How long did you date before getting married and how long did it last/is it lasting?

[Anonymous]

OP, glad you have a great new bfriend. I'm confused as to why he is added to your lease when he is about to leave the country for a year? Be wary of relationships that take on the "weight" of time without the nitty gritty of daily life to provide a reality check. When he comes back I'd try to frame it as having dated for 4 months. Learned that one the hard way. Distance = unreality. Is he in the military? If so, I'd really be cautious about taking on that lifestyle lightly as well. Have fun and try to slow it down a bit. Your child should not be all invested after 4 months. He sure knows how to sell himself to you, so be a bit wary. He may be a great guy but only time will tell, kwim? If he is on your lease, tell me, is he paying rent? If he only has to play at being daddy and gets sex and a free place to live that isn't such a bad deal and might not be the real him. Hope that it is for your sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6 years dating. 9 years married. Loving everyday of it....even the shitty ones. Time to see if something is right is NEVER a bad thing, but only when communication is clear and everyone is on the same page with how everything is progressing.

He is overseas for a year? DEFINATELY wait when he gets back and just ENJOY each other. If it is right, it will be right 1 year after he gets back! Divorce is painful and expensive, tread lightly.

Good luck!

Sorry to be the spelling police, because we all mistype a word now and again; but, for the love GOD, will people learn to spell the word DEFINITELY?

I mean, if you are going go round capitalizing for emphasis and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6 years dating. 9 years married. Loving everyday of it....even the shitty ones. Time to see if something is right is NEVER a bad thing, but only when communication is clear and everyone is on the same page with how everything is progressing.

He is overseas for a year? DEFINATELY wait when he gets back and just ENJOY each other. If it is right, it will be right 1 year after he gets back! Divorce is painful and expensive, tread lightly.

Good luck!

Sorry to be the spelling police, because we all mistype a word now and again; but, for the love GOD, will people learn to spell the word DEFINITELY?

I mean, if you are going go round capitalizing for emphasis and so on.

Yep. That would be ME. Mistyping for the love OF God. Thank you!
I'll be here all week, folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually know quite a few couples who dated for ages before marrying, who then divorced quickly.

One common phenomenon is people who date for a very long time, and the relationship gets a little stale. They try, not necessarily consciously, to 'shake things up' by getting married, which is a bad idea! So it's not that uncommon to see this type of thing. Because if you were really right for each other, why wait so long in the first place?

I was engaged after 2yrs, married 1.5 later, still married 7 years later and going strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"we can't get enough of each other. " before mentioning the kid is a BIG RED FLAG.

"I do agree with you that when you have kids you need to be more cautious"

How have you been cautious?

OP here: Sorry, but my child is my number 1 priority and I have no interest in sharing with you the ways I go about making sure my child is safe. I didn't mention my child on the OP because I didn't want it to become a post about my child and if I, as a single mom should be dating. This is not what this post is about. If that bothers you, feel free to move on to another post.

Sorry, but this is about marrying a man, whom you've known for a few months, who sleeps over at your home, who seems to have unrestricted access to your child, whose year-long absence may traumatize your child, who will become the father of your child if you get married--yeah, I'd say this is about your child. The fact that you think that these are separate issues worries me. They are different, but inextricable.

[Anonymous]

"OP here: Sorry, but my child is my number 1 priority "

No evidence, seems like what's between your legs is your number 1 priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"we can't get enough of each other. " before mentioning the kid is a BIG RED FLAG.

"I do agree with you that when you have kids you need to be more cautious"

How have you been cautious?

OP here: Sorry, but my child is my number 1 priority and I have no interest in sharing with you the ways I go about making sure my child is safe. I didn't mention my child on the OP because I didn't want it to become a post about my child and if I, as a single mom should be dating. This is not what this post is about. If that bothers you, feel free to move on to another post.

Sorry, but this is about marrying a man, whom you've known for a few months, who sleeps over at your home, who seems to have unrestricted access to your child, whose year-long absence may traumatize your child, who will become the father of your child if you get married--yeah, I'd say this is about your child. The fact that you think that these are separate issues worries me. They are different, but inextricable.

I never said these are separate issues. Did you read what I said? I said this is not what the POST is about. Let me do the worrying about my child part. Nobody here can weigh in what's best for my child without personally knowing all of us, so that's not what I was asking from people. What I was asking was to tell me about YOUR personal experiences and leave my child out of it. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, glad you have a great new bfriend. I'm confused as to why he is added to your lease when he is about to leave the country for a year? Be wary of relationships that take on the "weight" of time without the nitty gritty of daily life to provide a reality check. When he comes back I'd try to frame it as having dated for 4 months. Learned that one the hard way. Distance = unreality. Is he in the military? If so, I'd really be cautious about taking on that lifestyle lightly as well. Have fun and try to slow it down a bit. Your child should not be all invested after 4 months. He sure knows how to sell himself to you, so be a bit wary. He may be a great guy but only time will tell, kwim? If he is on your lease, tell me, is he paying rent? If he only has to play at being daddy and gets sex and a free place to live that isn't such a bad deal and might not be the real him. Hope that it is for your sake.

he also apparently knows how to sell himself to her child.

slow it down, op. been there, done that, have the divorce decree...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"OP here: Sorry, but my child is my number 1 priority "

No evidence, seems like what's between your legs is your number 1 priority.

Yes, because it's been proven time and time again that we have to erase what's between our legs to be a good mother. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself, lady.

[Anonymous]

"I never said these are separate issues. Did you read what I said? I said this is not what the POST is about. Let me do the worrying about my child part. Nobody here can weigh in what's best for my child without personally knowing all of us, so that's not what I was asking from people. What I was asking was to tell me about YOUR personal experiences and leave my child out of it. That's all. "

1. Is English your first language?
2. Start thinking with your brain instead of your vagina.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I never said these are separate issues. Did you read what I said? I said this is not what the POST is about. Let me do the worrying about my child part. Nobody here can weigh in what's best for my child without personally knowing all of us, so that's not what I was asking from people. What I was asking was to tell me about YOUR personal experiences and leave my child out of it. That's all. "

1. Is English your first language?
2. Start thinking with your brain instead of your vagina.

1. No, thanks for noticing.

2. What does sex have to do with this? Why am I thinking with my vagina? Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Dated just over 4 years before we got married. We're the cautious type

Still married, 14 years.

[Anonymous]

10 months from first date to marriage. We have been married for 2.5 years with a one year old child. We're as happy as can be.

Good luck, OP. I'm sorry so many people have been so rude.

[Anonymous]

Dated for a year, engaged for a year, married for eight years, happy and lucky.

[Anonymous]

Dated for 6 months, engaged for 10 months, married 6 years.

I will tell my daughters that after they turn 25 they should not stay with a man more than 2 years if he does not propose. The ugly truth is that women do have a sell-by date and many men have no problem wasting a girl's best years.