Lonely college students

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, it's parents being more aware and having social media to complain to.

I never told my parents what my life was like in college.

I ask DC if they have friends they hang out with.

+1 I had a really hard time making friends first year of college. Didn't really find my groove until well into 2nd year. I didn't talk to my parents about it.

+ 2. I had these issues as a freshman when cell phones and the Internet weren’t factors. My parents only knew what I told them during a weekly phone call, which wasn’t much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a helicopter parent and I am uninvolved. I don’t participate on these Facebook groups.

I have a lonely freshman in college. I feel
sad for him because in chatting with his roommate before school started, he was convinced that he would be good friends with his roommate. However, his roommate already had a group and friends. My son has no friends and has expressed sadness over it. I had a feeling this would happen, as he has social anxiety and comes across as not approachable. Completely different from his younger HS brother who already has friends at this same college and hangs out with them during visits.

I will always be there to offer emotional support for my son. I know how important it is to have a shoulder to lean on just to vent. I don’t get any emotional support from my own mother and it negatively impacts me. I will not do that to my son. Please have some empathy for these kids that have a hard time making friends.

I’m so sorry. My dd doesn’t have any friends . And she’s a junior. Longish story, but health problems caused chaos the first few years . She transferred because it was so miserable and she finally made some headway with her health. Not perfect, but she at least wants to socialize a bit. Now she has no friends at the new school.

A few observations- there is much more homogeneous/like for like groups than I expected. I was shocked that the groups still segregate by race/class/ethnicity to this degree. There are no open doors at all in dorms. We’ve been in 4 of them now. Not 1 open door. There are no people hanging in lounges or watching tv or playing ping pong. Once kids get their groups, they join clubs together and speak to each other. They also stack the club leadership with friends. I think kids are less observant and dont really pay attention to anything around them. My dd was outside crying at night and not 1 person asked if she was ok . The rec sports leagues (not club- just for fun) require already formed groups to join together as teams. These observations held at both a very large school and a midsize. Introverts and kids who don’t like to party, yet aren’t into d&d or similar have a very tough time. I was extremely shy , but people were always around and seemed to actually care /ask if I wanted to go along for dinner or whatever. She never even met her new RA until they came last week for inspection!!

Thanks for listening. I’m at a loss and will also continue to support my kid. I’m her only safe space and would never ever want her to feel even more alone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an opposite problem. My college freshman DS is probably having too much fun at UVA as a recruited athlete. He is telling his high school senior brother, via text, that he has slept with at least 40 women since the semester begun. He said that having sex with women is so easy as a D1 athlete. I am very worried about my DS.

Boys lie and exaggerate with locker room talk like that. 40 girls in one semester, even at a large campus, would cause all kinda catfighting and more.

Have you ever been on UVA campus lately, especially after a football game? Athletes have their picking at these freshman women.

[Anonymous]

Being lonely is probably better than befriending people with bad habits like drinking, drugs, cruel pranks, shoplifting, sexual predatoing, hazing etc

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why they need to make friends, it’s only a few years of 9 months at college and then off to a whole new world- true friends can be few and far between in real life. “Acquaintances” that one can hang out with are a dime a dozen.

[Anonymous]

Smaller privates with residential colleges, quads instead of single rooms, group activities , greek life, hobby clubs, intramural instead of sports craze, service mindset, tend to have more inclusive environment.

[Anonymous]

Freshman at colder and snowy campuses in smaller college towns, tend to have bad first winter.

[Anonymous]

Smaller student communities, shared dorm rooms, urban campuses with lots to do, warmer climate give you more opportunities to socialize more and experience college life.

[Anonymous]

Don't colleges have club fairs or whatever at the beginning of every year...chess club, folk dance club, drama club, etc. Next year GO and sign up.
In meantime ask if drama club needs stage hands, etc,

[Anonymous]

Clubs can be competitive for entry. They rarely accept freshmen.
Small colleges often lack clubs.
Shared dorm rooms are pretty horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Freshman at colder and snowy campuses in smaller college towns, tend to have bad first winter.

This was the case for my DD at a small LAC in PA. Definitely felt a lot worse at school after winter break and we went up for a visit in February to see how she was really doing. Not great but she still felt it was the right place for her and things got better. Later in the semester she made some more connections with a couple kids in her major because they had a couple classes together. Stayed a little in touch over the summer, started 2nd year in a much better place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

parents on the Facebook group are self-selected to be more anxious about their kid’s adjustment

This. You don't belong there. This group shouldn't exist.

those parent groups are toxic & clueless
competitive & petty

can campbell take his keurig to his dorm? what is the best laundry service since morgan cant do his own laundry? the school lied, there arent enough vegan options @ the cafeteria for parker

[Anonymous]

My son is a sophomore in college. He likes it and is doing well. He doesn’t tell me too much information but I can gather that his friend group is not too large at college. He has no complaints though. On his college breaks, he’s out all the time and seeing his HS friends. They are a tight group and have been friends since elementary school. Great people.

Parents with post college children, Do you find that they stay friends with their childhood/HS friends or more so college friends ? I’m hoping his bond with his home friends stay strong.

[Anonymous]

Everyone on this board talks down about the Greek system but it is a great way to make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why they need to make friends, it’s only a few years of 9 months at college and then off to a whole new world- true friends can be few and far between in real life. “Acquaintances” that one can hang out with are a dime a dozen.

NP. Interesting way of looking at it. Not “bad interesting “ just a different perspective than the norm. Maybe it’s true in my daughter’s case, many close friendships from HS still intact, but more acquaintances in college. Sophomore year.