It's been 12 years since FIL passed away

[Anonymous]

That year we had planned to have my family at our house. Within one hour of the call that FIL was dying (5 hours away) we rearranged plans and went to be with dh's family. He was gone two days later. We stayed to be what support we could be for MIL.

It turns out my brother is still mad that we "bailed" on them. He was invited this year and all he said was "Are you sure you'll be there?"

Would you even respond to this? My brother is very much a victim. Everything is worse/harder for him.

[Anonymous]

Ignore. He's not going to change. What a dick.

[Anonymous]

Is he an adult? Is he coming by himself or with a partner and/or any kids?

I’m petty, so I would respond “yes, I’m sure. Sorry about 2012, when Fred died. I know that was inconvenient for you.”

[Anonymous]

You don't need to make it worse. Just say yes, can't wait to see you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he an adult? Is he coming by himself or with a partner and/or any kids?

I’m petty, so I would respond “yes, I’m sure. Sorry about 2012, when Fred died. I know that was inconvenient for you.”

I like you, I am a petty b**** too. Would happily call out my brother on his stupid behavior.

[Anonymous]

And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

[Anonymous]

“Am I ‘sure’ that a close family member won’t die, necessitating us to be there to say goodbye and support the surviving loved ones? No, I’m not sure of that. I am sure that if you don’t apologize right now for being so unbelievably rude to me and insensitive to the loss of my husband’s father, you will never get an invitation to my house again.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

—BoyMom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

He's still bemoaning what he went through 20+ years ago. It was awful, nobody died, and it's been 20+ years. He doesn't really move past anything.

I'm just annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to make it worse. Just say yes, can't wait to see you!

Make it worse? The OP didn't do anything wrong then or now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

He's still bemoaning what he went through 20+ years ago. It was awful, nobody died, and it's been 20+ years. He doesn't really move past anything.

I'm just annoyed.

You don't need to apologize or explain. The only people going around demanding "be kind or else" expect their loved ones to tolerate their bitterness and passive aggressiveness and personality disorders and want us to do the same. They want the world ordered in this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he an adult? Is he coming by himself or with a partner and/or any kids?

I’m petty, so I would respond “yes, I’m sure. Sorry about 2012, when Fred died. I know that was inconvenient for you.”

Op here. I'm biting my tongue on a response very similar. I guess it's safe to say they won't be here since he hasn't actually replied either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

He's still bemoaning what he went through 20+ years ago. It was awful, nobody died, and it's been 20+ years. He doesn't really move past anything.

I'm just annoyed.

You don't need to apologize or explain. The only people going around demanding "be kind or else" expect their loved ones to tolerate their bitterness and passive aggressiveness and personality disorders and want us to do the same. They want the world ordered in this way.

If you've never had or lost a family member to mental illness. Congrats! But, you really shouldn't walk around being an a**hole assuming everyone has a personality disorder and is passive aggressive and want the world ordered in that way. I feel sorry for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

He's still bemoaning what he went through 20+ years ago. It was awful, nobody died, and it's been 20+ years. He doesn't really move past anything.

I'm just annoyed.

You said 12 years ago and now it's 20? Ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

He's still bemoaning what he went through 20+ years ago. It was awful, nobody died, and it's been 20+ years. He doesn't really move past anything.

I'm just annoyed.

You said 12 years ago and now it's 20? Ok.

You're confused.

- FIL passed away 12 years ago.

- My brother had his own issues 20+ years ago. He still hasn't dealt with those issues.