PSA- Yes, you are a jerk if you don't invite your older parents to Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

I can't relate to someone like you, OP. Some close relatives can be obstreperous or downright abusive. There is no law that states that one is obligated to suffer stress and strife, particularly during the Holiday season. There is no religion, no moral code, no humanistic or ethical point of view, that seeks to push unpleasant guests onto the scene.

Just people like you. I wouldn't invite you either.

Best wishes for the Holiday season.

My parents always invited a maiden aunt who made racist remarks. For twenty years. And we were required to be on our “best behavior”
During the week the elderly relatives visited. And the racist relatives didn’t like Chinese food, things that were spicy, people drinking alcohol. There was one TV so we didn’t get to watch any fun kids Christmas movies, just Lawrence Welk etc. “Keep your voices down.” no, not doing that to my kids.

[Anonymous]

I am so grateful my parents don't insist we travel to them or they travel to us during the holidays. Being able to see them at less stressful (and, yes, cheaper) times is a gift.

[Anonymous]

A few hours? More like they spend 4 days and nights as our houseguests, making things difficult and generally making me dread Christmas. Not this year, sorry. They have 3 other grown children they can spread the love this year and visit one of them for once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so grateful my parents don't insist we travel to them or they travel to us during the holidays. Being able to see them at less stressful (and, yes, cheaper) times is a gift.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There said it. It is a few hours, stop trying to justify being a jerk. We all hate our in-laws and even some of our families, but you model being a decent person once a year.

Lots of families are spread out. It’s a few hours just at the airport waiting to get through security.

+1 its a week and a few thousand dollars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There said it. It is a few hours, stop trying to justify being a jerk. We all hate our in-laws and even some of our families, but you model being a decent person once a year.

It would be nice but you don't have to invite every year if its too much for you. You can't ruin every single Christmas for yourself for next 20-30 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so grateful my parents don't insist we travel to them or they travel to us during the holidays. Being able to see them at less stressful (and, yes, cheaper) times is a gift.

+100! My parents independently figured out that visits during Christmas are stressful and result in less quality time because you have to work around a bunch of stuff -- kids holiday concert, special meals, church, Santa, etc.

We visit them in the summer and it's lovely. We stay longer because kids are off. We relax, spend time outside, don't worry how weather will impact travel, no pressure around gifts or very specific holiday expectations.

Then we do Christmas on our own and facetime them around noon and it's so relaxing.

Holidays with extended family are overrated IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people who abused me? In every way? And have continued to try to ruin my life as an adult? No thanks.

This. I model being a decent person by cutting off those who abuse. Always stick up fir yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. I’m the caregiving kid who spends every day cleaning up after him, while my siblings do nothing for him. I can take one day off to be with my kids at home.

I call bs. Nothing about your post suggests that you give a care about anyone. Good try, but the voices in your head aren’t telling you reality.

If you were really as caregiving as you proclaim, you would take another day off and try to spend Christmas with them (or select another way to celebrate.)

[Anonymous]

TROLL post. Dropped a grenade in this forum and ran.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even worse than the OPs are all the commenters who pretend that the 26th or 27th are just as good as the 24th or 25th (except when it comes to their side of the family, of course).

The OP of one thread today specified she's seeing her parents on the 24th, and she doesn't want to see her in-laws on the 25th. Seems reasonable in this context to offer the 26th. I did not see a recent thread where OPs were truly unfair to their in-laws.

I’m the OP of that thread and don’t appreciate you twisting and leaving out details to suit this thread.

As I said in that thread, we have hosted ILs for years. This year, my FIL was a jerk to my DH and they haven’t spoken since October. Subsequently, I made usual plans with my family on the 24th, because we never visit my family on the 25th, that’s typically reserved for ILs. But this year, since my FIL is a jerk and hasn’t spoken to us, I think it’s time to set the 25th aside and forge our own traditions for once.

Don’t twist my words. Also, don’t be a jerk to your kids and you won’t be in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people who abused me? In every way? And have continued to try to ruin my life as an adult? No thanks.

Yes Larla time to out on your big girl pants and grow up!! Get over it! Their time is short and your kids are watching. You’ll be put out to pasture too!!! So sick of my entitled Gen X friends bragging about cutting off their elderly parents or other crap. Spoiled pigs.

Yes! Your kids are watching! Teach them how to set boundaries with difficult, emotionally abusive people and how not to accept manipulation, insults and tantrums, even if it's family. Big girls and boys know how to respectfully say "no." They know how tor recognize projection and entitlement. Time is short. Toxins, even human ones, impact your health. Boundaries help and beware of those who cannot handle them.

[Anonymous]

I think the advice is better written as:

Be someone your family is EXCITED to spend the holidays with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even worse than the OPs are all the commenters who pretend that the 26th or 27th are just as good as the 24th or 25th (except when it comes to their side of the family, of course).

The OP of one thread today specified she's seeing her parents on the 24th, and she doesn't want to see her in-laws on the 25th. Seems reasonable in this context to offer the 26th. I did not see a recent thread where OPs were truly unfair to their in-laws.

I’m the OP of that thread and don’t appreciate you twisting and leaving out details to suit this thread.

As I said in that thread, we have hosted ILs for years. This year, my FIL was a jerk to my DH and they haven’t spoken since October. Subsequently, I made usual plans with my family on the 24th, because we never visit my family on the 25th, that’s typically reserved for ILs. But this year, since my FIL is a jerk and hasn’t spoken to us, I think it’s time to set the 25th aside and forge our own traditions for once.

Don’t twist my words. Also, don’t be a jerk to your kids and you won’t be in this situation.

PP back to apologize, as I quoted the wrong person! Sorry! I meant to quote the poster you quoted!

[Anonymous]

I'm curious. We have all read about the significant number of GenX kids cutting off their parents. I read an NYT article recently and to me, the person who wrote that book is conducting malpractice. In the case of actual abuse, I am sorry, but it seems like the younger generations never learned grace or to accept that their parents were humans and imperfect. I still have young ones, and love spending time with my parents--yes, even my conservative, annoying mother, so haven't had kids go no-contact yet. But the way things are going, it will probably happen some day. It's so sad to me.