Pulling kid from private because of low grades

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved our kid from public to private this year for HS. The additional expense is putting a strain on our household finances and is creating a fair amount of stress for us. We made it clear to the kid that we were willing to bear the expense but only if they put in the work that would be necessary to ace their classes. Suffice to say, that doesn’t seem to be happening. Grades thus far - early days to be fair - are middling and teachers are expressing concern about homework that is not being done on time and a lack of participation. The kid loves the school and would hate us (and possibly bear a grudge for a long time) for pulling them out and returning them to public, but the huge expense is really hard to justify if they aren’t pulling their weight. We’ll have a long chat and monitor the situation through at least the end of the year, but it’d be good to know how others handled similar situations.

Oh my goodness dont put that pressure on your kid. First year transition is difficult especially in Highschool. Give your kid a chance to transition and be supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved our kid from public to private this year for HS. The additional expense is putting a strain on our household finances and is creating a fair amount of stress for us. We made it clear to the kid that we were willing to bear the expense but only if they put in the work that would be necessary to ace their classes. Suffice to say, that doesn’t seem to be happening. Grades thus far - early days to be fair - are middling and teachers are expressing concern about homework that is not being done on time and a lack of participation. The kid loves the school and would hate us (and possibly bear a grudge for a long time) for pulling them out and returning them to public, but the huge expense is really hard to justify if they aren’t pulling their weight. We’ll have a long chat and monitor the situation through at least the end of the year, but it’d be good to know how others handled similar situations.

Oh my goodness dont put that pressure on your kid. First year transition is difficult especially in Highschool. Give your kid a chance to transition and be supportive.

PP here. I will add - you switched your kid and knew the cost. That was your decision. Dont put that pressure on your kid to have all A's because they most likely will not. Get them a tutor or the help at school they need to succeed rather than threats to pull them out.

[Anonymous]

You're going to get something like 70-80% max back if you pull now and use tuition insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most public school kids take some time to adjust to private for 9th grade and have a weak 9th grade fall. The academic standards are higher and there is zero tolerance for late work. It's entirely different than public.

We moved my son in 9th and it was huge adjustment. I talked to a lot of parents about this.

Absolutely BS

There is no private in the DMV that is better than a public. Especially HS math or science

[Anonymous]

^ lol

[Anonymous]

OP, this was me at this point last year. Came from public, fall sport and the adjustment was a lot. But more than that, my son worked so hard in middle school that my husband and I felt like we would make the financial leap (not at all easy for us either) and let him attend. Not only did he not focus, but he seemed to think "its only freshman year, it will be fine" etc. Lots of times when work and studying piled up and he barely got it done. There was far more work than he had in middle school, but I expected him to be ready for that and to work hard enough for the A's. He ended the year with mostly B+'s. No C's which became the goal in a couple of classes. Not what I was expecting at all.

We considered pulling him too and in frustration freshman year did bring up the financial aspect and the expectations we had, and that he needed to work to meet them if we were going to pay for school. Fundamentally I think this is correct but we did realize that we had to not put that on our son.

This year is off to a significantly different start. He is working much harder and very quickly realized which classes would be his hardest, and talked to the teachers about meeting for extra review time. This took 3/4 of the year last year and was mostly done at my insistence. I do also think boys can take longer to adjust. But I feel you...its a lot. I agree with others that you should hang in there and try and hep him stay above water. If grades get/stay bad enough to really hurt him around mid term take a second look then since you could probably pivot to public if you truly needed to salvage the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved our kid from public to private this year for HS. The additional expense is putting a strain on our household finances and is creating a fair amount of stress for us. We made it clear to the kid that we were willing to bear the expense but only if they put in the work that would be necessary to ace their classes. Suffice to say, that doesn’t seem to be happening. Grades thus far - early days to be fair - are middling and teachers are expressing concern about homework that is not being done on time and a lack of participation. The kid loves the school and would hate us (and possibly bear a grudge for a long time) for pulling them out and returning them to public, but the huge expense is really hard to justify if they aren’t pulling their weight. We’ll have a long chat and monitor the situation through at least the end of the year, but it’d be good to know how others handled similar situations.

