Explain to me your thought process (parents) with being highly competitive with your swimmer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I understand that the DMV is very competitive - parents here hire tutors for everything, take prep classes for every standardize test, get private coaching, specialized sport camps, etc. On the academic front it makes sense, you want your kid to understand/know material, succeed, do well in college, etc. But I am having a tougher time understanding the same mentality with sports and swim in particular (where it is not subjective but time based with motivational standard to show where a swimmer falls in speed/talent).

We know some families that spend a lot of resources on private coaching and camps every year for their swimmers. They push the head coach to focus on their swimmers' needs. The kids are good (mostly AA times and some AAA times) although the one it very much appears is peaking and being surpassed by peers that have not swam as long. They used to have a lot of success because of all the private instruction at a very young age. Now their peers are reaching the same skill level. You see the kid cry a lot with the parents, and it very much appears the parents are VERY hard on the swimmers and coaching their swimmers a lot (not swimmers themselves). It has been overheard the constant critiques about what the swimmer did wrong in the water.

I want to understand this parent. Is the goal to have a D1 swimmer? The scholarship money in no way equals the resources spent to perfect the strokes since the swimmer was 8. Is playing a sport in college that important to lifelong success?

Do you think you have an Olympian on your hand and this could be a life long career? I don't understand it. Do you not realize that they could burn out, hate it, opt to quit because of the pressure? Or they will be done in high school or college and never swim again?

What does this parent think swimming for their child means? It very much appears the parent is "living" through their child since they were not swimmers themselves. I guess I really and truly do not understand what the thought process is here.

I’ve seen this done in hockey. Kid burned out by 9th grade when everyone caught up. Lots of stress for the kid, wasted money…he grew to hate the sport.

[Anonymous]

I think it's OK to encourage your DS or DS to participate on a sports team, and to try their best. My DH and I attended a middle school and a high school that required sports participation, which is true at a lot of private schools. I like this because I think that it's good to push kids a bit out of their comfort zone.

At least for my kids, if we did not push them a little bit, they would prefer to watch TV, play video games, or scroll on their phones.

So I think it's good of all kids participate in a sport, if only to keep them busy and off of their devices.

My DD and DS both did competitive swimming on a club team, and in high school. My DH and I were just happy that our kids were decent enough swimmers to be on the team.

I don't necessarily think it's an American thing to push your kids in sports. At least in swimming, I thought it was mostly the immigrant parents who were really pushing their kids. I was once a timer in a race of 9-10's. I saw a kid get out of the pool after the race. His mom was a timer standing in the lane next to me. After she saw his time, she told her son (in broken English) "You need to do better!" At the time, I remember thinking that there is no way that I could say that to my kids, as many American kids would reject that or refuse to tolerate that from their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was a really long post and you seem very interested in that family. Perhaps you need to take a breath and try to understand why this is occupying your thoughts.

Does it suck for the kid? Sure. But everyone has their own parenting style.

Op here. It is actually three or four families that my swimmer is around. I blended and gave just a few odd details. I am not from the US and this parenting style seems peculiar and for lack of a better term foreign.

My swimmer is in the same group and has always been close in times but this season is besting these swimmers (new height). They are pushing private coaching, camps, etc. on us. I am not interested and if my swimmer expresses interest we will look into it.

What is the end game? What am I missing?

The end game was often D1 swimming but there isn’t much money there and they are now taking fewer swimmers so competition is fierce. They have to love it or they won’t last.

I have an 18 yr old high school senior who will swim in college. At about 16, you start to see the serious kids burn out or get injured. Many of these swimmers are battling constant injury. Overuse injuries are serious and career ending. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Let them rest when they need it.

In our case, the end game was to help a seriously hyperactive kid get the energy out, set goals, stay focused on school/swim and have some assistance in the college application process.

The more they swim, the less time they have to study and for many, AP classes and swim are tough to balance but it can be done. It is not easy. The pressure in 10th and 11th is high.

Our son was recruited despite injuries and will be attending a school beyond his expected reach academically had he not been swimming. Don’t get me wrong - he’s in range but schools with sun 15 % acceptance rates are reaches for everyone.

The college process can be much easier as an athlete (not less work but more transparent). I’m grateful for that.

