How long did you date before getting married and how long did it last/is it lasting?

[Anonymous]

9 years dating, 19 years and still happily married. Two kids. Apparently my boyfriend/fiance/husband was not concerned about my "shelf life".

[Anonymous]

Dated 10 months, engaged for 3 months, married 21 years tomorrow - 9-9-89

I was in another relationship on and off for 10 years. Once I kicked him to the curb for good, DH showed up and and it was very special and fast. Sometimes I can't believe I wasted all that time on someone else (and I did not live with him. ) Didn't live with DH either - but we knew pretty quickly how we felt about each other.

[Anonymous]

Had three dates. Married for 8 years.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I were together for a little over a year when we got engaged and were married a little over a year later. When I met him I was 22. I knew after a few months that I would marry him, though. I think he knew probably within 8 months? We have been married about 6 1/2 years and, so far, it's working out great (I hear most marraiges end within 7 years and it seems true in my circle). My Parents dated 6 weeks before engagement, 3 months before marraige, and 38 years later are happy. My In-Laws dated about 6 months before marraige and are happy I think 42 years later? Of course, that was a different era. Anyway, I have read that it's the longer courtships that lead to a higher divorce rate, but there is such a high divorce rate anyway, who knows what that's about! It's really the problem when someone doesn't really want to be married to the other person, stalls for a while, the marries out of guilt......that's when the problems happen. If people date 10 years because neither one gets married, I think that situation is one where they wouldn't be more likely to get divorced. I think you just both need to be on the same page.....whatever page that is.

[Anonymous]

Dated two years, engaged one year, married 13 years.

I will tell my daughters that after they turn 25 they should not stay with a man more than 2 years if he does not propose. The ugly truth is that women do have a sell-by date and many men have no problem wasting a girl's best years.

I married at 24 and even I find that offensive. Hopefully your daughters will respond that they have no plans to marry since they are running for Congress/curing cancer/getting a PhD, etc.

[Anonymous]

Dated 8 months
Married 4 years (so far)

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the responses but I think the age of the people in question is a big factor, too.

Me:

Dated for 4 months and got engaged at 25. Engaged for 14 months. Married 4 years. Divorced. Definitely should've seen some signs in those first 18 months that we were not a good fit.

During the divorce process, became good friends with a work acquaintance (I was 30). Secretly dated and essentially lived together for a year, then openly dated for 8 months, got married and have been married 3 years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually know quite a few couples who dated for ages before marrying, who then divorced quickly.

One common phenomenon is people who date for a very long time, and the relationship gets a little stale. They try, not necessarily consciously, to 'shake things up' by getting married, which is a bad idea! So it's not that uncommon to see this type of thing. Because if you were really right for each other, why wait so long in the first place?

I was engaged after 2yrs, married 1.5 later, still married 7 years later and going strong.

The reason why we waited so long is because we started dating while still in college and had NO money! We got married after we both had been working full time for three years (after having dated for 6) and had saved up some money for the wedding, a down payment, etc.

[Anonymous]

Dated 6 years mostly long distance, lived together for 8 years (bought a house together after 6 of those), married now for 2, having a baby next month.

There are lots of reasons why people don't get married (feminism, for one); choosing to do so after a long time of being happy not doing so doesn't mean you're grasping at straws to save your relationship. It could mean you need health insurance and/or you've changed your mind about procreating. For example.

[Anonymous]

I like the grandmother's advice: if it's a good idea now, it'll still be a good idea in a year.

OP, as a mom to three kids and having lots of friends who are in the same boat dating... be careful when a guy seems too perfect and is overly interested in your kid. just saying.

[Anonymous]

I agree..with a kid I would be overly cautious.

I did not have children. From first date to marriage vows was 14 months. (We weren't into a big ta do wedding). We did not live together until we got married. Married 8 years and very happy-time flew by.

[Anonymous]

Dated for 18 months. Engaged for 2 years. Married for 19.5 years. Children are ages 9 and 7.

[Anonymous]

Dated 4 months and then got engaged. Engaged 7 months. Married for 12 years.

[Anonymous]

Dated 9 years (got together in college), married about a year and a half.

[Anonymous]

"OP, as a mom to three kids and having lots of friends who are in the same boat dating... be careful when a guy seems too perfect and is overly interested in your kid. just saying. "

Ditto. Since you showed poor judgment in choosing your ex, proceed with caution this time.