Do not do this to your kid. You made the decision to pull them out of their public and they are happy so please be grateful they are happy. Don't switch them back again. You are the adult and should have known your finances before making such a switch. Give the kid a chance to adjust and hopefully you switched them for other reasons than for them to get just high grades. Private is so much more than that.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, this transition is how we discovered our smart kid had ADHD. Previously there was nothing to juggle, not a lot of need for EF skills, everything was done in class at a slow pace. In hindsight, he says it seemed that the whole program was designed to accommodate ADHD for all, whether you have it or not. At the new private, with high expectations and real homework, with no built-in/invisible accommodations, it all fell apart.

But even if your kid does not have ADHD, did he ever really have a chance to learn how to use EF skills before now? He's going to need scaffolding and support until it becomes habit. Most people are not born knowing how to do this. It takes teaching and practice.

We are so glad it happened before college. Now the kid is getting what he needs from us to build real skills, practice them, and succeed in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most public school kids take some time to adjust to private for 9th grade and have a weak 9th grade fall. The academic standards are higher and there is zero tolerance for late work. It's entirely different than public.

We moved my son in 9th and it was huge adjustment. I talked to a lot of parents about this.

There’s an adjustment event from private to private high school. I’d give it a full semester.

[Anonymous]

*even

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most public school kids take some time to adjust to private for 9th grade and have a weak 9th grade fall. The academic standards are higher and there is zero tolerance for late work. It's entirely different than public.

We moved my son in 9th and it was huge adjustment. I talked to a lot of parents about this.

Absolutely BS

There is no private in the DMV that is better than a public. Especially HS math or science

Why are you trolling on this forum? If public is so great then go to the public school forum. Surely if you are so content and happy then you would have no reason to be trolling on here?

[Anonymous]

Come on OP. There were reasons you put him in private, right? Many parents switch to private because the public school has a dumbed down curriculum, moves too slowly, relies on too much tech, has little homework or only requires writing a few sentences. I'm not sure about your situation, but considering this is a financial stretch, I imagine some of these reasons resonate and you're sending him to private because it's more rigorous.

I don't know what "middling grades" means, but it sounds like he's not flunking or anything. Obviously homework is a must, but is this significantly more than he's had before? Couldn't it be he's not participating because he's new and feeling anxious? Don't add on more anxiety by making this about finances. That's totally unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, this transition is how we discovered our smart kid had ADHD. Previously there was nothing to juggle, not a lot of need for EF skills, everything was done in class at a slow pace. In hindsight, he says it seemed that the whole program was designed to accommodate ADHD for all, whether you have it or not. At the new private, with high expectations and real homework, with no built-in/invisible accommodations, it all fell apart.

But even if your kid does not have ADHD, did he ever really have a chance to learn how to use EF skills before now? He's going to need scaffolding and support until it becomes habit. Most people are not born knowing how to do this. It takes teaching and practice.

We are so glad it happened before college. Now the kid is getting what he needs from us to build real skills, practice them, and succeed in school.

Had to Google EF, but you're right - a lack of organization, time management, impulse control, initiative etc. will quickly kick your butt in high school. And the kid definitely needs help with this. The school will give it to him if he seeks it out, but is not going to spoon feed him. Whether he is willing to do so remains to be seen.

[Anonymous]

It's definitely hard to move from public to private--the standards are completely different. We moved our third kid in 8th grade for this very reason--to give her a year to figure it out (at the cost of $50K--ugh!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely hard to move from public to private--the standards are completely different. We moved our third kid in 8th grade for this very reason--to give her a year to figure it out (at the cost of $50K--ugh!)

YES! We did not do this but if you can its a good idea. Standards are definitely higher, even if just the requirement of turning work in on time to avoid a zero and lack of retakes on tests. At our school anyway. Hard to adjust even if you go in knowing the rules!