Lonely college students

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, it's parents being more aware and having social media to complain to.

I never told my parents what my life was like in college.

I ask DC if they have friends they hang out with.

+1 I had a really hard time making friends first year of college. Didn't really find my groove until well into 2nd year. I didn't talk to my parents about it.

+1

30+ years ago I had the freshman roommate from hell (think talking on phone at 2am loudly, come into room at midnight, turn on music and all the lights despite me attempting to sleep for my 8am-12pm set of 4 classes, basically rude, inconsiderate and not willing to adjust// the best part (sarcasm) was them setting their alarm for 3am to "study for an exam at 11am" and hitting snooze forever---It was still snoozing every 10 mins when I left at 7:30am). Same roommate's older brother was best friends with our RA (so basically he was useless and I didn't trust anything I told him to not be repeated back to my roommate). My parents had no clue. They didn't know that I spent 3-4 days at a time (I did it 3 different times) during fall quarter living on the floor of a senior friend who had a single (our major was small and the upperclassmen were very supportive) because I needed a break from the craziness and had to learn how to navigate and deal with someone like my roommate.

But do you think this was something you should have had to deal with on your own? I get that helicopter parents have no place in college, but there's a middle ground. I think it's sad that you felt like you had to deal with this on your own.

[Anonymous]

I am not a helicopter parent and I am uninvolved. I don’t participate on these Facebook groups.

I have a lonely freshman in college. I feel
sad for him because in chatting with his roommate before school started, he was convinced that he would be good friends with his roommate. However, his roommate already had a group and friends. My son has no friends and has expressed sadness over it. I had a feeling this would happen, as he has social anxiety and comes across as not approachable. Completely different from his younger HS brother who already has friends at this same college and hangs out with them during visits.

I will always be there to offer emotional support for my son. I know how important it is to have a shoulder to lean on just to vent. I don’t get any emotional support from my own mother and it negatively impacts me. I will not do that to my son. Please have some empathy for these kids that have a hard time making friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, it's parents being more aware and having social media to complain to.

I never told my parents what my life was like in college.

I ask DC if they have friends they hang out with.

+1 I had a really hard time making friends first year of college. Didn't really find my groove until well into 2nd year. I didn't talk to my parents about it.

+1

30+ years ago I had the freshman roommate from hell (think talking on phone at 2am loudly, come into room at midnight, turn on music and all the lights despite me attempting to sleep for my 8am-12pm set of 4 classes, basically rude, inconsiderate and not willing to adjust// the best part (sarcasm) was them setting their alarm for 3am to "study for an exam at 11am" and hitting snooze forever---It was still snoozing every 10 mins when I left at 7:30am). Same roommate's older brother was best friends with our RA (so basically he was useless and I didn't trust anything I told him to not be repeated back to my roommate). My parents had no clue. They didn't know that I spent 3-4 days at a time (I did it 3 different times) during fall quarter living on the floor of a senior friend who had a single (our major was small and the upperclassmen were very supportive) because I needed a break from the craziness and had to learn how to navigate and deal with someone like my roommate.

But do you think this was something you should have had to deal with on your own? I get that helicopter parents have no place in college, but there's a middle ground. I think it's sad that you felt like you had to deal with this on your own.

DP. I don’t think that’s sad at all. They found a solution, albeit an uncomfortable one. That’s where real resilience and resourcefulness is born. And they found it entirely among peers.

What we’re seeing now is young people who can’t count on each other to figure anything out. They only look upward for solutions—parents, teachers, coaches. Like they don’t trust themselves or each other. That’s not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a helicopter parent and I am uninvolved. I don’t participate on these Facebook groups.

I have a lonely freshman in college. I feel
sad for him because in chatting with his roommate before school started, he was convinced that he would be good friends with his roommate. However, his roommate already had a group and friends. My son has no friends and has expressed sadness over it. I had a feeling this would happen, as he has social anxiety and comes across as not approachable. Completely different from his younger HS brother who already has friends at this same college and hangs out with them during visits.

