It's been 12 years since FIL passed away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

—BoyMom

Dear BoyMom,
It's obvious it's your fault that your "Boy" grew into someone without empathy or self-awareness. No wonder he's still called a boy and not a man.

What kind of weirdo falsifies a quotation and then has a conversation with their fictional creation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

He's still bemoaning what he went through 20+ years ago. It was awful, nobody died, and it's been 20+ years. He doesn't really move past anything.

I'm just annoyed.

You said 12 years ago and now it's 20? Ok.

You're confused.

- FIL passed away 12 years ago.

- My brother had his own issues 20+ years ago. He still hasn't dealt with those issues.

So why invite him for Christmas? It sounds like you'll all be happier if you just do your own thing.

This. I don’t understand why you’re putting yourself to one iota of work for this manchild?

Op here. Our mom was hoping he would come if I asked.

He never did say anything. He can wallow. Our parents can make their own arrangements to see him. I'm done.

Confused by OP's follow-up. So he did visit for Christmas or he didn't? And what do you mean he never said anything. About what?

Op here. He never responded to the invite for Christmas at all. I haven't talked to him since.

No, he did not visit.

Did you have a nice holiday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

He's still bemoaning what he went through 20+ years ago. It was awful, nobody died, and it's been 20+ years. He doesn't really move past anything.

I'm just annoyed.

You said 12 years ago and now it's 20? Ok.

You're confused.

- FIL passed away 12 years ago.

- My brother had his own issues 20+ years ago. He still hasn't dealt with those issues.

So why invite him for Christmas? It sounds like you'll all be happier if you just do your own thing.

This. I don’t understand why you’re putting yourself to one iota of work for this manchild?

Op here. Our mom was hoping he would come if I asked.

He never did say anything. He can wallow. Our parents can make their own arrangements to see him. I'm done.

Confused by OP's follow-up. So he did visit for Christmas or he didn't? And what do you mean he never said anything. About what?

Op here. He never responded to the invite for Christmas at all. I haven't talked to him since.

No, he did not visit.

Sounds like a relief that he didn’t show. That is crazy that he’s still mad from 12 yrs ago and has never realized that he was in the wrong on that one.

Enjoy not having to deal with him.

[Anonymous]

I'd respond "We will be here if nobody dies".

then let it be.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like one of a number of angry brothers among my friends and acquaintances. These angry perpetual victims can never be happy. I’m glad for you that he didn’t come and now you don’t have to invite him next time. Your parents can visit him separately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he an adult? Is he coming by himself or with a partner and/or any kids?

I’m petty, so I would respond “yes, I’m sure. Sorry about 2012, when Fred died. I know that was inconvenient for you.”

I like you, I am a petty b**** too. Would happily call out my brother on his stupid behavior.

I would call him out, and I don't think it's petty to do so. He's being ridiculous and selfish, and adults, and anyone with an ounce of empathy, should know better. Behavior like this shouldn't be tolerated.

But, don't be passive aggressive about it like the PP suggests directly call him out on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

He's still bemoaning what he went through 20+ years ago. It was awful, nobody died, and it's been 20+ years. He doesn't really move past anything.

I'm just annoyed.

You said 12 years ago and now it's 20? Ok.

You're confused.

- FIL passed away 12 years ago.

- My brother had his own issues 20+ years ago. He still hasn't dealt with those issues.

So why invite him for Christmas? It sounds like you'll all be happier if you just do your own thing.

This. I don’t understand why you’re putting yourself to one iota of work for this manchild?

Op here. Our mom was hoping he would come if I asked.

He never did say anything. He can wallow. Our parents can make their own arrangements to see him. I'm done.

Confused by OP's follow-up. So he did visit for Christmas or he didn't? And what do you mean he never said anything. About what?

Op here. He never responded to the invite for Christmas at all. I haven't talked to him since.

No, he did not visit.

Did you have a nice holiday?

Yes!

I'm not even overly surprised that he didn't respond. I need to remember not to reach out, including telling our Mom "no" if necessary. She's likely to forget this. I won't.

[Anonymous]

“No, I can’t guarantee we won’t have another emergency. If that risk is too much for your planning, it’s okay if you decline. Life happens. We just try to be resilient.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he an adult? Is he coming by himself or with a partner and/or any kids?

I’m petty, so I would respond “yes, I’m sure. Sorry about 2012, when Fred died. I know that was inconvenient for you.”

I would absolutely say this.

I have said something similar and the funny thing is, people like OP’s brother may not even get it. My family member thought it was a genuine apology lolol.