Explain to me your thought process (parents) with being highly competitive with your swimmer

[Anonymous]

I understand that the DMV is very competitive - parents here hire tutors for everything, take prep classes for every standardize test, get private coaching, specialized sport camps, etc. On the academic front it makes sense, you want your kid to understand/know material, succeed, do well in college, etc. But I am having a tougher time understanding the same mentality with sports and swim in particular (where it is not subjective but time based with motivational standard to show where a swimmer falls in speed/talent).

We know some families that spend a lot of resources on private coaching and camps every year for their swimmers. They push the head coach to focus on their swimmers' needs. The kids are good (mostly AA times and some AAA times) although the one it very much appears is peaking and being surpassed by peers that have not swam as long. They used to have a lot of success because of all the private instruction at a very young age. Now their peers are reaching the same skill level. You see the kid cry a lot with the parents, and it very much appears the parents are VERY hard on the swimmers and coaching their swimmers a lot (not swimmers themselves). It has been overheard the constant critiques about what the swimmer did wrong in the water.

I want to understand this parent. Is the goal to have a D1 swimmer? The scholarship money in no way equals the resources spent to perfect the strokes since the swimmer was 8. Is playing a sport in college that important to lifelong success?

Do you think you have an Olympian on your hand and this could be a life long career? I don't understand it. Do you not realize that they could burn out, hate it, opt to quit because of the pressure? Or they will be done in high school or college and never swim again?

What does this parent think swimming for their child means? It very much appears the parent is "living" through their child since they were not swimmers themselves. I guess I really and truly do not understand what the thought process is here.

[Anonymous]

That was a really long post and you seem very interested in that family. Perhaps you need to take a breath and try to understand why this is occupying your thoughts.

Does it suck for the kid? Sure. But everyone has their own parenting style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was a really long post and you seem very interested in that family. Perhaps you need to take a breath and try to understand why this is occupying your thoughts.

Does it suck for the kid? Sure. But everyone has their own parenting style.

Op here. It is actually three or four families that my swimmer is around. I blended and gave just a few odd details. I am not from the US and this parenting style seems peculiar and for lack of a better term foreign.

My swimmer is in the same group and has always been close in times but this season is besting these swimmers (new height). They are pushing private coaching, camps, etc. on us. I am not interested and if my swimmer expresses interest we will look into it.

What is the end game? What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I understand that the DMV is very competitive - parents here hire tutors for everything, take prep classes for every standardize test, get private coaching, specialized sport camps, etc. On the academic front it makes sense, you want your kid to understand/know material, succeed, do well in college, etc. But I am having a tougher time understanding the same mentality with sports and swim in particular (where it is not subjective but time based with motivational standard to show where a swimmer falls in speed/talent).

We know some families that spend a lot of resources on private coaching and camps every year for their swimmers. They push the head coach to focus on their swimmers' needs. The kids are good (mostly AA times and some AAA times) although the one it very much appears is peaking and being surpassed by peers that have not swam as long. They used to have a lot of success because of all the private instruction at a very young age. Now their peers are reaching the same skill level. You see the kid cry a lot with the parents, and it very much appears the parents are VERY hard on the swimmers and coaching their swimmers a lot (not swimmers themselves). It has been overheard the constant critiques about what the swimmer did wrong in the water.

I want to understand this parent. Is the goal to have a D1 swimmer? The scholarship money in no way equals the resources spent to perfect the strokes since the swimmer was 8. Is playing a sport in college that important to lifelong success?

Do you think you have an Olympian on your hand and this could be a life long career? I don't understand it. Do you not realize that they could burn out, hate it, opt to quit because of the pressure? Or they will be done in high school or college and never swim again?

What does this parent think swimming for their child means? It very much appears the parent is "living" through their child since they were not swimmers themselves. I guess I really and truly do not understand what the thought process is here.

This seems like a very long-winded way to say that your kid doesn't swim at IMX meets.

[Anonymous]

There are always people who will push their kids. I wouldn't fault the parent for hiring a coach. The question is the emotional cost to the child. Some kids will rise to the top, while others will burn out. You do what is best for your kid.

[Anonymous]

^^Forgot to mention, this happens in all sports. Swimming isn't special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Forgot to mention, this happens in all sports. Swimming isn't special.

This. This area is full of Type A parents, and sports is just one way that it is evident. And for whatever reason, this area has a strong infrastructure around swimming so you’ll see it if you have a kid who swims. Not my cup of tea, but ymmv.

[Anonymous]

generalizing, but the parents that are pushing the kids like this genuinely think it will help their kids be the best they can be. and they shine at 14u champs.

but after that...does burnout, injury, quitting the sport altogether happen? anecdotal, but a lot of the kids i've seen get a ton of private lessons when they're young tend to be the ones that hate swimming by the time they get to high school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I understand that the DMV is very competitive - parents here hire tutors for everything, take prep classes for every standardize test, get private coaching, specialized sport camps, etc. On the academic front it makes sense, you want your kid to understand/know material, succeed, do well in college, etc. But I am having a tougher time understanding the same mentality with sports and swim in particular (where it is not subjective but time based with motivational standard to show where a swimmer falls in speed/talent).

