embryologist determines is the healthiest and most likely to result in a live pregnancy. But I secretly have a tiny hope that our next and last child will also be a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. Mom of boys. All the moms of multiple boys in my baby playgroup felt the same when pregnant with a second boy. But as I’m sure you realize, and will realize more once you actually have your child, all boys are not alike. My first boy has a lot of typically boyish traits that can be hard to live with. My second boy is completely different. He is a total joy.( My first is s joy too but a more challenging kind of joy).

Also, I’ll just repeat something my OB told me, which didn’t console me at the time but which now seems true: that little boys are often harder to handle than little girls, but teen boys tend to be a lot easier. No guarantees of course but I do feel having teens now that our life is easier in certain ways than that if some families with girls. Probably doesn’t help you but I do get it now.

You’re going to be fine!

All of this. Parent of two boys, now in HS and college. I had an amazing relationship with my late mom and would have loved to have a girl. But honestly at this stage I couldn't imagine anything better than my two wonderful sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a heavy burden for a child to bear. To know that they were such a disappointment that the thought of having another one like them was devastating to their parents.

I would do therapy. You aren’t going to be able to hide that disappointment from your kids, even if you don’t openly say it.

If I had a nickel for every friend who felt this way after an ultrasound I’d have a lot of nickels. It’s common. The feelings don’t carry over post birth. It’s all a fantasy at this point, imagining the child, and gender is the only peg to hang the fantasy on.

Except they have carried over for the OP as she already had a boy and has found that to be such a bad experience that she doesn’t want another one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a heavy burden for a child to bear. To know that they were such a disappointment that the thought of having another one like them was devastating to their parents.

I would do therapy. You aren’t going to be able to hide that disappointment from your kids, even if you don’t openly say it.

If I had a nickel for every friend who felt this way after an ultrasound I’d have a lot of nickels. It’s common. The feelings don’t carry over post birth. It’s all a fantasy at this point, imagining the child, and gender is the only peg to hang the fantasy on.

Except they have carried over for the OP as she already had a boy and has found that to be such a bad experience that she doesn’t want another one.

Nah—that’s not how it works. I stand by what I said.

[Anonymous]

I have an outlier little boy who is now in college. He was born happy and calm and smiling and he is still just a delight. The sibling bond is something that I did not anticipate being so special. All of my children inherited my husband's easy going disposition and the poster who talked about the father above is right. Hang in there op, it's going to be great!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the replies that were kind or encouraging. Yes, I love my first son! I just always wanted a girl. I’m sure the feeling will pass. It just came on strong when I got the results today. -op

[Anonymous]

OP, it's a cliche that boys love their moms. I have a sample size of 1 and can tell you my son and I are super tight and always have been. He is a joy.

I love my daughter. But it's not the same. She can work my last freaking nerve. I can admit that on the internet and would never say it to my kids (obviously).

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. I have two boys, and they are stereotypical boys at that. Sometimes I get a pang of disappointment when I see cute holiday dresses in the store or come across my old dollhouse in the attic that I was saving for a daughter. But my boys are wonderful and I love them to pieces!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. I have two boys, and they are stereotypical boys at that. Sometimes I get a pang of disappointment when I see cute holiday dresses in the store or come across my old dollhouse in the attic that I was saving for a daughter. But my boys are wonderful and I love them to pieces!

My son will play with dollhouses

OP are you burnt out with rowdy kids due to your work? Maybe you need to leave that profession

[Anonymous]

I can relate, I cried for hours when I found out my second was also a boy. I wanted (and still want) a daughter so badly. But one thing that has surprised me is how much I love their bond with each other—they play together so intensely and it is wonderful! Most of my friends have one of each and I just don’t see the same sibling bond in those families (obviously there are exceptions)—so I think there is something to be said for same gender siblings!