Resentment/regret re difficult son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be exhausted - sending a hug.

This. Your love for your child is obvious. And your feelings of fatigue are normal.

Take some comfort in the fact that he is almost grown. You never have to repeat that difficult job.

Will he go to therapy?

🤗

Thank you I really needed this. Update:

He’s agreed to therapy and Physical therapy
He’s agreed to meet with the specialist in his chronic disease
He’s going to take 3 classes - reduced load
We are going to help him investigate things to add into his life
He’s meeting with his psychiatrist and I will talk to her beforehand

I forgot to mention his current crisis is precipitated by a very hard breakup with his long standing girlfriend that he initiated due to very long distance situation on the horizon

Yes he uses marijuana frequently but the additional substances were reactive after breakup and of course troubling and horrible way to “cope” but we don’t believe they have been actively a part of his life . But we need more evidence that that is true

That’s a great update , OP, thank you for sharing. Please ignore the ugly attacks. A lot of us get it and we are pulling for your family ❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a bad parent. I am the daughter in a family where the son is like yours, and he ruined our lives by holding the entire family hostage with his nonsense for decades. And like you, my parents enabled him (and ignored me and my needs completely) because they were always putting out fires for dysfunctional brother. He’s holding the threat of suicide over your heads to hold you hostage so you’ll continue enabling.

Guess what? My brother dropped out of (T20, full pay for my parents) college anyway, still did drugs, has never held a steady job, and at 40 still lives at home with some chronic health problems, and is just generally a mean, ungrateful, unpleasant person. All that snowplowing my parents did for him his whole life did NOTHING. Your enabling is not ever going to help this kid.

Drop the rope. Focus on your daughter, your spouse, yourself. Stop letting the threat of suicide make you enable this kid forever.

And you're a shitty human being who doesn't understand that your experience is YOUR experience alone. Every child deserves to not be dropped at the age of 21 - WITH A BRAIN INJURY AND MENTAL ILLNESS. If you would like another experience that totally flips yours on its head.....I was a horrid teen (depressed, couldn't handle what was happening in my life, constant partying and drugs, rehab by 17, sleeping around, etc). I wasn't diagnosed with anything for years, part refusal on my part, part lack of understanding at the time (early 90s). I didn't go to college right away, continued to party. My parents never gave up. Thank God they never gave up. Thank God I had the chance to live my life and wasn't written off at the age of 18/19/20/21. I am now a c-suite exec at a global firm, have 2 children, and i've been married for more than 20 years. Those very close to me are legitimately shocked when I tell them about my teen/young adult years.

OP - I hope all is well and that you continue to see some improvements!! I'm rooting for you and your ds!

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you get it. My horribly abusive father abandoned us at age 15. My addict mother couldn’t cope and she was homeless at age 18. My twin brother were entirely on our own - no option to come back home, and as top flight NCAA competitors, we made the conscious choice not to do drugs or alcohol. I am glad you are successful but I would have looked at you in college as a kid with second chances by virtue of having supportive parents. I had necessity, you didn’t.

One thing has changed over the years. THC products have changed over the years with sky high concentrations. Cannabis induced psychoses is skyrocketing and it is irresponsible to view pot use today for anyone younger than 25 as benign. Yes, people with mental problems and CIP deserve care, of which there is a significant shortage. But to a sibling who didn’t make bad decisions, I can understand why she harbors anger. That doesn’t make her a bad human being. Her brother made choices which led to be taken care of by others. At 40! Not good for him and clearly an impact on his family.

My brother and became very successful both academically and career wise. If I chose to do drugs (a stupid thing because I was tested in competition), I can’t imagine begging my brother for help as he was raised in the same lousy situation. Our experience at age 15/16 to rely entirely on ourselves was extreme, but we had no choice. And yes I do consider myself lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is 21. Go home.

This is pretty 💩ty advice, you know! Just because your child is an adult by age doesn’t mean that you’re fine loving them and caring for them.

OP’s son is obviously struggling with some mental health issues. If he had some physical ailment, let’s say a broken leg, would you tell her to go home because he’s an adult?

[Anonymous]

** that you’re DONE loving them and caring for them.