How important was knowing your partner's past when dating them?
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Anonymous
| I'm a very curious person and I've only had one relationship before. I'm not in my 20s. So my current partner gets very bothered when I ask about his past and he declines to let me know more. He was married before and he has had relationships before. He gets annoyed when he has to repeat himself and he has little patience. He thinks the reason that I ask details about his past relationships is to be critical about. I just want to know him in and out. I think certain patterns are important to know about people before getting together with them. For example it seems like he could never be single since he was 18 and he jumped from relationship to relationship. Marriage ended in divorce. Anyway there's definitely red flags but in getting to know someone it seems like most men don't want to reveal their past, number of relationship partners etc. I thought most people would be transparent about these things..then again I overheard women commenting to other women to never let a man know their past. But then wheres the trust? |
Anonymous
| You are young, insecure and nosy and using all sorts of platitudes to justify it. Dial it back a bit. It is dating not an inquisition. |
Anonymous
| Why do you need to hear a number? What will you do differently in this relationship if it’s six people vs 10? As an adult just assume anyone you date, has been with people before you. If you want to ask them to get STD testing then ask. |
Anonymous
| I would expect to know a partner’s past completely and fully and this would be a deal breaker for me. |
Anonymous
| Every man knows not to ask a woman about her past. It's very triggering for women. Men usually don't care. |
Anonymous
Agreed. |
Anonymous
That's easy. She'll find out one of them was amaaaaazing in bed and then she'll start asking about that ad nauseam and start a thread here comparing herself to her partners' past. +1 on dialing it way back. |
Anonymous
| He’s telling you something loud and clear. Listen and believe. Don’t be another feather in his cap. |
Anonymous
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Very important!
I was fooled by my ex and family. |
Anonymous
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You’re in your 30s and single? Damaged goods has to settle for damaged goods. You’re still a good person and can make a good marriage, but you can’t expect a Prince Charming fantasy man.
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Anonymous
| It impossible to know someone’s past because people lie and omit things they feel would cast them in a bad light. So the question is - do you trust this guy? If it’s a no then leave. |
Anonymous
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If wanting to know this man's past is a priority and he's annoyed with sharing that information with you .. He's not for you. Move on. |
Anonymous
This. It doesn't matter what any of us think. If it's important to you and he's not spilling, then he's not the guy for you. |
Anonymous
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I would suggest to anyone to look up their new partner online starting with social media, to county records regarding divorces, civil etc. I had a friend who lived with a guy for 15 years. She stupidly didn't check up on him, or thought his constant porn wasn't normal. Finally, with my help she found out he was hooking up about once a month with a swinger group. He would meet a couple and that's when she found out he was also gay. He had been in a high risk group for years. Threw him out, then she went and got tested. The scariest thing I ever saw.
When people are secretive that alone is a red flag OP. Or they've lived a lifestyle that isn't healthy, they seldom give it up or for long. |
Anonymous
| I would look up his divorce online. My friend's bf was divorced 3 times, each time the women filed. He lied and said he was divorced twice. He is an older guy. |