My one regret was that we didn’t really miss meets or practice (unless sick). We skipped trips and parties to prioritize swimming. Looking back, those non-swim events would have helped create more balance and would not have negatively impacted the overall outcome. One bad meet or one bad season will not matter that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cell phones have also not helped the hyper parents. I see so many of them taping all of their kids races. I really hope these kids aren’t doing film and stroke technique sessions at home

My 18 year old son now wants the videos. He grabs my phone after his races to see how he did. He’s not even mad if he didn’t win and we think he’s actually too accepting of bad races but he wants those videos. His dad does go home and gives it a quick look. Maximum of 10 minutes but some club team coaches don’t give feedback and kids want to know how to improve. It’s all in how you do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cell phones have also not helped the hyper parents. I see so many of them taping all of their kids races. I really hope these kids aren’t doing film and stroke technique sessions at home

My kids love watching their own videos. I stopped doing it for a while and they complained. But I don’t try to give them tips based on the videos.

+1. My swimmers want to watch their races. We aren’t doing post event lectures lol

+ another. When I’m working the meet, my swimmer (who is older) still asks, “but who will video my races?” We don’t see it as any different than filming our children’s dance or theatre performances.

DD also really enjoys the videos. My phone works fine for swim events that are short, but for other things like diving I'm looking for another solution vs holding it all practice. Found anything that works well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was a really long post and you seem very interested in that family. Perhaps you need to take a breath and try to understand why this is occupying your thoughts.

Does it suck for the kid? Sure. But everyone has their own parenting style.

Op here. It is actually three or four families that my swimmer is around. I blended and gave just a few odd details. I am not from the US and this parenting style seems peculiar and for lack of a better term foreign.

My swimmer is in the same group and has always been close in times but this season is besting these swimmers (new height). They are pushing private coaching, camps, etc. on us. I am not interested and if my swimmer expresses interest we will look into it.

What is the end game? What am I missing?

The end game was often D1 swimming but there isn’t much money there and they are now taking fewer swimmers so competition is fierce. They have to love it or they won’t last.

I have an 18 yr old high school senior who will swim in college. At about 16, you start to see the serious kids burn out or get injured. Many of these swimmers are battling constant injury. Overuse injuries are serious and career ending. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Let them rest when they need it.

In our case, the end game was to help a seriously hyperactive kid get the energy out, set goals, stay focused on school/swim and have some assistance in the college application process.

The more they swim, the less time they have to study and for many, AP classes and swim are tough to balance but it can be done. It is not easy. The pressure in 10th and 11th is high.

Our son was recruited despite injuries and will be attending a school beyond his expected reach academically had he not been swimming. Don’t get me wrong - he’s in range but schools with sun 15 % acceptance rates are reaches for everyone.

The college process can be much easier as an athlete (not less work but more transparent). I’m grateful for that.

My one regret was that we didn’t really miss meets or practice (unless sick). We skipped trips and parties to prioritize swimming. Looking back, those non-swim events would have helped create more balance and would not have negatively impacted the overall outcome. One bad meet or one bad season will not matter that much.

Thank you for this perspective. We have young teens that swim, one is interested in swimming in college. This season I have taken a bigger step back and letting them dictate their seriousness. We have taken more time off and more breaks and have rewarded actually with better performance not worse.

I only have a few more years with them in the house, trying to make the most of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents were probably competitive HS or college swimmers themselves and are trying to relive their glory days.

I doubt it. Every friend and family me ever I know that is a D1 athlete is the opposite with their kids. Encouraging multiple sports and pretty chill. Those people know the burn out and how tough it is and swim is incredibly tough. Early morning practice up and down a lane. It is not like team sports where there is a lot of camaraderie on and off the field.

My girlfriend was a D1 swimmer and has some incredible athletes. Their kids all play multiple sports and with swim in particular they don't rush technical improvements because she says they will need those tweaks in the coming years so they don't plateau for long periods of time. She also points out the kids that will likely not make it to swim in college because they have the parents making them cry on deck.

+1

+2

I swam D1 and my child swims with a laid back club team one day per week, and goes to our summer team’s maintenance program once per week if other sports don’t conflict (which happens more than half the time). My child likes swimming but doesn’t *love* it at least not right now. They are long and lanky and I see the potential. They are usually in the top 16 in their best events at big open meets. They can hang with the fastest kids for a 50 but then there is a clear drop off because they just don’t swim enough to have a strong back half. Their starts, turns and streamlines are pretty bad, and the strokes all need work (fly and breast are yikes, lol). I do not tell my child these things. I figure they will either want to start swimming more and improve, or not. I can’t make them want it.

I remember the crazy parents. One kept a notebook of all their kids’ times (before online databases existed) and would scream at them if they added time. Only one of those kids ended up swimming four years of elite D1. The others plateaued as teens or dropped out after a year of college due to burnout/injury.

I think if you have a truly elite age grouper it’s easy to get excited and caught up in it. But it’s so much better to be the slow burn kid who avoids injury and burnout by not ramping up too young, and is still getting better at age 16, 17, 18 and beyond. I don’t know if other sports are quite like this so maybe people without a swimming background don’t get it. The goal at the younger ages should be retention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was a really long post and you seem very interested in that family. Perhaps you need to take a breath and try to understand why this is occupying your thoughts.

