Drinking and Drugs at Private Schools - I need advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to NCS and most of my classmates did not use drugs. There was the crowd that hung out in the bishops garden smoking pot and senior year some of the "popular" rich kids (the lifer/spring valley/went to dancing school/country club types), but I never saw it.

Maret and GDS and Burke had reputations for being very drug-gy.

I think the more rigorous the better because then you attract more serious kids, whereas the less rigorous schools are more likely to attract more slacker-ish/partying/rich kid types.

She has three boys so commenting on NCS doesn’t seem to be particularly helpful…or correct for the current times. I have an US at the school and drinking is rampant. It’s definitely not a weed school (more of that at GDS, Sidwell, STA) but there is some cocaine use. A few years ago, a middle schooler had to go to rehab…just awful for the family.

I would like to point out that illicit drugs and alcohol may not be your biggest problem…many kids misue prescription drugs, particularly those for ADHD, and especially at rigorous schools. A boy at Sidwell died a few years ago misusing what he thought were clean ADHD meds but had fentanyl.

You are right to be concerned…

My kids are at Cathedral schools and drugs are not prevalent in our experience. The popular crowd may drink but not do drugs. I would say there are many kids that do not drink or do drugs at all. Most actually do not start attending parties until senior year in our experience.

[Anonymous]

All schools, both public and private, have those issues. There really is nowhere to hide. I regret delivering sad news, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have boys. We've always been very open and matter-of-fact about this sort of thing. The two biggest drivers of addiction tend to be 1) a genetic susceptibility to substance abuse - meaning check the family tree; and 2) age of first use. But, we also explained that genetics are not destiny. The brain adapts and changes according to its environment. If a 14 year old kid with a family history of alcohol or drug abuse begins to experiment with drinking and vaping and drugs and so on, that child is likely screwed and will face a lifetime of addiction issues. This is because there is so much going on in the adolescent brain that when you introduce drugs and alcohol to kids who already have a genetic predisposition to addiction, it often rewires the brain and derails normal development.

But if that same 14 year old waits until they're over 21, when the brain is more mature, then generally it will be perfectly safe to have an occasional drink or whatever. Particularly if they've grown up in a safe, loving, and supportive environment. Their family tree might be a disaster, but they won't be because they waited until the brain was more fully developed and over the years they've learned to enjoy and deal with life without resorting to substances to mediate how they feel.

Knock on wood. So far, so good. They know what addiction is and how it can destroy lives. They're both in college now and totally normal. Neither ever drank or used drugs or vaped in high school. But in college they seem to be pretty normal. The oldest has an occasional beer. The youngest doesn't like it. Neither do any drugs. They're both gym rats and runners and extremely fit. Neither has displayed any proclivity towards substance abuse. And I think that's entirely because we really explained how vulnerable they were to addiction given the family tree. And we drilled that early - like beginning of middle school. There's no avoiding drugs or alcohol in any high school. All you can give them is the information they need to make their own decisions.

I’m not sure this is true. I didn’t drink until I was 21, and by my early 30s I was an alcoholic in the grips of addiction. I am sober now, but if you have this devil in you it can emerge at any age. I was very functional — no one outside my immediate family had any idea how far gone I was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All schools, both public and private, have those issues. There really is nowhere to hide. I regret delivering sad news, though.

I regret to inform you that not all schools are the same with regard to partying. It’s weird that I need to state the obvious. On my public high school’s parents page there was recently a post about how kids show up drunk to the games and an ambulance needed to be called for a child. At my kids private this 100% would not happen.

[Anonymous]

If you take uppers, have downers on hand.
You can get edibles delivered from California to your home address (given political ambitions, NW kids order to the neighbors’ and intercept).

Shots are for losers. Champagne is the way to go. But not Veuve which is a Real Housewives splotch that screams suburbia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every HS, privates and public, have drugs available to anyone who wants them. You need to keep communicating with the kids about their genetics, and how painful it will be if they become addicted (and that you will always live them, no matter what).

+100
The drugs and alcohol will always be available (fast forward to college) it's about teaching how to make good choices and why they matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every HS, privates and public, have drugs available to anyone who wants them. You need to keep communicating with the kids about their genetics, and how painful it will be if they become addicted (and that you will always live them, no matter what).

+100
The drugs and alcohol will always be available (fast forward to college) it's about teaching how to make good choices and why they matter.

Yes, but it is also about being surrounded by a peer group that will either support your decision to stay clean or peer pressure you into joining their downward spiral. A permissive parent group? Or one that doesn't condone? Some schools serve alcohol to adults at nearly every event with parents present, others never or rarely serve alcohol if students are present. There are cultures and attitudes at play that matter too, and that can help OP's kids to stay on the path.

[Anonymous]

My kids have friends at private and public schools in NW DC. They both see it at their schools. One of their schools has a reputation for doing more drug / alcohol use. The point I think you are hearing from other parents is that your kid will be exposed to it and will need to make that choice for themselves. I believe the research shows that families that are more closely connected, have family meals together, regularly have family meetings and kid-centered activities etc. have fewer kids with alcohol and drug problems.

