Asking husband if it's okay to order certain dishes at dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

Agree on the needling dynamic- her comment is a carryover from some argument he started and left hanging (budget, weight, eating out, wanted to stay in, etc).

Also agree USA inflation is real, europe looks cheap now and with strong dollar. Japan a bit too. Go travel everyone!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are sub-Dom or finDom relationship.

Even if they are, it's not thoughtful to drag other people into it. And usually in finDom relationships it's the woman who controls the purse strings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She is asking because this is commonplace for them and he obviously holds the purse strings. He is acting flustered because she lacks the social savvy to keep this embarrassing dynamic hidden.

Au contraire she’s calling him out. Cry for help.

Why hide the ridicule and abuse, shine a light on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are sub-Dom or finDom relationship.

Even if they are, it's not thoughtful to drag other people into it. And usually in finDom relationships it's the woman who controls the purse strings!

Exactly. Much more thoughtful to leave that behind closed doors at home. Just like he wants.

[Anonymous]

Here’s another thought. Do they typically share meals and maybe they like to get different entrées so they have variety?

There could be a different explanation that isn’t financial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s another thought. Do they typically share meals and maybe they like to get different entrées so they have variety?

There could be a different explanation that isn’t financial.

Not really. They did share part of a dish, but I kinda egged him on. He had a dish that was shareable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She is asking because this is commonplace for them and he obviously holds the purse strings. He is acting flustered because she lacks the social savvy to keep this embarrassing dynamic hidden.

Au contraire she’s calling him out. Cry for help.

Why hide the ridicule and abuse, shine a light on that.

Mmmm. I did think of abuse of some sort. My friend has a bit of a submissive personality, whereas, I'm assertive, so that wouldn't have been a question that I brought to my partner. I also think that my partner and I have a higher hhi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe just facing a big college tuition bill. My wife didn’t want to order ubereats Friday and drove to get takeout because we had received our son’s $25k spring college bill. She saved $9 on delivery and felt better.

My husband does this. When he is stressed about money, he reverts to doing the things we did to cut costs in grad school. ie. minimizing the toppings on our pizza or brown bagging lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

Scandinavian countries pay over 50% tax rate.

No, restaurant tax in Sweden is 25%, but certain things are taxed lower at 12% and 6%, like nonalcoholic drinks and vegetables. Personal property tax is 50% in some regions, it varies. It usually averages 20-35%.
But man, they get what they pay for!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

Really? We're headed to Switzerland in January and things definitely don't sem cheap!

I got back from Switzerland yesterday. It's not cheap

[Anonymous]

I honestly think he’s an abusive jerk who has likely made her “pay” for ordering $$ things before. She is terrified and wants to let him decide so she can stop being afraid of retribution. Sadly, I guarantee she “paid” for her hesitancy. If he got flustered, it’s too late at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

Scandinavian countries pay over 50% tax rate.

No, restaurant tax in Sweden is 25%, but certain things are taxed lower at 12% and 6%, like nonalcoholic drinks and vegetables. Personal property tax is 50% in some regions, it varies. It usually averages 20-35%.
But man, they get what they pay for!

This is the difference. Europeans pay higher taxes, but they also get functioning government services. I pay a lot of tax in the US and get little that directly benefits me on a daily basis in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had dinner over the weekend with a friend and her husband. This was at a semi-expensive establishment; I'd say the bill was between $250–$350 for the four of us. I found it a little odd that my friend kept asking her husband if she could order certain items from the menu. He became flustered and just said, "Get whatever you want." Is this common? Typically, if a restaurant is out of budget, the invitation is declined or an alternative is suggested.

It doesn't matter what their personal or financial issues are, she should be able to order within her budget without making a show in front of company or waiter. Rude.

[Anonymous]

If she has a marital problem, she should handle it like an adult with her DH, their accountant, her lawyer or her therapist. Dinner guests or waiters doesn't need to be pulled in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

Scandinavian countries pay over 50% tax rate.

No, restaurant tax in Sweden is 25%, but certain things are taxed lower at 12% and 6%, like nonalcoholic drinks and vegetables. Personal property tax is 50% in some regions, it varies. It usually averages 20-35%.
But man, they get what they pay for!

This is the difference. Europeans pay higher taxes, but they also get functioning government services. I pay a lot of tax in the US and get little that directly benefits me on a daily basis in return.

I am honestly curious what items the person purchased in Norway/Sweden/Denmark/Finland that were significantly cheaper than the US. I know alcohol and gasoline aren't...but just wondering how restaurant meals, grocery prices, etc. compare.

What I find completely confounding in the US is the resistance to some kind of socialized/single pay medicine. For some reason, the employee-portion of the healthcare premium (or the ACA premium for some of us) is not considered a "tax" even though it comes out of your paycheck each month and functions just like a tax. You get the added "benefit" of often high co-pays, high deductibles, etc. The US has healthcare deserts just like many places in Canada, yet nobody in any other country ever declares bankruptcy due to healthcare bills...yet those are the #1 cause of personal bankruptcy in the US.

You also have plenty of employers that would love to get out of the business of providing health insurance as well.