Asking husband if it's okay to order certain dishes at dinner

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.




Scandinavian countries pay over 50% tax rate.


No, restaurant tax in Sweden is 25%, but certain things are taxed lower at 12% and 6%, like nonalcoholic drinks and vegetables. Personal property tax is 50% in some regions, it varies. It usually averages 20-35%.
But man, they get what they pay for!

This is the difference. Europeans pay higher taxes, but they also get functioning government services. I pay a lot of tax in the US and get little that directly benefits me on a daily basis in return.


I am honestly curious what items the person purchased in Norway/Sweden/Denmark/Finland that were significantly cheaper than the US. I know alcohol and gasoline aren't...but just wondering how restaurant meals, grocery prices, etc. compare.

What I find completely confounding in the US is the resistance to some kind of socialized/single pay medicine. For some reason, the employee-portion of the healthcare premium (or the ACA premium for some of us) is not considered a "tax" even though it comes out of your paycheck each month and functions just like a tax. You get the added "benefit" of often high co-pays, high deductibles, etc. The US has healthcare deserts just like many places in Canada, yet nobody in any other country ever declares bankruptcy due to healthcare bills...yet those are the #1 cause of personal bankruptcy in the US.

You also have plenty of employers that would love to get out of the business of providing health insurance as well.


Yes! I’m all for socialized medicine.
Anonymous
The people who think Europe prices are cheaper have to show specific examples (and not just the dollar is strong). European food prices have always been expensive.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My xH used to yell at me after we left a restaurant if I ordered anything he deemed too expensive. And we weren’t going to fancy places, we were going to, like, Applebees, and he’d get mad if I ordered a $2 soda instead of water.

Whenever I see a woman ask permission to spend money like this, I think it’s because her H controls the money and gets upset if she spends too much of “his” money.

This is what I was thinking.
Anonymous
Stay on topic please. Posts about Europe don’t have anything to do with the OP.

OP, do you ever see the wife without the husband? Ask her why she asked him about every decision? I agree, something is off.
Anonymous
I’d be very uncomfortable going to an expensive restaurant and would barely order anything. It seems unnecessary to me.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Here’s another thought. Do they typically share meals and maybe they like to get different entrées so they have variety?

There could be a different explanation that isn’t financial.


Not really. They did share part of a dish, but I kinda egged him on. He had a dish that was shareable.


You sound like a really great “friend”. Why do you even go out with these people? You think she’s a doormat and he’s abusive.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.




Scandinavian countries pay over 50% tax rate.


No, restaurant tax in Sweden is 25%, but certain things are taxed lower at 12% and 6%, like nonalcoholic drinks and vegetables. Personal property tax is 50% in some regions, it varies. It usually averages 20-35%.
But man, they get what they pay for!

This is the difference. Europeans pay higher taxes, but they also get functioning government services. I pay a lot of tax in the US and get little that directly benefits me on a daily basis in return.


I am honestly curious what items the person purchased in Norway/Sweden/Denmark/Finland that were significantly cheaper than the US. I know alcohol and gasoline aren't...but just wondering how restaurant meals, grocery prices, etc. compare.

What I find completely confounding in the US is the resistance to some kind of socialized/single pay medicine. For some reason, the employee-portion of the healthcare premium (or the ACA premium for some of us) is not considered a "tax" even though it comes out of your paycheck each month and functions just like a tax. You get the added "benefit" of often high co-pays, high deductibles, etc. The US has healthcare deserts just like many places in Canada, yet nobody in any other country ever declares bankruptcy due to healthcare bills...yet those are the #1 cause of personal bankruptcy in the US.

You also have plenty of employers that would love to get out of the business of providing health insurance as well.


Yes! I’m all for socialized medicine.


No, we have tricare and it’s a nightmare. Begging for help for years and cannot get it. Doctors blow you off, spend a fortune privately paying for things and at best you cannot get an appointment in under 3-4 months. I cannot even get an appointment for a mammogram. My ct is two months out.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

She is asking because this is commonplace for them and he obviously holds the purse strings. He is acting flustered because she lacks the social savvy to keep this embarrassing dynamic hidden.


Au contraire she’s calling him out. Cry for help.

Why hide the ridicule and abuse, shine a light on that.


Mmmm. I did think of abuse of some sort. My friend has a bit of a submissive personality, whereas, I'm assertive, so that wouldn't have been a question that I brought to my partner. I also think that my partner and I have a higher hhi.


It sounds like she’s being passive-aggressive.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My xH used to yell at me after we left a restaurant if I ordered anything he deemed too expensive. And we weren’t going to fancy places, we were going to, like, Applebees, and he’d get mad if I ordered a $2 soda instead of water.

Whenever I see a woman ask permission to spend money like this, I think it’s because her H controls the money and gets upset if she spends too much of “his” money.


This. My friend's ex was very controlling about money. Seemed normal in front of others but would reprimand her at home and badmouth her as a spendthrift to the kids.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

She is asking because this is commonplace for them and he obviously holds the purse strings. He is acting flustered because she lacks the social savvy to keep this embarrassing dynamic hidden.


Au contraire she’s calling him out. Cry for help.

Why hide the ridicule and abuse, shine a light on that.


Mmmm. I did think of abuse of some sort. My friend has a bit of a submissive personality, whereas, I'm assertive, so that wouldn't have been a question that I brought to my partner. I also think that my partner and I have a higher hhi.


It sounds like she’s being passive-aggressive.


Sounds like they can't afford it. Who picked the restaurant?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Here’s another thought. Do they typically share meals and maybe they like to get different entrées so they have variety?

There could be a different explanation that isn’t financial.


Not really. They did share part of a dish, but I kinda egged him on. He had a dish that was shareable.


You sound like a really great “friend”. Why do you even go out with these people? You think she’s a doormat and he’s abusive.


You egged him on to order a more expensive dish than he originally wanted and didn't cover the check? You are the worst kind of friend.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

Really? We're headed to Switzerland in January and things definitely don't sem cheap!

I got back from Switzerland yesterday. It's not cheap

I was there this year and found our dinner checks were much less than here. Many other things were expensive but the meals were not.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:

She is asking because this is commonplace for them and he obviously holds the purse strings. He is acting flustered because she lacks the social savvy to keep this embarrassing dynamic hidden.


Or to be more blunt, he might be a controlling jerk, but is one of those "great nice guys" in public who she is so lucky to be married to!!

She is terrified that once they're at home, out of public view, he is going to be furious that she ordered the expensive app, instead of the petite salad, and the special at market price, instead of chicken. It's less social savvy and more that she's lived through this experience before. OP, keep an eye on your friend for any signs of emotional abuse.
Anonymous
I can’t imagine asking my husband if it’s ok to order something. But after many years it seems like 80% of the time we order the same thing which kills some of the fun so I will check to see what he’s planning on ordering.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Here’s another thought. Do they typically share meals and maybe they like to get different entrées so they have variety?

There could be a different explanation that isn’t financial.


Not really. They did share part of a dish, but I kinda egged him on. He had a dish that was shareable.


You sound like a really great “friend”. Why do you even go out with these people? You think she’s a doormat and he’s abusive.


+1
The "let's analyze whats wrong with these other people" posts are kind of gross, especially those with budgeting concerns
post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Message Quick Reply
Go to: