Drinking and Drugs at Private Schools - I need advice
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Anonymous
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My parents and two brothers are addicts, as was my late mother-in-law. I’ve drilled it into my sons (we have 3 boys) that they can’t mess around with alcohol or drugs because they have a much stronger genetic predisposition to addiction than the typical person. Still, I’m guessing there is more drinking/drugs at certain schools than others. Our oldest is in 8th, and We’re trying to choose a private high school. Any advice please…. Which private/independent/catholic schools have the most drinking/drug cultures and which have the least?
I’m not trying to start a flame war , I just need advice because I’m scared my oldest could get caught up with the wrong crowd , and it could really end badly for him (my brother flipped his car in high school while drunk. He survived, but I am freaked out). Would also welcome other advice about how to handle this (even if it’s not school related) |
Anonymous
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I went to NCS and most of my classmates did not use drugs. There was the crowd that hung out in the bishops garden smoking pot and senior year some of the "popular" rich kids (the lifer/spring valley/went to dancing school/country club types), but I never saw it.
Maret and GDS and Burke had reputations for being very drug-gy. I think the more rigorous the better because then you attract more serious kids, whereas the less rigorous schools are more likely to attract more slacker-ish/partying/rich kid types. |
Anonymous
Unless you graduated within the last 2-3 years, this is irrelevant |
Anonymous
I came from a similar family. We openly talk with our teens about the risks of using drugs and drinking. We are in the minority but we will not allow them to go to parties until they are seniors (freshman and sophomore years now). If they are going to a friend's house, we always touch base with the parents. It's important that you have regular and calm conversations about what you have witnessed and also about anything newsworthy. The more they know, the better equipped your child will be to make good decisions. |
Anonymous
| Every HS, privates and public, have drugs available to anyone who wants them. You need to keep communicating with the kids about their genetics, and how painful it will be if they become addicted (and that you will always live them, no matter what). |
Anonymous
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They all have a drinking and/or drug culture to some degree—most all privates and public schools. It might be less of an issue at certain area boarding schools, like Episcopal, but I’m not certain. St Anselms Abbey might be another possibility. BASIS in McLean perhaps?
Attending St Albans as a boarding student while coming home on the weekends, or certain weekends, is another possibility. |
Anonymous
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I also have boys. We've always been very open and matter-of-fact about this sort of thing. The two biggest drivers of addiction tend to be 1) a genetic susceptibility to substance abuse - meaning check the family tree; and 2) age of first use. But, we also explained that genetics are not destiny. The brain adapts and changes according to its environment. If a 14 year old kid with a family history of alcohol or drug abuse begins to experiment with drinking and vaping and drugs and so on, that child is likely screwed and will face a lifetime of addiction issues. This is because there is so much going on in the adolescent brain that when you introduce drugs and alcohol to kids who already have a genetic predisposition to addiction, it often rewires the brain and derails normal development.
But if that same 14 year old waits until they're over 21, when the brain is more mature, then generally it will be perfectly safe to have an occasional drink or whatever. Particularly if they've grown up in a safe, loving, and supportive environment. Their family tree might be a disaster, but they won't be because they waited until the brain was more fully developed and over the years they've learned to enjoy and deal with life without resorting to substances to mediate how they feel. Knock on wood. So far, so good. They know what addiction is and how it can destroy lives. They're both in college now and totally normal. Neither ever drank or used drugs or vaped in high school. But in college they seem to be pretty normal. The oldest has an occasional beer. The youngest doesn't like it. Neither do any drugs. They're both gym rats and runners and extremely fit. Neither has displayed any proclivity towards substance abuse. And I think that's entirely because we really explained how vulnerable they were to addiction given the family tree. And we drilled that early - like beginning of middle school. There's no avoiding drugs or alcohol in any high school. All you can give them is the information they need to make their own decisions. |
Anonymous
| It may be too far for you, but I think generally speaking the kids at Saint John Paul the Great tend to be the least likely to be caught up in that scene, compared to the other NoVA diocesan schools. |
Anonymous
| St Anselms has some off campus partying but it was far from school events. School is so small that the community knows quickly what’s going on. Overall very safe from addictive drugs. |
Anonymous
EHS has the biggest drug problem out of any of the local schools. It has a huge problem 2 years ago, so they tightened up, but it’s still pretty bad. SSSAS seems to have a lot of drinking. According to my kids, Langley has a large problem, too |
Anonymous
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I happened to see this because it was in recent topics. I have the same worry as you OP. My oldest is a senior in a large public with lots of kids drinking and smoking pot. I have discussed over the years the genetic predisposition. He goes to parties, but we have never seen him under the influence. He always comes home. I am not saying it is smooth sailing in other ways, but so far we have dodged this worry.
I think it is important to be good role models. We don’t really drink. The kids who see their parents drinking excessively tend to copy them. |
Anonymous
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Guys, OP is asking which private school in the DC area have more or less drugs. Let's focus on her question.
yes, there are additional ways to handle this, but yes, some schools have more drugs than others. Let's be honest. |
Anonymous
She also said- Would also welcome other advice about how to handle this (even if it’s not school related) Problem is all private schools have drinking and drugs problem. I went to a girls school in this area where a group of girls came to school drunk during a school day. |
Anonymous
This x1000. This is what we have shared/done. We have a sophomore daughter in private school. We have addiction on one side, and OCD and depression on both sides. They are often connected, though. So far so good, but it is hard ‘to be different’ when there are definitely parties happening, which she isn’t often invited to. We have lots of conversations in our house. I have always felt that the further we get - 16, 17, 18 - without partaking, then we’re on track.
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Anonymous
| Mine goes to lo a Catholic HS in VA and there are groups of kids that “party” on the weekends. I’ve seen same group drunk at concerts. Their parents know or turn a blind eye. I would not say this is the majority of the kids tho. From what I hear the other that relocated is worse as far as drinking and party culture with kids posting themselves doing beer bongs and drinking. It’s everywhere, publics probably more prevalent. Keep talking to them and vet the people they hang out with |