Would you have a first baby at age 50 or 51? Assume a surrogate and $ but not a lot of

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married?


This is not me who is doing this. It’s a couple I know. Together 4 years
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why not adopt? y friend was adopted at 2.5 yo by her single, then 54 yo mother. She had an excellent upbringing and, of course, is grateful she was spared growing up in an orphans home/ foster homes.


This is a multi layered issue.

There aren't a lot of infants or even toddlers in need of adoption. You aren't just hopping on down to the adoption store to pick out a baby. If op wants to raise a child from infancy or even toddlerhood, it could be faster and less heartbreaking to pay a surrogate.

There are many older kids in foster care in need of adoption. But adopting an older child takes a lot more mental and emotional preparation than having a baby. The majority of older foster kids are dealing with trauma and to put it bluntly, they have behavioral issues because of it. Wanting to be a parent and wanting to adopt an older foster child are two different things entirely.


Op here. Not sure where people started assuming this was me posting for myself. This is a couple I know. They don’t want to adopt, probably for all the reasons listed above. Just as most people on here do not adopt
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hell no.

Only someone who hadn't had kids would think this was a remotely good idea.

You're too old. Get over it. Having a baby at that age is pure narcissism.


Agree. It's pure narcissism. Donate the $100K you would use to buy an egg, sperm, and uterus to medical research.


How is having any child at any age not about narcissism?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Yes! If I had no kids yet, I would do it, asap.



This is what my dh says
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Consider the fact that you have gone 50 years only responsible for yourself. I had my first at 36 and my loss of freedom was shocking. Add in loss of sleep, responsibility to keep a helpless infant alive, doctor's appts, change in marital relationship, meeting the demands of a growing human, etc. etc. You will be confused as being the grandparent. The kid will be embarassed of you as a teen (they all are), buy it will be worse because you'll be mid 60's when it happens, with a mid 60 yos aching joints, etc.
Think long and carefully about this. There are other paths to parenthood such as adopting older kids, fostering, fostering to adopt, etc.


Do you have a bio child or did you adopt?
Anonymous
My husband and I did it. We adopted a baby when I was 48 (turning 49 later that year) and he had just turned 51. We are in good shape w/o any health issues. We excercise regularly and eat a fairly healthy diet.

We are able to do everything younger parents do with their kids. We don’t feel any different than the parents of our son’s kids.

We tried for a long time to have kids and love being parents. We got lucky with out son.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My husband and I did it. We adopted a baby when I was 48 (turning 49 later that year) and he had just turned 51. We are in good shape w/o any health issues. We excercise regularly and eat a fairly healthy diet.

We are able to do everything younger parents do with their kids. We don’t feel any different than the parents of our son’s kids.

We tried for a long time to have kids and love being parents. We got lucky with out son.


This is inspiring, I hope it works out for this couple as well
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Consider the fact that you have gone 50 years only responsible for yourself. I had my first at 36 and my loss of freedom was shocking. Add in loss of sleep, responsibility to keep a helpless infant alive, doctor's appts, change in marital relationship, meeting the demands of a growing human, etc. etc. You will be confused as being the grandparent. The kid will be embarassed of you as a teen (they all are), buy it will be worse because you'll be mid 60's when it happens, with a mid 60 yos aching joints, etc.
Think long and carefully about this. There are other paths to parenthood such as adopting older kids, fostering, fostering to adopt, etc.


This makes no sense. Sure, you can adopt but that maybe shaves a few years off the age consideration, and then adds a huge burden of having a kid with special issues.
Anonymous
Who is 50? The man or woman?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Why not adopt? y friend was adopted at 2.5 yo by her single, then 54 yo mother. She had an excellent upbringing and, of course, is grateful she was spared growing up in an orphans home/ foster homes.


Do you give this advice to 20- and 30-something’s? If not, why?
Anonymous
I know someone who adopted in early 50s. Child is adorable, but parents are overwhelmed.
Do it with supports in place. If you cannot afford a nanny/babysitters/childcare think it through very carefully. Small kid energy is relentless.
Anonymous
Absolutely not. I’m 49 and find two teenagers exhausting. One has been out every single night this Thanksgiving break, meaning we’ve had to wait up until curfew (12:00) to make sure he gets home safely. I can’t imagine doing this at 67!

Will this kid be an only? It would be quite a burden caring for elderly parents (something you have to do no matter how much money is involved) in your 20s, especially alone.
Anonymous
No. I’m sorry, I know you probably really want children, but that is too old. Not fair to the children. You’ve got a roughly 20% chance of dying before your kid is 18.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I know someone who adopted in early 50s. Child is adorable, but parents are overwhelmed.
Do it with supports in place. If you cannot afford a nanny/babysitters/childcare think it through very carefully. Small kid energy is relentless.


Op. To repeat for the 10th time, this is not for me but for a couple I know. They are wealthy and have no obligations
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:No. I’m sorry, I know you probably really want children, but that is too old. Not fair to the children. You’ve got a roughly 20% chance of dying before your kid is 18.


Op here. Again, not me. Someone I know.
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