It's been 12 years since FIL passed away

[Anonymous]

Say you can't be sure a close family member won't die again, but you are certain FIL won't. Tell your brother he will have to take that chance.

[Anonymous]

I would be snarky right back to him. “ When you die Joe, I promise I will drop everything be there for your funeral.” Geez, hold a grudge much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

He's still bemoaning what he went through 20+ years ago. It was awful, nobody died, and it's been 20+ years. He doesn't really move past anything.

I'm just annoyed.

You don't need to apologize or explain. The only people going around demanding "be kind or else" expect their loved ones to tolerate their bitterness and passive aggressiveness and personality disorders and want us to do the same. They want the world ordered in this way.

If you've never had or lost a family member to mental illness. Congrats! But, you really shouldn't walk around being an a**hole assuming everyone has a personality disorder and is passive aggressive and want the world ordered in that way. I feel sorry for your kids.

Not everyone has a personality disorder of course. Some do.

Who's kids are you referring to? Confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he an adult? Is he coming by himself or with a partner and/or any kids?

I’m petty, so I would respond “yes, I’m sure. Sorry about 2012, when Fred died. I know that was inconvenient for you.”

This is hilarious and I would totally do it, and I’m generally not even petty. I do have a wicked sense of humor though.

[Anonymous]

Oh please. Call him out on this passive aggressive s h I t.

“Are you still upset from that time in 2012 when Bob’s dad died and we had to go be with his mom? Is that what you’re referring to? If so, what is wrong with you? Just stay home if you can’t regulate yourself.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That year we had planned to have my family at our house. Within one hour of the call that FIL was dying (5 hours away) we rearranged plans and went to be with dh's family. He was gone two days later. We stayed to be what support we could be for MIL.

It turns out my brother is still mad that we "bailed" on them. He was invited this year and all he said was "Are you sure you'll be there?"

Would you even respond to this? My brother is very much a victim. Everything is worse/harder for him.

I have a SIL who is always a victim. I wouldn't be the one to reply, but I can imagine her sister replying "Nope, it's possible someone will die again this year. It's probably not worth you planning on coming, just in case. We'll keep you in our thoughts."

[Anonymous]

At the very least, respond "what do you mean? Why do you ask?" Force him to actually verbalize, in his own words, that he is still upset that you cancelled due to a death in the family 12 years ago. Keep prodding. Get him to come to his own conclusions about himself. If that doesn't work, confront him more directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And please don't be rude or petty. You don't know what he was dealing with back then or even now, OP. It's better to be kind.

12 years in and he's still bellyaching over a perceived (and not an actual) slight. Nah, OP doesn't need to coddle this manbaby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say you can't be sure a close family member won't die again, but you are certain FIL won't. Tell your brother he will have to take that chance.

As tempted as I would be to say something like this, I would ignore. You’re brother’s a snot and you won’t change anything by snarking back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to make it worse. Just say yes, can't wait to see you!

I would just say yes. Not sure about second part lol

[Anonymous]

Ignore

[Anonymous]

I'd respond with "I guess not if someone unexpectedly is dying and dies again. But the good news is if you come and it's your turn to die, I can guarantee I will be here for you!" but my family has that type of humour when someone acts like a rude boor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he an adult? Is he coming by himself or with a partner and/or any kids?

I’m petty, so I would respond “yes, I’m sure. Sorry about 2012, when Fred died. I know that was inconvenient for you.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the very least, respond "what do you mean? Why do you ask?" Force him to actually verbalize, in his own words, that he is still upset that you cancelled due to a death in the family 12 years ago. Keep prodding. Get him to come to his own conclusions about himself. If that doesn't work, confront him more directly.

At least do one of the funny ones, not this BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he an adult? Is he coming by himself or with a partner and/or any kids?

I’m petty, so I would respond “yes, I’m sure. Sorry about 2012, when Fred died. I know that was inconvenient for you.”

This 1000%