I will always be there to offer emotional support for my son. I know how important it is to have a shoulder to lean on just to vent. I don’t get any emotional support from my own mother and it negatively impacts me. I will not do that to my son. Please have some empathy for these kids that have a hard time making friends.

That's exactly the problem. You should have been much more involved when he was young by encouraging him to become a good athlete, musician, artist, etc... In other words, you should have encouraged him to be the best version of himself so that "men want to be him and women want to be with him." by the time he leaves home for college. It is probably too late now.

[Anonymous]

Part of the loneliness is that these kids have not been socialized to be good hosts and good guests. They are isolated because their parents have not taught them how to exist in a society and form connections. COVID isolation made this very clear. If you did not have a culture of hosting and reciprocating then you were doomed.

Second part is the gender. Boys tend to not seek out connections with others if they do not have the prop of work or hobby. They are quite awkward. They would rather play video games.

Third part is complicated. It is a mixture of social media, SES issues, culture issues, non-existent previous network, a culture that only values connections with opposite gender in terms of sexual conquests...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a helicopter parent and I am uninvolved. I don’t participate on these Facebook groups.

I have a lonely freshman in college. I feel
sad for him because in chatting with his roommate before school started, he was convinced that he would be good friends with his roommate. However, his roommate already had a group and friends. My son has no friends and has expressed sadness over it. I had a feeling this would happen, as he has social anxiety and comes across as not approachable. Completely different from his younger HS brother who already has friends at this same college and hangs out with them during visits.

I will always be there to offer emotional support for my son. I know how important it is to have a shoulder to lean on just to vent. I don’t get any emotional support from my own mother and it negatively impacts me. I will not do that to my son. Please have some empathy for these kids that have a hard time making friends.

That's exactly the problem. You should have been much more involved when he was young by encouraging him to become a good athlete, musician, artist, etc... In other words, you should have encouraged him to be the best version of himself so that "men want to be him and women want to be with him." by the time he leaves home for college. It is probably too late now.

This is absurd. No one is their fully realized self at the age of 18. Some boys haven't even finished growing yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was our parent's expectation that we would adjust, that it would take time .. like months, and that it was normal to be a bit lonely. You work through those feelings. You reach out to other students, walk down the hall, knock on doors. Introduce yourself. It's not completely comfortable, live isn't.

It was our parent's expectation that we not visit home before Thanksgiving. Unless there is some dire health emergency, it should be assumed that the adjustment to college takes months.

Most parents expect kids to manage. However, some kids need more than expectations. There is a reason mental health issues are soaring in college age kids and suicides happen at many colleges.

And the reason is…??

I know, it’s complicated. But I think it’s loneliness. Kids are starved for normal human interaction. Deep conversations. Non judgmental friends. Acceptance. Humor. Fun.

Many lack the muscle that can get them there because they’ve been raised on screens and raised in a culture than pushed kids into organized sports and activities instead of playing, exploring, and having agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a helicopter parent and I am uninvolved. I don’t participate on these Facebook groups.

I have a lonely freshman in college. I feel
sad for him because in chatting with his roommate before school started, he was convinced that he would be good friends with his roommate. However, his roommate already had a group and friends. My son has no friends and has expressed sadness over it. I had a feeling this would happen, as he has social anxiety and comes across as not approachable. Completely different from his younger HS brother who already has friends at this same college and hangs out with them during visits.

I will always be there to offer emotional support for my son. I know how important it is to have a shoulder to lean on just to vent. I don’t get any emotional support from my own mother and it negatively impacts me. I will not do that to my son. Please have some empathy for these kids that have a hard time making friends.

That's exactly the problem. You should have been much more involved when he was young by encouraging him to become a good athlete, musician, artist, etc... In other words, you should have encouraged him to be the best version of himself so that "men want to be him and women want to be with him." by the time he leaves home for college. It is probably too late now.

