Would you have a first baby at age 50 or 51? Assume a surrogate and $ but not a lot of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. I’m 49 and find two teenagers exhausting. One has been out every single night this Thanksgiving break, meaning we’ve had to wait up until curfew (12:00) to make sure he gets home safely. I can’t imagine doing this at 67!

Will this kid be an only? It would be quite a burden caring for elderly parents (something you have to do no matter how much money is involved) in your 20s, especially alone.

That’s not accurate. Having money makes a huge difference for end of life care. I went through this with my own parents who had $ for the best nursing care. Growing old is never easy, but it is much much easier with tons of $

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is 50? The man or woman?

The woman is 50. She will not carry the child but it is her egg- frozen years ago. And his sperm. He is early 40s.

[Anonymous]

No. I'm 48 and the ship has sailed. Maybe I'll get a dog someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who adopted in early 50s. Child is adorable, but parents are overwhelmed.
Do it with supports in place. If you cannot afford a nanny/babysitters/childcare think it through very carefully. Small kid energy is relentless.

Op. To repeat for the 10th time, this is not for me but for a couple I know. They are wealthy and have no obligations

To me, the question isn't about money -- it's about whether they'll be good parents. Do they think they will be? If so, then they should have the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider the fact that you have gone 50 years only responsible for yourself. I had my first at 36 and my loss of freedom was shocking. Add in loss of sleep, responsibility to keep a helpless infant alive, doctor's appts, change in marital relationship, meeting the demands of a growing human, etc. etc. You will be confused as being the grandparent. The kid will be embarassed of you as a teen (they all are), buy it will be worse because you'll be mid 60's when it happens, with a mid 60 yos aching joints, etc.
Think long and carefully about this. There are other paths to parenthood such as adopting older kids, fostering, fostering to adopt, etc.

Do you have a bio child or did you adopt?

bio child born after 6 years of infertility. I had given up hope and started researching fostering when I became pregnant naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not adopt? y friend was adopted at 2.5 yo by her single, then 54 yo mother. She had an excellent upbringing and, of course, is grateful she was spared growing up in an orphans home/ foster homes.

Do you give this advice to 20- and 30-something’s? If not, why?

Just saying an older parent can adopt and raise a child. A 20-30 something person can likely conceive naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not adopt? y friend was adopted at 2.5 yo by her single, then 54 yo mother. She had an excellent upbringing and, of course, is grateful she was spared growing up in an orphans home/ foster homes.

Do you give this advice to 20- and 30-something’s? If not, why?

Just saying an older parent can adopt and raise a child. A 20-30 something person can likely conceive naturally.

Op here. They are able to have a bio child using a surrogate and her frozen eggs. I don’t think anyone can deny that there is a strong natural urge to have a bio child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not adopt? y friend was adopted at 2.5 yo by her single, then 54 yo mother. She had an excellent upbringing and, of course, is grateful she was spared growing up in an orphans home/ foster homes.

Do you give this advice to 20- and 30-something’s? If not, why?

Just saying an older parent can adopt and raise a child. A 20-30 something person can likely conceive naturally.

and a 25 yo is less likely to be set in their ways, in terms of making the required adjustments to being a good parent. You can't bring a baby in your life and conduct yourself the same. The baby changes how everything is done because they are helpless and needy and the parent has a duty of care.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I had two kids, one at 41 and another at 43. I was viewed as geriatric as a parent by literally everyone. It gets tiring having everyone assume you are the grandparent. It’s hard to find mom friends for me. It’s a lonely road! Money helps but doesn’t solve this. Also, your kids need and want YOU, not the nanny. It’s going to be harder than you imagine. That said it’s your life do do what you want, I’m just relaying my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married?

This is not me who is doing this. It’s a couple I know. Together 4 years

So, you're inviting gossip and condemnation for someone else rather than asking advice for yourself? You seem nice.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I just can’t go a surrogate. Adoption is one thing, surrogate another.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. So incredibly selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married?

This is not me who is doing this. It’s a couple I know. Together 4 years

So they're not married. Oh, that's right, she's 50 and has a younger "partner."

No, I would not encourage this at all. They both sound flighty.

[Anonymous]

Speak to a Dr and get a thorough checkup. Get a life expectancy estimate. Look at your parents and grandparents, their ages of death, cause of death

Put in the effort to keep on top of your health

Top up life insurance

I would pour money into a fulltime nanny to stay with the child until school age with the understanding that if something happens to you she would take over childrearing

Plan for a sibling because you will probably be gone in their 30s at the latest