How important was knowing your partner's past when dating them?

[Anonymous]

I think giving each other the basic history makes sense. But I would not want to get into multiple, repeated conversations dissecting my past relationships with a new partner, that seems like what friends & therapy are for.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he was hurt and has moved on, therefore no need to revisit it.

Maybe by answering he it will force him to speak badly about someone and that could make him look bad, even if it’s the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of this also depends on what you want in the relationship- marriage, kids, etc.

I'm late 30s and divorced with one kid, don't have any interest in getting married or living with another adult again. Have been with someone for 3.5 years and the only relationship I actively inquired about was the most recent one as it produced a child. Everything else before that, doesn't matter, and I think would only hurt me more.

And as long as you're dating someone stable and responsible, not sure why people, especially adults feel the need to know about the past number of sexual partners. What purpose does that serve? Does anyone feel good after finding out??

That's called burying your head in the sand. I know a guy who hid a lot of his behavior but ended up in an LTR for stability. Sure enough he went back to his ways of having high risk sex with randos, getting caught and is single once again. It's tells about a person's values, morals and judgement. And if they had a lot of broken relationships it's a sign of instability.

[Anonymous]

I've been very open and honest in the past when asked about previous relations and then had things thrown in my face and really burned for what I revealed. I've learned, never again. You may get some bullet points and cliff notes but not details and especially, I won't say anything about any past lovers being good at anything in bed no matter how many different ways it's asked. Huge mistake.

[Anonymous]

Every relationship is different. They should generally start with a clean sheet.

Two people’s interactions with each other take precedent in over one person interactions with a no longer significant other.

Especially when it comes to intimacy. Every part is different.

[Anonymous]

I've been very open and honest in the past when asked about previous relations and then had things thrown in my face and really burned for what I revealed. I've learned, never again. You may get some bullet points and cliff notes but not details and especially, I won't say anything about any past lovers being good at anything in bed no matter how many different ways it's asked. Huge mistake.

You need to find a man. A man would never care how good your past lovers were.

[Anonymous]

I don't need to know all the details. The general story sure but I am interested in who they are now in life, not what they did with their college girlfriend 30 years ago.

General patterns are of interest - for example if they have never lived alone, never been single - that would be something I would want to explore. But specifics, not interested

People change over time, they also all bring their own perspective to their lives and that perspective evolves with age and experience and wisdom. Also, I want to know how compatable they will be with me. I am more focused on the present. I am also a fairly private person and would not be overly comfortable with a new partner needing a play by play of every partner and sexual encounter in my life. I just don't think it matters. I care about who they are now, their values, their priorities, what they see as a healthy relationship, their view of their strengths and weaknesses, how they treat others etc.