Don't you always post this same thing? Jeez - not everyone can just pick up basketball or the violin or ceramics and attract all the women (I mean, I know how many men are jealous of the good violin players and artistes)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish there was a way to take everyone’s phone away just for the first 4 weeks, to let them get out of their comfort zones and bond. Like at summer camp.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a helicopter parent and I am uninvolved. I don’t participate on these Facebook groups.

I have a lonely freshman in college. I feel
sad for him because in chatting with his roommate before school started, he was convinced that he would be good friends with his roommate. However, his roommate already had a group and friends. My son has no friends and has expressed sadness over it. I had a feeling this would happen, as he has social anxiety and comes across as not approachable. Completely different from his younger HS brother who already has friends at this same college and hangs out with them during visits.

I will always be there to offer emotional support for my son. I know how important it is to have a shoulder to lean on just to vent. I don’t get any emotional support from my own mother and it negatively impacts me. I will not do that to my son. Please have some empathy for these kids that have a hard time making friends.

That's exactly the problem. You should have been much more involved when he was young by encouraging him to become a good athlete, musician, artist, etc... In other words, you should have encouraged him to be the best version of himself so that "men want to be him and women want to be with him." by the time he leaves home for college. It is probably too late now.

Don't you always post this same thing? Jeez - not everyone can just pick up basketball or the violin or ceramics and attract all the women (I mean, I know how many men are jealous of the good violin players and artistes)

LOL. Women like guys who play guitars, not those violin losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a helicopter parent and I am uninvolved. I don’t participate on these Facebook groups.

I have a lonely freshman in college. I feel
sad for him because in chatting with his roommate before school started, he was convinced that he would be good friends with his roommate. However, his roommate already had a group and friends. My son has no friends and has expressed sadness over it. I had a feeling this would happen, as he has social anxiety and comes across as not approachable. Completely different from his younger HS brother who already has friends at this same college and hangs out with them during visits.

I will always be there to offer emotional support for my son. I know how important it is to have a shoulder to lean on just to vent. I don’t get any emotional support from my own mother and it negatively impacts me. I will not do that to my son. Please have some empathy for these kids that have a hard time making friends.

That's exactly the problem. You should have been much more involved when he was young by encouraging him to become a good athlete, musician, artist, etc... In other words, you should have encouraged him to be the best version of himself so that "men want to be him and women want to be with him." by the time he leaves home for college. It is probably too late now.

Don't you always post this same thing? Jeez - not everyone can just pick up basketball or the violin or ceramics and attract all the women (I mean, I know how many men are jealous of the good violin players and artistes)

LOL. Women like guys who play guitars, not those violin losers.

Most rock stars admit they were considered losers in HS. Women like successful musicians period…it’s just that a successful violinist isn’t monetarily all that successful in the scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

As relationships, engagements and marriages are looked down upon and young men and women are told to stay single and avoid committing until they are in their early 30's, loneliness is bound to happen. Hook ups don't provide emotional connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. Women like guys who play guitars, not those violin losers.

Most rock stars admit they were considered losers in HS. Women like successful musicians period…it’s just that a successful violinist isn’t monetarily all that successful in the scheme of things.

"Rock stars" NOT violinist, big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. Women like guys who play guitars, not those violin losers.

Most rock stars admit they were considered losers in HS. Women like successful musicians period…it’s just that a successful violinist isn’t monetarily all that successful in the scheme of things.

"Rock stars" NOT violinist, big difference.

I get it…just pointing out that the HS guitarists weren’t exactly BMOC either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an opposite problem. My college freshman DS is probably having too much fun at UVA as a recruited athlete. He is telling his high school senior brother, via text, that he has slept with at least 40 women since the semester begun. He said that having sex with women is so easy as a D1 athlete. I am very worried about my DS.

Boys lie and exaggerate with locker room talk like that. 40 girls in one semester, even at a large campus, would cause all kinda catfighting and more.