Drinking and Drugs at Private Schools - I need advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This x1000. This is what we have shared/done. We have a sophomore daughter in private school. We have addiction on one side, and OCD and depression on both sides. They are often connected, though. So far so good, but it is hard ‘to be different’ when there are definitely parties happening, which she isn’t often invited to. We have lots of conversations in our house. I have always felt that the further we get - 16, 17, 18 - without partaking, then we’re on track.

Anonymous wrote:I also have boys. We've always been very open and matter-of-fact about this sort of thing. The two biggest drivers of addiction tend to be 1) a genetic susceptibility to substance abuse - meaning check the family tree; and 2) age of first use. But, we also explained that genetics are not destiny. The brain adapts and changes according to its environment. If a 14 year old kid with a family history of alcohol or drug abuse begins to experiment with drinking and vaping and drugs and so on, that child is likely screwed and will face a lifetime of addiction issues. This is because there is so much going on in the adolescent brain that when you introduce drugs and alcohol to kids who already have a genetic predisposition to addiction, it often rewires the brain and derails normal development.

But if that same 14 year old waits until they're over 21, when the brain is more mature, then generally it will be perfectly safe to have an occasional drink or whatever. Particularly if they've grown up in a safe, loving, and supportive environment. Their family tree might be a disaster, but they won't be because they waited until the brain was more fully developed and over the years they've learned to enjoy and deal with life without resorting to substances to mediate how they feel.

Knock on wood. So far, so good. They know what addiction is and how it can destroy lives. They're both in college now and totally normal. Neither ever drank or used drugs or vaped in high school. But in college they seem to be pretty normal. The oldest has an occasional beer. The youngest doesn't like it. Neither do any drugs. They're both gym rats and runners and extremely fit. Neither has displayed any proclivity towards substance abuse. And I think that's entirely because we really explained how vulnerable they were to addiction given the family tree. And we drilled that early - like beginning of middle school. There's no avoiding drugs or alcohol in any high school. All you can give them is the information they need to make their own decisions.

This for our family, too. One attended a public high school in DC and the other is at a private high school. As far as we know, kids have stayed away from drugs and while we attempt to have a no underage drinking policy, we know it is somewhat unrealistic given the ubiquity of it and the cavalier way other parents supply or otherwise countenance it (paying for fake IDs, allowing big parties to happen with coolers of alcohol etc). So we keep talking about family history, give them exposure to recovering addicts in the family etc. They wont have the images I have seared in my head of addicts destroying themselves and their immediate families, ruining family events etc. which is too bad only because it was so terrible to watch that it was an effective deterrent for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All schools, both public and private, have those issues. There really is nowhere to hide. I regret delivering sad news, though.

I regret to inform you that not all schools are the same with regard to partying. It’s weird that I need to state the obvious. On my public high school’s parents page there was recently a post about how kids show up drunk to the games and an ambulance needed to be called for a child. At my kids private this 100% would not happen.

Oh please.

Plenty of alcohol and drugs at private schools.

Yep. But it’s under control

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to NCS and most of my classmates did not use drugs. There was the crowd that hung out in the bishops garden smoking pot and senior year some of the "popular" rich kids (the lifer/spring valley/went to dancing school/country club types), but I never saw it.

Maret and GDS and Burke had reputations for being very drug-gy.

I think the more rigorous the better because then you attract more serious kids, whereas the less rigorous schools are more likely to attract more slacker-ish/partying/rich kid types.

She has three boys so commenting on NCS doesn’t seem to be particularly helpful…or correct for the current times. I have an US at the school and drinking is rampant. It’s definitely not a weed school (more of that at GDS, Sidwell, STA) but there is some cocaine use. A few years ago, a middle schooler had to go to rehab…just awful for the family.

I would like to point out that illicit drugs and alcohol may not be your biggest problem…many kids misue prescription drugs, particularly those for ADHD, and especially at rigorous schools. A boy at Sidwell died a few years ago misusing what he thought were clean ADHD meds but had fentanyl.

You are right to be concerned…

My children attend Sidwell, and I have never heard about a fentanyl-related death of a student. Can you post a link to a newspaper article that cites this death? I’m sure this would have made the news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All schools, both public and private, have those issues. There really is nowhere to hide. I regret delivering sad news, though.

I regret to inform you that not all schools are the same with regard to partying. It’s weird that I need to state the obvious. On my public high school’s parents page there was recently a post about how kids show up drunk to the games and an ambulance needed to be called for a child. At my kids private this 100% would not happen.

Oh please.

