Asking husband if it's okay to order certain dishes at dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine asking my husband if it’s ok to order something. But after many years it seems like 80% of the time we order the same thing which kills some of the fun so I will check to see what he’s planning on ordering.

That's not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s another thought. Do they typically share meals and maybe they like to get different entrées so they have variety?

There could be a different explanation that isn’t financial.

Not really. They did share part of a dish, but I kinda egged him on. He had a dish that was shareable.

You sound like a really great “friend”. Why do you even go out with these people? You think she’s a doormat and he’s abusive.

You egged him on to order a more expensive dish than he originally wanted and didn't cover the check? You are the worst kind of friend.

We split the check between my partner and I/my best friend and her husband. The guys paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s another thought. Do they typically share meals and maybe they like to get different entrées so they have variety?

There could be a different explanation that isn’t financial.

Not really. They did share part of a dish, but I kinda egged him on. He had a dish that was shareable.

You sound like a really great “friend”. Why do you even go out with these people? You think she’s a doormat and he’s abusive.

You egged him on to order a more expensive dish than he originally wanted and didn't cover the check? You are the worst kind of friend.

We split the check between my partner and I/my best friend and her husband. The guys paid.

Who picked the restaurant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

She is asking because this is commonplace for them and he obviously holds the purse strings. He is acting flustered because she lacks the social savvy to keep this embarrassing dynamic hidden.

Au contraire she’s calling him out. Cry for help.

Why hide the ridicule and abuse, shine a light on that.

Mmmm. I did think of abuse of some sort. My friend has a bit of a submissive personality, whereas, I'm assertive, so that wouldn't have been a question that I brought to my partner. I also think that my partner and I have a higher hhi.

It sounds like she’s being passive-aggressive.

Sounds like they can't afford it. Who picked the restaurant?

We all agreed upon this restaurant. This is a restaurant that we've all visted in the past, so they were well aware of the price.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She is asking because this is commonplace for them and he obviously holds the purse strings. He is acting flustered because she lacks the social savvy to keep this embarrassing dynamic hidden.

Au contraire she’s calling him out. Cry for help.

Why hide the ridicule and abuse, shine a light on that.

Mmmm. I did think of abuse of some sort. My friend has a bit of a submissive personality, whereas, I'm assertive, so that wouldn't have been a question that I brought to my partner. I also think that my partner and I have a higher hhi.

It sounds like she’s being passive-aggressive.

Sounds like they can't afford it. Who picked the restaurant?

We all agreed upon this restaurant. This is a restaurant that we've all visted in the past, so they were well aware of the price.

He probably warned her not to order anything too expensive. If this is your best friend, you aren't very close if you don't know what is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She is asking because this is commonplace for them and he obviously holds the purse strings. He is acting flustered because she lacks the social savvy to keep this embarrassing dynamic hidden.

+1

[Anonymous]

"Is this common?" You know it isn't if you called it a social faux pas. Why don't you talk to your best friend and ask her what's going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

Agree on the needling dynamic- her comment is a carryover from some argument he started and left hanging (budget, weight, eating out, wanted to stay in, etc).

Also agree USA inflation is real, europe looks cheap now and with strong dollar. Japan a bit too. Go travel everyone!!

This.

He’s playing dumb in public. Don’t be a flying monkey and do his bidding.

[Anonymous]

She was trying to embarrass him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s another thought. Do they typically share meals and maybe they like to get different entrées so they have variety?

There could be a different explanation that isn’t financial.

Not really. They did share part of a dish, but I kinda egged him on. He had a dish that was shareable.

Was this a double date or three of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

Really? We're headed to Switzerland in January and things definitely don't seem cheap!

Switzerland is literally the only country more expensive than the US and that's because of their super low tax rates. Across the board, families pay less taxes in Europe and pay less for a comparable quality of life, than they do in the US. The whole propaganda line "but taxes!" "but death panels!" is so overplayed and inaccurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had dinner over the weekend with a friend and her husband. This was at a semi-expensive establishment; I'd say the bill was between $250–$350 for the four of us. I found it a little odd that my friend kept asking her husband if she could order certain items from the menu. He became flustered and just said, "Get whatever you want." Is this common? Typically, if a restaurant is out of budget, the invitation is declined or an alternative is suggested.

What does your spouse think or pick up on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be very uncomfortable going to an expensive restaurant and would barely order anything. It seems unnecessary to me.

Agree.

I assume a bottle or two of wine was half the bill. Waste of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Is this common?" You know it isn't if you called it a social faux pas. Why don't you talk to your best friend and ask her what's going on?

Right? A best friend isn’t aware that the husband is a controlling jerk? Or maybe this was a one off and they had just had a fight about money and the “nice” wife wanted to play it out in public asking “can I get the tilapia? Huh? Huh?” Making everyone uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s another thought. Do they typically share meals and maybe they like to get different entrées so they have variety?

There could be a different explanation that isn’t financial.

Not really. They did share part of a dish, but I kinda egged him on. He had a dish that was shareable.

Was this a double date or three of you?

OP said her partner was there and the guys split the bill.