Lonely college students

[Anonymous]

I’m on the parent Facebook group for my kid’s college. Almost every week, someone posts about how their child is feeling isolated, hasn’t made close friends, is bored and lonely etc. My child complains of similar adjustment issues, even though they never had trouble finding friends and activities in the past.
Is it something about their particular college? Is it that their generation doesn’t know how to make friends? Is it that the parents on the Facebook group are self-selected to be more anxious about their kid’s adjustment and 90% of the students are doing just great?

[Anonymous]

IMO, it's parents being more aware and having social media to complain to.

I never told my parents what my life was like in college.

I ask DC if they have friends they hang out with.

[Anonymous]

parents on the Facebook group are self-selected to be more anxious about their kid’s adjustment

This. You don't belong there. This group shouldn't exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

parents on the Facebook group are self-selected to be more anxious about their kid’s adjustment

This. You don't belong there. This group shouldn't exist.

+1. This is so ridiculous. Get a life and let your kid build theirs.

[Anonymous]

It’s my understanding that a lot of kids are indeed lonely, it’s true

[Anonymous]

It’s the phones and the ability to be online at any time. It’s changed how they interact with one another. Introverts aren’t forced into face-to-face interactions like they were when we were in college. It’s easier to hide.

[Anonymous]

They can now see on their phones what their high school friends are doing and they can keep in touch too much with them so there is less motivation to make friends at college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO, it's parents being more aware and having social media to complain to.

I never told my parents what my life was like in college.

I ask DC if they have friends they hang out with.

+1 I had a really hard time making friends first year of college. Didn't really find my groove until well into 2nd year. I didn't talk to my parents about it.

[Anonymous]

I didn't make any friends beyond one in my fall semester of college. I was literally the only person who didn't drink alcohol. And since I didn't drink, I didn't want to go to bars and be around drunk people. So I had my one friend (who I honestly didn't even like that much, but she was pleasant enough) and we went to the movies or walked around downtown or hung out in a lounge watching tv.

There was even a big poster board up on the wall on my floor with everyone's name on it, and everyone got a gold star each time they drank enough to puke. And next to my star-less name it said LOSER in huge letters. There'd been no indication this was a party school or a party dorm or anything.

If I knew my mother talked about me publicly I'd have never told her anything. As it was all I told her was that the kids around me acted like animals that had just gotten out of cages.

[Anonymous]

I suspect it's a self-selective group, but the phone culture had made it harder for some kids.

One of the benefits of having a mom who did the whole golden child/scapegoat is that as the scapegoat, to survive I was good at making friends (maybe too much of a people-pleaser and chameleon) because I yearned for connection, a sense of belonging and some feeling of family. I almost wonder if now that we are more psychologically savy and people get therapy when they need to, kids are being raised in more loving homes and so it takes longer to adjust to college. Some of my friends with truly loving parents took longer to adjust to college and missed a lot at first. The good news is they adjusted and they continued to have strong relationships with their parents.

[Anonymous]

I wish there was a way to take everyone’s phone away just for the first 4 weeks, to let them get out of their comfort zones and bond. Like at summer camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish there was a way to take everyone’s phone away just for the first 4 weeks, to let them get out of their comfort zones and bond. Like at summer camp.

They should. My kid is at a high school with a phone ban and the teachers said it's amazing what they are seeing. Teens are connecting more again and much more socially appropriate with eachother.

I go on reddit boards to find out about colleges and found it interesting some teens post saying they are looking for friends. In college, we found all our friends on our hallway, in class, and at clubs. Then we made more friends through friends of friends. We had no cell phones then so when we arrived at class/a club/lunch we spoke to eachother.

[Anonymous]

Technology has made more people addicts to it, and by extension more isolated.

Ironic but true.

[Anonymous]

They do take phones away or limit use in some colleges during orientation week.

[Anonymous]

Residential college system is helpful in this regard.