Husband said he wants a divorce and has been locked up in the guest room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have a conversation with him and ask if he truly wants a divorce. If so, I would say, okay, let's start a separation, see a mediator, agree to 50/50 of assets and custody and be done with it. Litigating with attorneys makes divorce so much worse and gives them money you as a couple would be keeping.

Signed,

Divorced an attorney (we had a mediator draft the agreement; I gave in on some things and took less than 50-50 and hired an attorney to file it. This is how the divorce is "amicable"). Cheap divorce and better in the long run.

You got screwed

Hire your own attorney op

Get copies of all your finances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know your DH. Is he the type to get moody/angry enough to pull something like this and odds are he doesn't mean it and your relationship is otherwise ok?

I mean, if my DH did this, I'd already have an appt with an aggressive family law attorney set up.

OP here. He does this whenever we are in a big argument.

You never had an argument with him before marrying?

Forget “before marrying”. Sounds like they’ve had quite a few since and this behavior doesn’t seem to be enough to get out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a conversation with him and ask if he truly wants a divorce. If so, I would say, okay, let's start a separation, see a mediator, agree to 50/50 of assets and custody and be done with it. Litigating with attorneys makes divorce so much worse and gives them money you as a couple would be keeping.

Signed,

Divorced an attorney (we had a mediator draft the agreement; I gave in on some things and took less than 50-50 and hired an attorney to file it. This is how the divorce is "amicable"). Cheap divorce and better in the long run.

You got screwed

Hire your own attorney op

Get copies of all your finances

I actually didn’t get screwed because in a long-term it’s a better situation and now my kids are going to private school and have all college paid for if we had a normal divorce. It would’ve been truly awful and we would’ve been scrounging for pennies for anything there would’ve been no private school option and I would still be worried about paying for college, I took about $75,000 less and yes it kind of sucks but I think in the end it’s been a better situation and by the way, I did have an attorney and that person who screwed me because she messed up my forms for pension benefits, and my ex has been able to help me get out of it because he’s an attorney if we had divorce the normal way I would not have any pension benefits because of how my attorney screwed up filing paperwork with the Government

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's very mentally unstable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On Sunday he yelled at me saying "this isn't working" and has since been hiding out in the guest room. He locks the door and when he is in the kitchen he ignores me and avoids eye contact. He also walks around with a scowl on his face.

I am getting worried. Should I consult an attorney?

Lay low. Even if he is acting immature.

Consult 2-3 attorneys (options, likely custody terms, child support terms, costs, timing, housing, family budget, mediation options).

Keep a (digital?) log book of everything odd he says or does

Round up 5 years of bank, investment, tax yearend statements and compensation.

Know your options given the above. Wait for him to file or if he acts up more, you file if at peace with the above.

None of this is how it works. Except the consult a few attorneys, who will tell you this isn’t how it works.

Unless you have cause for to file at-fault, you don’t just randomly file for divorce. Most divorces are no-fault, which means you separate and negotiate a marriage settlement agreement for assets and child custody if there are kids. This shouldn’t be hard since it’s basically 50/50 for both.

There’s zero point to keeping a log of weird behavior unless you just need to journal it for your own mental health. Otherwise, that isn’t relevant to anything.

If you do retain attorneys, yes, there will be a demand for all financial records.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he's very mentally unstable.

This sounds like my DH before he was medicated for depression. If something was hard or overwhelming he would go into panic shutdown mode and just quit on the family. Medication has helped a bit but is not magical, and I’m always prepping for divorce knowing that it isn’t a good option until my kids are more independent (since I wouldn’t want them to be alone with him when he has these shutdowns).

[Anonymous]

Set him free.
Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a conversation with him and ask if he truly wants a divorce. If so, I would say, okay, let's start a separation, see a mediator, agree to 50/50 of assets and custody and be done with it. Litigating with attorneys makes divorce so much worse and gives them money you as a couple would be keeping.

Signed,

Divorced an attorney (we had a mediator draft the agreement; I gave in on some things and took less than 50-50 and hired an attorney to file it. This is how the divorce is "amicable"). Cheap divorce and better in the long run.

You got screwed

Hire your own attorney op

Get copies of all your finances

This is poor info. Studies show that divorces with mediation cost 80 percent less, and the parties are happier as it’s quicker and less adversarial. High conflict divorces benefit the attorneys only