Pulling kid from private because of low grades

[Anonymous]

We moved our kid from public to private this year for HS. The additional expense is putting a strain on our household finances and is creating a fair amount of stress for us. We made it clear to the kid that we were willing to bear the expense but only if they put in the work that would be necessary to ace their classes. Suffice to say, that doesn’t seem to be happening. Grades thus far - early days to be fair - are middling and teachers are expressing concern about homework that is not being done on time and a lack of participation. The kid loves the school and would hate us (and possibly bear a grudge for a long time) for pulling them out and returning them to public, but the huge expense is really hard to justify if they aren’t pulling their weight. We’ll have a long chat and monitor the situation through at least the end of the year, but it’d be good to know how others handled similar situations.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is iikely still adjusting to the school. Give it time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is iikely still adjusting to the school. Give it time.

A few weeks is admittedly too early, but how long would recommend before seriously considering pulling the plug? Half a year? A full year?

[Anonymous]

You've already signed the contract for a year so give it that long until they ask for you to sign for next years contract. Then send them back to public next year if necessary. No reason to pull the kid out in the middle of the year.

[Anonymous]

Changing schools can be really hard on kids. We are about one month into the year, at most. Have you asked your kid what might help them feel more settled at their new school? It seems fairly harsh to broach the topic of pulling your kid already.

[Anonymous]

My only concern would be the lack of doing hw. If he was just not getting good grades on it...I would chalk it up to different standards. Have you talked to him about why he is not doing it? Too much? Too hard? Public never gave required hw?

[Anonymous]

Is there a big difference between the private and their previous school? I remember doing well the first year because I was happy I got it and all were doing 3-4 hours of homework at night. It went downhill from there, because I was not in the same league as other and stopped putting in as much effort.

[Anonymous]

The hw load can be an adjustment, and if your kid has never learned skills around how to prioritize, estimate time, and manage that load, they may be struggling and/or simply shutting down and embarrassed to or uncertain how to ask for help. Talk to them about it. Most of the private schools have academic centers that can help with study skills including managing hw. Reach out to them to set up a few meetings with your kid to help them get a handle on things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Changing schools can be really hard on kids. We are about one month into the year, at most. Have you asked your kid what might help them feel more settled at their new school? It seems fairly harsh to broach the topic of pulling your kid already.

Agreed. Don't pile on the anxiety because frankly, your primary concern here seems to be financial and that will color what you say to him. You can certainly tell him that undone homework is simply not acceptable without threatening to remove him from a school he loves. You stay the year. You assess in February. And if his midterm grades were bad the convo should be easy. But honestly it's early in the year and he's adjusting to so much newness. And he's coming out of the pandemic era when kids were able to get away with so much, when it comes to late work, failure to hand in, etc. he's adjusting.

I have to ask why you went down the private school path if it was going to be such financial burden for your family. Are you saving for his college?

[Anonymous]

You have committed to doing this school. If it is financially disastrous, you can change, but your kid’s academics shouldn’t be part of the calculation, it should be a purely financial choice. It’s unfair to make it hinge on the kid’s grades.

[Anonymous]

Most public school kids take some time to adjust to private for 9th grade and have a weak 9th grade fall. The academic standards are higher and there is zero tolerance for late work. It's entirely different than public.

We moved my son in 9th and it was huge adjustment. I talked to a lot of parents about this.

[Anonymous]

DC went from a Catholic K8 to a private Catholic HS. It was still an adjustment first quarter freshman year.
This was normal for a lot of kids. There are a lot of resources at the schools.

Is DC playing a fall sport? Even more difficult for this cohort to manage their time.

Good luck to DC!

[Anonymous]

I went from a crappy public school to.private school for 9th myself and did just fine because I put the work in. There is no excuse for just not doing homework. I know the kid is 9th grade and should be able to do this alone, but because of these reports I think you need to aggressively stay on top of reading for class and HW for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Changing schools can be really hard on kids. We are about one month into the year, at most. Have you asked your kid what might help them feel more settled at their new school? It seems fairly harsh to broach the topic of pulling your kid already.

Agreed. Don't pile on the anxiety because frankly, your primary concern here seems to be financial and that will color what you say to him. You can certainly tell him that undone homework is simply not acceptable without threatening to remove him from a school he loves. You stay the year. You assess in February. And if his midterm grades were bad the convo should be easy. But honestly it's early in the year and he's adjusting to so much newness. And he's coming out of the pandemic era when kids were able to get away with so much, when it comes to late work, failure to hand in, etc. he's adjusting.

I have to ask why you went down the private school path if it was going to be such financial burden for your family. Are you saving for his college?

I think it’s a burden for most families whose HHI is south of $500k per year and who didn’t get aid. The opportunity cost is real, in any event.

The calculus generally tends to be that private will improve college admission and aid outcomes, but only with solid grades on top of extracurriculars. If the grades are middling, the additional expense is not going to be worth it outside of a bunch of sentimental considerations.

[Anonymous]

You should not be guilting a 14 year old about money.