ED really has to go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Counselor said she calmed down and will be staying at school, but I am at a loss as to how to handle this situation when we all get home this afternoon and when we get the decision. This really really sucks.

Just hug her and tell her you love her. Maybe she tried to like other schools but the people at her school are being jerks and have stressed her out. She’s a good kid, doing her best, and senior year stress got the best of her today. Being supportive and kind today will show her that you’re there for her when she’s upset- whether it’s justified or not. Give her a hug and eat some ice cream.

[Anonymous]

There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

Or we are not entitled and overwrought, and have some idea of the perspective of this issue compared to problems experienced by other kids or the same age.

[Anonymous]

Please take some deep breaths, for the benefit of your child and yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP - don’t listen to the criticism. Kids are built differently and it sounds like yours is very competitive and has worked very hard. They will end up in a great school that is the right place for them! Whether the RD works out or not, trust that everything will be ok in the end. The hard work WILL pay off. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

Don't enable. Poor kid is having a meltdown because she was given poor guidance. Mom wants to change the system because things didn't work out for THEM.

This is not necessarily true. I have kids who handle stress very differently because they are built differently. This mom-shaming is horrible and ill-placed.

Except this OP seems really wound up and dramatic, which likely isn’t helping the child cope with uncertainty.

[Anonymous]

between you and me (and these other people), your daughter has GOT to realize all these kids work hard, right? she's probably spent time on A2C etc. she must have had some experience w competitive summer programs? competitions? contests? she surely can't have won everything all the time ever? more likely, she didnt' even apply to everything all the time ever. the idea that you even bring up AP is telling. AP is cakewalk for Duke applicants.

to go off on an adult today is really off (so much so, I think you may be a troll)

[Anonymous]

You need to manage expectations. There are 75K kids every year with 4.0+ GPAs and 1500/35 or higher on SAT/ACT, enough to fill every freshman seat in the top 20 schools with room to spare. Not everyone of those kids gets accepted ED.

This is your kids first real job interview. The school's admission team knows what the school needs every year, be that an offensive tackle or tuba player. If your kid meets a need great, if not they will somewhere. sure it is disappointing to work hard toward a goal and not achieve the reward you were expecting, but kids find their place.

If your daughter is rejected ED, then start focusing on where she will fit in, not too late to put in applications at appropriate safeties and target schools.

[Anonymous]

OP, while I understand the instinct to look for someone/something to blame when our children are suffering, ED is not the problem. I’m sorry your daughter and you got bad news. It sucks. Allow her to feel her disappointment but without wallowing in it. Today she probably just wants your hug while she cries. She doesn’t want to hear it’s not the end of the world or there will be other options (although both are true). In a day or two dust yourselves off and talk about what’s next.

For parents who will go through this in the future: always, always have a Plan B and Plan C. For example: our kid ranked the choices, deliberately did not apply EA to #3 so if deferred or declined from ED1 would have then applied ED2 to #3. Meanwhile EA decision to #2 comes out before #3 so if accepted to #2 would have changed #3 from ED to RD. Had acceptance in hand from #4 as it was rolling admission. Fortunately was accepted to ED1 so it became moot…but the point was to have backup plans.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t an ED problem. It’s a parenting problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is an ED issue. Yes, she would be very bummed RD, but she'd have other schools sending news simultaneously. She'd be able to pivot much more quickly. ED rejections make kids wallow in the disappointment for months.

Nah. So many schools have EA now that many kids are getting multiple decisions in December. My kid got two acceptances the week after his ED rejection last year.

Also…rejection is hard, but it’s part of life. You’re not always going to have a distraction from your disappointment, so figuring out how to manage it is a critical life skill.

I told my kid last year when he was rejected from his ED that I was so proud of him for trying, even though it was a long shot. I hope OP can find a similar sentiment to share with her kid if she gets disappointing news.

Sure, lots of schools have EA, but very few of them are near (or even vaguely near) peer schools of an elite place like Duke. For the 'public Ivies', lots of OOS applicants don't hear until January. Yes, you can apply to a public safety and likely hear around the time of a private ED rejection, but it's probably a big fall from one to the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure the fault lies with ED here. Sounds like your daughter got herself a little wrapped around the axle and would be that way regardless of whether ED was an option.

+1. Do you think that she wouldn’t be wound this tight if she was waiting for EA or RD for a decision? Spoiler alert: if she was that invested in such a competitive school and had arranged her whole life around it, this breakdown would have happened at whatever point in the process she was due to find out the decision. Now, if she gets in, she knows early and is done with apps. If not, she has time over the holidays (and not around really awful mean girls who say stuff like this and kids celebrating ED acceptances) to process and recalibrate before EA and submitting RD.