Plenty of alcohol and drugs at private schools.

Yep. But it’s under control

Only on campus.

Try living next door to a StA’s high school student and then let me know what you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They all have a drinking and/or drug culture to some degree—most all privates and public schools. It might be less of an issue at certain area boarding schools, like Episcopal, but I’m not certain. St Anselms Abbey might be another possibility. BASIS in McLean perhaps?

Attending St Albans as a boarding student while coming home on the weekends, or certain weekends, is another possibility.

Granted, I went to the Cathedral schools a long time ago, but the stories of what went on at the STA dorms would curl your toes. Kids are very resourseful when they want to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to NCS and most of my classmates did not use drugs. There was the crowd that hung out in the bishops garden smoking pot and senior year some of the "popular" rich kids (the lifer/spring valley/went to dancing school/country club types), but I never saw it.

Maret and GDS and Burke had reputations for being very drug-gy.

I think the more rigorous the better because then you attract more serious kids, whereas the less rigorous schools are more likely to attract more slacker-ish/partying/rich kid types.

She has three boys so commenting on NCS doesn’t seem to be particularly helpful…or correct for the current times. I have an US at the school and drinking is rampant. It’s definitely not a weed school (more of that at GDS, Sidwell, STA) but there is some cocaine use. A few years ago, a middle schooler had to go to rehab…just awful for the family.

I would like to point out that illicit drugs and alcohol may not be your biggest problem…many kids misue prescription drugs, particularly those for ADHD, and especially at rigorous schools. A boy at Sidwell died a few years ago misusing what he thought were clean ADHD meds but had fentanyl.

You are right to be concerned…

My children attend Sidwell, and I have never heard about a fentanyl-related death of a student. Can you post a link to a newspaper article that cites this death? I’m sure this would have made the news.

It happened and please let it go.

[Anonymous]

Understand that this happens at both public and private schools. This is not a one school thing. There are real families in pain. You don’t need to be looking for new articles other than this is a real crisis and it is horrible what is happening. Best advice is keep communication open with your kids. There are bad people lurking around any school. Many schools have helpful programs to educate families.

[Anonymous]

I've heard the worst for drugs are private schools. More money, fewer parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard the worst for drugs are private schools. More money, fewer parents.

Meant to say boarding schools. Sorry! Not private in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to NCS and most of my classmates did not use drugs. There was the crowd that hung out in the bishops garden smoking pot and senior year some of the "popular" rich kids (the lifer/spring valley/went to dancing school/country club types), but I never saw it.

Maret and GDS and Burke had reputations for being very drug-gy.

I think the more rigorous the better because then you attract more serious kids, whereas the less rigorous schools are more likely to attract more slacker-ish/partying/rich kid types.

She has three boys so commenting on NCS doesn’t seem to be particularly helpful…or correct for the current times. I have an US at the school and drinking is rampant. It’s definitely not a weed school (more of that at GDS, Sidwell, STA) but there is some cocaine use. A few years ago, a middle schooler had to go to rehab…just awful for the family.

I would like to point out that illicit drugs and alcohol may not be your biggest problem…many kids misue prescription drugs, particularly those for ADHD, and especially at rigorous schools. A boy at Sidwell died a few years ago misusing what he thought were clean ADHD meds but had fentanyl.

You are right to be concerned…

My children attend Sidwell, and I have never heard about a fentanyl-related death of a student. Can you post a link to a newspaper article that cites this death? I’m sure this would have made the news.

It happened and please let it go.

Googling gets me nothing, not even a whiff of a Sidwell student dying of anything (except a 5th grader in 2019 in a bombing in Sri Lanka). So either pp has some real close inside knowledge about something that was completely covered up, or this is bs.

[Anonymous]

Reputation wise, I would say GDS and Maret stand out. Although even in those cases it's probably 99% marijuana use as opposed to anything else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to NCS and most of my classmates did not use drugs. There was the crowd that hung out in the bishops garden smoking pot and senior year some of the "popular" rich kids (the lifer/spring valley/went to dancing school/country club types), but I never saw it.

Maret and GDS and Burke had reputations for being very drug-gy.

I think the more rigorous the better because then you attract more serious kids, whereas the less rigorous schools are more likely to attract more slacker-ish/partying/rich kid types.

She has three boys so commenting on NCS doesn’t seem to be particularly helpful…or correct for the current times. I have an US at the school and drinking is rampant. It’s definitely not a weed school (more of that at GDS, Sidwell, STA) but there is some cocaine use. A few years ago, a middle schooler had to go to rehab…just awful for the family.