[Anonymous]

Here are some links on primary and secondary prevention for drug / alcohol use: https://health.gov/news/202311/starting-home-family-based-interventions-prevent-youth-substance-use

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have boys. We've always been very open and matter-of-fact about this sort of thing. The two biggest drivers of addiction tend to be 1) a genetic susceptibility to substance abuse - meaning check the family tree; and 2) age of first use. But, we also explained that genetics are not destiny. The brain adapts and changes according to its environment. If a 14 year old kid with a family history of alcohol or drug abuse begins to experiment with drinking and vaping and drugs and so on, that child is likely screwed and will face a lifetime of addiction issues. This is because there is so much going on in the adolescent brain that when you introduce drugs and alcohol to kids who already have a genetic predisposition to addiction, it often rewires the brain and derails normal development.

But if that same 14 year old waits until they're over 21, when the brain is more mature, then generally it will be perfectly safe to have an occasional drink or whatever. Particularly if they've grown up in a safe, loving, and supportive environment. Their family tree might be a disaster, but they won't be because they waited until the brain was more fully developed and over the years they've learned to enjoy and deal with life without resorting to substances to mediate how they feel.

Knock on wood. So far, so good. They know what addiction is and how it can destroy lives. They're both in college now and totally normal. Neither ever drank or used drugs or vaped in high school. But in college they seem to be pretty normal. The oldest has an occasional beer. The youngest doesn't like it. Neither do any drugs. They're both gym rats and runners and extremely fit. Neither has displayed any proclivity towards substance abuse. And I think that's entirely because we really explained how vulnerable they were to addiction given the family tree. And we drilled that early - like beginning of middle school. There's no avoiding drugs or alcohol in any high school. All you can give them is the information they need to make their own decisions.

I’m not sure this is true. I didn’t drink until I was 21, and by my early 30s I was an alcoholic in the grips of addiction. I am sober now, but if you have this devil in you it can emerge at any age. I was very functional — no one outside my immediate family had any idea how far gone I was.

There is a lot of research on the topic. I’m sorry for your experience, but it doesn’t change the overwhelming data that relates early exposure to alcohol with higher addiction rates.

For example
https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/early-drinking-linked-higher-lifetime-alcoholism-risk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All schools, both public and private, have those issues. There really is nowhere to hide. I regret delivering sad news, though.

I regret to inform you that not all schools are the same with regard to partying. It’s weird that I need to state the obvious. On my public high school’s parents page there was recently a post about how kids show up drunk to the games and an ambulance needed to be called for a child. At my kids private this 100% would not happen.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to NCS and most of my classmates did not use drugs. There was the crowd that hung out in the bishops garden smoking pot and senior year some of the "popular" rich kids (the lifer/spring valley/went to dancing school/country club types), but I never saw it.

Maret and GDS and Burke had reputations for being very drug-gy.

I think the more rigorous the better because then you attract more serious kids, whereas the less rigorous schools are more likely to attract more slacker-ish/partying/rich kid types.

She has three boys so commenting on NCS doesn’t seem to be particularly helpful…or correct for the current times. I have an US at the school and drinking is rampant. It’s definitely not a weed school (more of that at GDS, Sidwell, STA) but there is some cocaine use. A few years ago, a middle schooler had to go to rehab…just awful for the family.

I would like to point out that illicit drugs and alcohol may not be your biggest problem…many kids misue prescription drugs, particularly those for ADHD, and especially at rigorous schools. A boy at Sidwell died a few years ago misusing what he thought were clean ADHD meds but had fentanyl.

You are right to be concerned…

My kids are at Cathedral schools and drugs are not prevalent in our experience. The popular crowd may drink but not do drugs. I would say there are many kids that do not drink or do drugs at all. Most actually do not start attending parties until senior year in our experience.

As far as you know…

😉

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All schools, both public and private, have those issues. There really is nowhere to hide. I regret delivering sad news, though.

I regret to inform you that not all schools are the same with regard to partying. It’s weird that I need to state the obvious. On my public high school’s parents page there was recently a post about how kids show up drunk to the games and an ambulance needed to be called for a child. At my kids private this 100% would not happen.

Oh please.

Plenty of alcohol and drugs at private schools.

[Anonymous]

Open communication and honesty about family history -- at any school. Unfortunately, this stuff is everywhere. Alcohol is everywhere, literally, and some parents buy kids drinks for parties. So, just know that you need to have direct convos with kids about alcoholism, the brain, show the data on why need to wait to try anything until 21.

[Anonymous]

It’s terrifying but fentanyl strips should be discussed, used and widely available… doesn’t matter what any parent experienced in high school… it is so different now with gummies and pills so widely available.

What are these schools doing themselves on the issue? Any of them leading the way??