Does it suck for the kid? Sure. But everyone has their own parenting style.

Op here. It is actually three or four families that my swimmer is around. I blended and gave just a few odd details. I am not from the US and this parenting style seems peculiar and for lack of a better term foreign.

My swimmer is in the same group and has always been close in times but this season is besting these swimmers (new height). They are pushing private coaching, camps, etc. on us. I am not interested and if my swimmer expresses interest we will look into it.

What is the end game? What am I missing?

Mom of a college swimmer- the DMV is ultra competitive with everything and people are like it- with that said there is next to no scholarship money for men in swimming. If your kid wants to go to swim camp, get lessons to improve and you can afford it without giving up saving for college- then let your kid do it. If your kid wants to swim in college, make sure they get great grades with a rigorous schedule and their times are their times. A lot of coaches in the dmv have coached a lot of swimmers to getting roster spots at great colleges

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents were probably competitive HS or college swimmers themselves and are trying to relive their glory days.

I doubt it. Every friend and family me ever I know that is a D1 athlete is the opposite with their kids. Encouraging multiple sports and pretty chill. Those people know the burn out and how tough it is and swim is incredibly tough. Early morning practice up and down a lane. It is not like team sports where there is a lot of camaraderie on and off the field.

My girlfriend was a D1 swimmer and has some incredible athletes. Their kids all play multiple sports and with swim in particular they don't rush technical improvements because she says they will need those tweaks in the coming years so they don't plateau for long periods of time. She also points out the kids that will likely not make it to swim in college because they have the parents making them cry on deck.

+1

^this- former athletes are usually the most laid back sport athletes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents were probably competitive HS or college swimmers themselves and are trying to relive their glory days.

I doubt it. Every friend and family me ever I know that is a D1 athlete is the opposite with their kids. Encouraging multiple sports and pretty chill. Those people know the burn out and how tough it is and swim is incredibly tough. Early morning practice up and down a lane. It is not like team sports where there is a lot of camaraderie on and off the field.

My girlfriend was a D1 swimmer and has some incredible athletes. Their kids all play multiple sports and with swim in particular they don't rush technical improvements because she says they will need those tweaks in the coming years so they don't plateau for long periods of time. She also points out the kids that will likely not make it to swim in college because they have the parents making them cry on deck.

+1

^this- former athletes are usually the most laid back sport athletes

They also bake the cake. Just sayin' their kids don't have to worry about making the teams or anything.

[Anonymous]

I’ve definitely met some crazy swim parents who were college athletes. As a whole, they are also just more stealth about it - sit together, know the coaches, sometimes get special treatment/access to best groups, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve definitely met some crazy swim parents who were college athletes. As a whole, they are also just more stealth about it - sit together, know the coaches, sometimes get special treatment/access to best groups, etc.

Yeah, sometimes they are even the coaches. Reminds me of MSI's CEO, who was a professional player. His daughter played soccer on my DD's travel team, mostly underwhelming. But why would he throw a fit about it, he runs the thing. Like, maybe he should take her out and kick the ball around or something. I mean she eventually got some skills. At least they had enough taste to not start her at striker every game like one of the former coach's daughter that played D1 but the daughter couldn't dribble her way out of a brown paper bag. Guess what she never threw a fit either, I wonder why?

[Anonymous]

Appreciate the older kids parents perspective. We took a long vacation over winter break and DD age 10 missed practice. She came home tonight and said everyone got really fast over break. Obviously she's a bit out of shape. I was feeling bad for taking the trip. But you are right...it's OK to miss here and there and let them keep their love of the sport. So easy to lose that.

[Anonymous]

When the kids hit the grind..it has to come from the kids. Find ways to let them enjoy their time in ES, MS and HS and being a kid. Take time for vacation, the sport will always be there. As a parent of a D1 athlete, we had ups and downs all the way through HS. FOMO was huge and many friends didn't understand the 20+ hours of training each week and then don't forget homework. It's been 10 years of training and competitions with our athlete trying to find her way. We as parents would be quietly frustrated w/ coaching etc, but would always be at the meets and always say, loved watching you..even when no their best.
For college, she wanted D1, not us. We encouraged D2 and D3 and now she is in the grind of D1 athlete with alot of perks, but still has to sacrifice a lot too.
But in the end, the drive and focus was all from her

[Anonymous]

Thanks for this. I keep thinking she’s 10 so she has 8 more years to develop since she’s on younger side. But swim is such a tough sport. Older kids play soccer, volleyball, team sports. It’s very different when it all falls on you.