I would like to point out that illicit drugs and alcohol may not be your biggest problem…many kids misue prescription drugs, particularly those for ADHD, and especially at rigorous schools. A boy at Sidwell died a few years ago misusing what he thought were clean ADHD meds but had fentanyl.

You are right to be concerned…

My children attend Sidwell, and I have never heard about a fentanyl-related death of a student. Can you post a link to a newspaper article that cites this death? I’m sure this would have made the news.

It happened and please let it go.

Googling gets me nothing, not even a whiff of a Sidwell student dying of anything (except a 5th grader in 2019 in a bombing in Sri Lanka). So either pp has some real close inside knowledge about something that was completely covered up, or this is bs.

Drop it! You are crazy for trying to get someone to discuss this on an anonymous forum. if you don’t stop, you are cruel and disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to NCS and most of my classmates did not use drugs. There was the crowd that hung out in the bishops garden smoking pot and senior year some of the "popular" rich kids (the lifer/spring valley/went to dancing school/country club types), but I never saw it.

Maret and GDS and Burke had reputations for being very drug-gy.

I think the more rigorous the better because then you attract more serious kids, whereas the less rigorous schools are more likely to attract more slacker-ish/partying/rich kid types.

She has three boys so commenting on NCS doesn’t seem to be particularly helpful…or correct for the current times. I have an US at the school and drinking is rampant. It’s definitely not a weed school (more of that at GDS, Sidwell, STA) but there is some cocaine use. A few years ago, a middle schooler had to go to rehab…just awful for the family.

I would like to point out that illicit drugs and alcohol may not be your biggest problem…many kids misue prescription drugs, particularly those for ADHD, and especially at rigorous schools. A boy at Sidwell died a few years ago misusing what he thought were clean ADHD meds but had fentanyl.

You are right to be concerned…

My children attend Sidwell, and I have never heard about a fentanyl-related death of a student. Can you post a link to a newspaper article that cites this death? I’m sure this would have made the news.

It happened and please let it go.

Googling gets me nothing, not even a whiff of a Sidwell student dying of anything (except a 5th grader in 2019 in a bombing in Sri Lanka). So either pp has some real close inside knowledge about something that was completely covered up, or this is bs.

Drop it! You are crazy for trying to get someone to discuss this on an anonymous forum. if you don’t stop, you are cruel and disgusting.

Then they shouldn’t have mentioned it to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to NCS and most of my classmates did not use drugs. There was the crowd that hung out in the bishops garden smoking pot and senior year some of the "popular" rich kids (the lifer/spring valley/went to dancing school/country club types), but I never saw it.

Maret and GDS and Burke had reputations for being very drug-gy.

I think the more rigorous the better because then you attract more serious kids, whereas the less rigorous schools are more likely to attract more slacker-ish/partying/rich kid types.

She has three boys so commenting on NCS doesn’t seem to be particularly helpful…or correct for the current times. I have an US at the school and drinking is rampant. It’s definitely not a weed school (more of that at GDS, Sidwell, STA) but there is some cocaine use. A few years ago, a middle schooler had to go to rehab…just awful for the family.

I would like to point out that illicit drugs and alcohol may not be your biggest problem…many kids misue prescription drugs, particularly those for ADHD, and especially at rigorous schools. A boy at Sidwell died a few years ago misusing what he thought were clean ADHD meds but had fentanyl.

You are right to be concerned…

My children attend Sidwell, and I have never heard about a fentanyl-related death of a student. Can you post a link to a newspaper article that cites this death? I’m sure this would have made the news.

First - Sidwell does everything possible[b] to stay out of the news. Second, there's no reason for you to know about a sad situation like this if you weren't part of (or adjacent enough to) the community at that time. Third, many parents felt that educational opportunities on drugs/alcohol were lost (frankly, fully absent) as a school response for both parents and the students. However, leaning very far into education on the compassionate side.

Compared to other high school programs (our children attend different schools), we felt like Sidwell leaned far more towards a "bury your head in the sand" approach when it came to teaching/discussing drugs/alcohol with kids and with parents. Our other schools have educational events where parents are highly encouraged to attend with their children (but kids split to be with different adults. Sidwell did still put into place strict rules/guidelines in an effort to keep events (like dances) clean and sober.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard the worst for drugs are private schools. More money, fewer parents.

The same problems will exist in high income, high achievement public schools. There is a large overlap in $/parents in rich parts of Montgomery County. Over the years, we have heard of sad events happening at "W" schools just as often as at Big 5.