Pulling kid from private because of low grades

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved our kid from public to private this year for HS. The additional expense is putting a strain on our household finances and is creating a fair amount of stress for us. We made it clear to the kid that we were willing to bear the expense but only if they put in the work that would be necessary to ace their classes. Suffice to say, that doesn’t seem to be happening. Grades thus far - early days to be fair - are middling and teachers are expressing concern about homework that is not being done on time and a lack of participation. The kid loves the school and would hate us (and possibly bear a grudge for a long time) for pulling them out and returning them to public, but the huge expense is really hard to justify if they aren’t pulling their weight. We’ll have a long chat and monitor the situation through at least the end of the year, but it’d be good to know how others handled similar situations.

My kid was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school so YMMV. Year 1, fortunately the school had something that if you were failing a class by the mid-quarter report, the student had to attend something for extra support. I also started monitoring grades and missed assignments. Someone gave me the advice early on to keep on top of looking at least the first month so they don’t dig themselves into a hole. For my kid at least, they responded better to immediate consequences vs a far away someday sort of thing. So if they were missing many assignments something they really wanted wouldn’t happen until assignments turned in even if late. We always tried to focus on process vs outcome - completing homework, meeting with reachers for questions ahead of day due, seeking out peer tutors if struggling, figuring out effective studying including note taking, creating quizlets etc. They also attended a few executive functioning workshops.

Year 2, stopped the close monitoring of assignments and it was more sink or swim. They did well for while and then it started to full apart near the end of first semester. We were ready to send to public school the next semester. That wasn’t what I wanted but to the pp point, they could not do well for free in public school and there would be more resources to support them. That seemed to inspire a willingness to seek more support etc. They turned it around with those additional supports. I don’t think you should drop close to six figures for your kid not to do well for multiple years unless you have money to burn. But they need to be making progress in the behaviors and habits that can get them there and willing to ask for and accept help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have no doubt that the kid's grades would be better in his local public and that ultimately is the point. Why pay tens of thousands of dollars every year for them to handicap their college admission prospects?

I don't quite understand the reticence in bringing up the financial aspect. If the parents are having to cut back to pay for private school, it's only fair that they expect the kid to put in the effort.

Ah, because college admissions offices don't look at all grades being equal when they come from different schools. College admissions offices know exactly what schools inflate grades like hot air balloons and which one only do small balloons (because they all do it now). They also look at a kids transcript and see if they took challenging courses and how they scored on AP exams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have no doubt that the kid's grades would be better in his local public and that ultimately is the point. Why pay tens of thousands of dollars every year for them to handicap their college admission prospects?

I don't quite understand the reticence in bringing up the financial aspect. If the parents are having to cut back to pay for private school, it's only fair that they expect the kid to put in the effort.

Ah, because college admissions offices don't look at all grades being equal when they come from different schools. College admissions offices know exactly what schools inflate grades like hot air balloons and which one only do small balloons (because they all do it now). They also look at a kids transcript and see if they took challenging courses and how they scored on AP exams.

+1. You're not going to game the system by switching schools. The main reason we have standardized tests is because colleges know GPAs vary wildly among schools.

[Anonymous]

You need to be honest with yourself -- you're not looking to pull your kid because of their grades, you're looking to pull your kid because you can't afford the school. Stop blaming and scapegoating your kid. They will see through this, I promise you they will, and they will resent you at some level for blaming them when you can't afford it. If as the year progresses they're struggling, then that's a separate issue to be addressed -- do they struggle with executive processing? So they forget about homework or need help being organized? Are they in the wrong level classes? Do they have an unusually strict teacher? Etc. But you need to get really clear about whether you can afford this school or not and address that as the separate issue it is, and not try to make your teenager responsible for your spending decisions. It's your decision not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is iikely still adjusting to the school. Give it time.

+1