Realize that under these circumstances, the breakdown probably would have come at whatever point the email was sent about decision release (because a school that emails in advance of ED would also email in advance of EA or RD. Maybe it’s better to get this out of her system now. It’s better than all RD schools and having a breakdown on 4/1, especially if she got denied and needed to focus on what school she actually would be attending.

There are some legit critiques of ED, like it favoring wealthy kids who don’t need to compare financial aid. Having mean girl friends and a loser focus on only one school is not the fault of ED. It’s a feature of the entire admissions process. And given how irrationally angry you seem towards ED, which isn’t the actual problem, , it’s hard to believe you aren’t playing a role here too, whether you mean it or not.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate when colleges are honest and say what kind of students get in during ED and if it's even worth your time to apply that way. No one should be wasting an admissions round on a school that isn't even considering their application.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t an ED problem. It’s a parenting problem.

This. This. This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is an ED issue. Yes, she would be very bummed RD, but she'd have other schools sending news simultaneously. She'd be able to pivot much more quickly. ED rejections make kids wallow in the disappointment for months.

Nah. So many schools have EA now that many kids are getting multiple decisions in December. My kid got two acceptances the week after his ED rejection last year.

Also…rejection is hard, but it’s part of life. You’re not always going to have a distraction from your disappointment, so figuring out how to manage it is a critical life skill.

I told my kid last year when he was rejected from his ED that I was so proud of him for trying, even though it was a long shot. I hope OP can find a similar sentiment to share with her kid if she gets disappointing news.

Sure, lots of schools have EA, but very few of them are near (or even vaguely near) peer schools of an elite place like Duke. For the 'public Ivies', lots of OOS applicants don't hear until January. Yes, you can apply to a public safety and likely hear around the time of a private ED rejection, but it's probably a big fall from one to the other.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. My kid was rejected ED from a top 15 school, then got acceptances to a public safety and a private target, both with big merit money. It helped. But my kid also knew he could be happy at either of those schools, even if they weren’t the top choice, and didn’t see prestige as the end-all, be-all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is an ED issue. Yes, she would be very bummed RD, but she'd have other schools sending news simultaneously. She'd be able to pivot much more quickly. ED rejections make kids wallow in the disappointment for months.

Nah. So many schools have EA now that many kids are getting multiple decisions in December. My kid got two acceptances the week after his ED rejection last year.

Also…rejection is hard, but it’s part of life. You’re not always going to have a distraction from your disappointment, so figuring out how to manage it is a critical life skill.

I told my kid last year when he was rejected from his ED that I was so proud of him for trying, even though it was a long shot. I hope OP can find a similar sentiment to share with her kid if she gets disappointing news.

Sure, lots of schools have EA, but very few of them are near (or even vaguely near) peer schools of an elite place like Duke. For the 'public Ivies', lots of OOS applicants don't hear until January. Yes, you can apply to a public safety and likely hear around the time of a private ED rejection, but it's probably a big fall from one to the other.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. My kid was rejected ED from a top 15 school, then got acceptances to a public safety and a private target, both with big merit money. It helped. But my kid also knew he could be happy at either of those schools, even if they weren’t the top choice, and didn’t see prestige as the end-all, be-all.

DP but have you considered for some people it isn't prestige for prestige sake, but a needed aspect of career advancement and access to opportunities. Especially if you want to go to a good grad school, law school, or go into certain industries, you really need that leg up of an application from an elite school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is an ED issue. Yes, she would be very bummed RD, but she'd have other schools sending news simultaneously. She'd be able to pivot much more quickly. ED rejections make kids wallow in the disappointment for months.

Nah. So many schools have EA now that many kids are getting multiple decisions in December. My kid got two acceptances the week after his ED rejection last year.

Also…rejection is hard, but it’s part of life. You’re not always going to have a distraction from your disappointment, so figuring out how to manage it is a critical life skill.

I told my kid last year when he was rejected from his ED that I was so proud of him for trying, even though it was a long shot. I hope OP can find a similar sentiment to share with her kid if she gets disappointing news.

Sure, lots of schools have EA, but very few of them are near (or even vaguely near) peer schools of an elite place like Duke. For the 'public Ivies', lots of OOS applicants don't hear until January. Yes, you can apply to a public safety and likely hear around the time of a private ED rejection, but it's probably a big fall from one to the other.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. My kid was rejected ED from a top 15 school, then got acceptances to a public safety and a private target, both with big merit money. It helped. But my kid also knew he could be happy at either of those schools, even if they weren’t the top choice, and didn’t see prestige as the end-all, be-all.

DP but have you considered for some people it isn't prestige for prestige sake, but a needed aspect of career advancement and access to opportunities. Especially if you want to go to a good grad school, law school, or go into certain industries, you really need that leg up of an application from an elite school.

DP:

No, you need a good undergrad GPA and GRE or LSAT scores.