Asking husband if it's okay to order certain dishes at dinner

[Anonymous]

I had dinner over the weekend with a friend and her husband. This was at a semi-expensive establishment; I'd say the bill was between $250–$350 for the four of us. I found it a little odd that my friend kept asking her husband if she could order certain items from the menu. He became flustered and just said, "Get whatever you want." Is this common? Typically, if a restaurant is out of budget, the invitation is declined or an alternative is suggested.

[Anonymous]

if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

[Anonymous]

I’m running to this with woman I have dated. If they grew up lower economic situation, it’s uncomfortable for them and they don’t want to assume it’s a hard habit to break.

[Anonymous]

She is asking because this is commonplace for them and he obviously holds the purse strings. He is acting flustered because she lacks the social savvy to keep this embarrassing dynamic hidden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

Scandinavian countries pay over 50% tax rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She is asking because this is commonplace for them and he obviously holds the purse strings. He is acting flustered because she lacks the social savvy to keep this embarrassing dynamic hidden.

Op here. I will admit, it is social faux pas. I felt a bit awkward.

[Anonymous]

My xH used to yell at me after we left a restaurant if I ordered anything he deemed too expensive. And we weren’t going to fancy places, we were going to, like, Applebees, and he’d get mad if I ordered a $2 soda instead of water.

Whenever I see a woman ask permission to spend money like this, I think it’s because her H controls the money and gets upset if she spends too much of “his” money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

I agree that it seems like they are in the middle of a fight about money.

[Anonymous]

maybe just facing a big college tuition bill. My wife didn’t want to order ubereats Friday and drove to get takeout because we had received our son’s $25k spring college bill. She saved $9 on delivery and felt better.

[Anonymous]

Or maybe she’s just bad about finances and they don’t usually eat at semi expensive places like that, and she’s genuinely looking to her dh to confirm if items are insanely expensive. And he’s annoyed because it’s embarrassing and she’s a grown up and should be able to do the math herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe just facing a big college tuition bill. My wife didn’t want to order ubereats Friday and drove to get takeout because we had received our son’s $25k spring college bill. She saved $9 on delivery and felt better.

They don't have kids. They've also been together since college and we're about 40 now. So well established in our careers.

[Anonymous]

This suggests they are not at all on the same page about spending, and are aware of it. They also failed to have a specific discussion about menu prices before meeting up with you, and she's worried about going over some financial comfort level he has, resulting in later conflict - no doubt based on past experience. Unfortunate, but MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Yes I'm sure it was awkward.
Yes you should have some empathy.

People have different behaviors about money and as long as you don't suspect abuse, it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are sub-Dom or finDom relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if he got flustefred it means they had a fight about money and shes just needling him. I hope you ignored. A lot of people are stressed over money these days. I just moved to europe and cant believe how absolutely CHEAP everything is comparatively. the scandanavian countries are like 20 percent cheaper for everything and they havnet gotten cheaper, the US has just gotten so insanely expensive.

Really? We're headed to Switzerland in January and things definitely don't seem cheap!