We know some families that spend a lot of resources on private coaching and camps every year for their swimmers. They push the head coach to focus on their swimmers' needs. The kids are good (mostly AA times and some AAA times) although the one it very much appears is peaking and being surpassed by peers that have not swam as long. They used to have a lot of success because of all the private instruction at a very young age. Now their peers are reaching the same skill level. You see the kid cry a lot with the parents, and it very much appears the parents are VERY hard on the swimmers and coaching their swimmers a lot (not swimmers themselves). It has been overheard the constant critiques about what the swimmer did wrong in the water.

I want to understand this parent. Is the goal to have a D1 swimmer? The scholarship money in no way equals the resources spent to perfect the strokes since the swimmer was 8. Is playing a sport in college that important to lifelong success?

Do you think you have an Olympian on your hand and this could be a life long career? I don't understand it. Do you not realize that they could burn out, hate it, opt to quit because of the pressure? Or they will be done in high school or college and never swim again?

What does this parent think swimming for their child means? It very much appears the parent is "living" through their child since they were not swimmers themselves. I guess I really and truly do not understand what the thought process is here.

This seems like a very long-winded way to say that your kid doesn't swim at IMX meets.

I LOVE you IMX poster!

All lanes lead to IMX!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:generalizing, but the parents that are pushing the kids like this genuinely think it will help their kids be the best they can be. and they shine at 14u champs.

but after that...does burnout, injury, quitting the sport altogether happen? anecdotal, but a lot of the kids i've seen get a ton of private lessons when they're young tend to be the ones that hate swimming by the time they get to high school

Swimming in high school, yes. Swimming for a high school, usually. Swimming club competitively? I think that there is a huge drop off and a lot of kids fade out, quit, join less competitive groups, or find a new sport that they can do well in.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the kids like swimming and want to excel? I have a d1 swimmer and another high school swimmer that will likely swim in college. They swim because they enjoy it snd want to do well at it.

I support swimming because of the intangible skills they learn from it. They learn about setting goals, perseverance, recovering from disappointments, etc. Whether or not your kid is d1 or Olympics bound, they can learn so many life skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the kids like swimming and want to excel? I have a d1 swimmer and another high school swimmer that will likely swim in college. They swim because they enjoy it snd want to do well at it.

I support swimming because of the intangible skills they learn from it. They learn about setting goals, perseverance, recovering from disappointments, etc. Whether or not your kid is d1 or Olympics bound, they can learn so many life skills.

+ 1 (NP)
But… I really struggle when I observe parents angry with their children after a disappointing race or lack of best time (which is the norm as they age). If the kid clearly didn’t try or was screwing around, sure, I get it. But it breaks my heart when a parent is angry or disappointed in a kid that tried hard and didn’t get the desired outcome. A parent should comfort in that scenario, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the kids like swimming and want to excel? I have a d1 swimmer and another high school swimmer that will likely swim in college. They swim because they enjoy it snd want to do well at it.

I support swimming because of the intangible skills they learn from it. They learn about setting goals, perseverance, recovering from disappointments, etc. Whether or not your kid is d1 or Olympics bound, they can learn so many life skills.

+ 1 (NP)
But… I really struggle when I observe parents angry with their children after a disappointing race or lack of best time (which is the norm as they age). If the kid clearly didn’t try or was screwing around, sure, I get it. But it breaks my heart when a parent is angry or disappointed in a kid that tried hard and didn’t get the desired outcome. A parent should comfort in that scenario, IMO.

I see a lot of this and it is heart breaking. I will not forget the dad at Sport Fair last year LOSING HIS EVER LOVING mind when his super fast YOUNG kid didn't perform the way he expected. He was hitting the rail and cursing under his breath. Throwing a temper tantrum in the stands. I then saw him later in the lobby with the kid and he appeared to be berating him. The kid was little, maybe 10ish, swimming in the 12&U.

I will not ever understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the kids like swimming and want to excel? I have a d1 swimmer and another high school swimmer that will likely swim in college. They swim because they enjoy it snd want to do well at it.

I support swimming because of the intangible skills they learn from it. They learn about setting goals, perseverance, recovering from disappointments, etc. Whether or not your kid is d1 or Olympics bound, they can learn so many life skills.

I think the question is the crazy parent behavior - not the kid that wants to swim. Why be so intense?

[Anonymous]

I think some of the time you get on the train to crazy town without realizing where you have headed. E.g. take a kid who possibly physically matures early/ has a good summer swim birthday, etc- they are doing really well in summer swim. So you the parent get used to your kid doing well, you like the accolades you get from other parents etc. You sign your kid up for club swimming. You realize they aren't as good as some other kids- so you sign them up for private lessons. Maybe you make swim related friends, or get involved somehow yourself. You are becoming more and more invested in your kids success without totally realizing it. Your kid starts not doing as well- so you sign them up for even more lessons, more intense practice, new coach- what have you. Your kid is the compliant type- they don't ever say 'mom I don't want to swim anymore.' The kid does't want to disappoint the parent.
FWIW- I think this is somewhat more likely to happen with kids who are not overall super athletic, but are good at swimming. The kids who are strong athletes will often move into a different sport, or will focus on swimming, but it is more kid driven than parent driven.